I received a gift: a new lens in my left eye to replace the old lens that had clouded over and was legally blind.
I had been diagnosed with cataracts in 2010, nothing noticeable, just something to keep an eye on. Starting in May 2012, my cataracts progressed rapidly (in a large part due to treatment from another condition that is called uveitis, inflammation in the eyes). I went through 3 eye prescriptions and within 5 months, became "legally blind". I could still see because my right eye was borderline ok. With the right light conditions and with the right contrast I could still distinguish most things. I couldn't drive and with the greyness of Seattle, it was nerve-wracking to walk around looking for bus stops because everything just looked hazy black and gray.
I'm on my recovery path so theses next entries will record my experiences and thoughts as I move forward.
On January 15, 2013, I woke up a bit on edge. This is partly due to some of the medicines I started to take as part of pre-op. The other part was a just excitement to see again fighting anxiety about what might go wrong. Luckily, my natural inclination is to focus on the positive outcome so, overall, I was calm and ready, though a bit sleep deprived.
I got to the clinic to check in and waited to be called. One patient was already being escorted to her husband, her operation successfully completed. There were 2 other people waiting for their loved ones to come out. My sister sat on her laptop with her WiFi clearspot typing away while I posted an update to my Path and Facebook feeds and even responded to a few emails.
The nurse came to get me and the first thing she asked were 3 questions:
1) Do I have a phone?
2) Am I carrying a gun or firearms ?
3) Am I carrying any medical marijuana?
The randomness of the questions were amusing. I can see why the phone, some people are just joined at the hip to that nifty price of communication. The firearm, well, better be safe right? The medical marijuana threw me a little but at that point I was just realizing the absurdity of asking these questions (all part of standard procedure) to an elderly patient. I'm the exception as far as age goes: most cataract patients are over 70 year's old.
At any rate, next order of business, putting a sticker above the eye to be operated on. Then, put on this lovely hospital blue hair cap and matching booties over my shoes. I am given a post-op kit and walked through the instructions for what to do after surgery. Then, 8 drops in my eye in rapid succession: for dilating, numbing, disinfecting and reducing inflammation.
Keeping you eye opened is NOT that easy - who knew? Through this whole process of being treated, I've come to realize that. (sorry for the side bar)
So now, I'm brought to a staging area and given the final medication . I can't remember the exact name, it had 2 syllables and is basically like Valium and mean to decrease anxiety. I won't be knocked out. Then, it was wait for the procedure before me to finish (typically 15 - 20 minutes. In that time I could hear the surgeon addressing the patient and his assistants and some sounds that had the same timber as those notes the aliens played in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I decided to do some deep breathing. A few breaths later, it was my turn.
The surgical team was great - they do their best to make things comfortable while dressed in similar hair cap and booties with mouth shields and scrubs. I am asked to Ly down, face up ad they strap me to the table, put on the monitors on my chest, finger and arms (for blood pressure) and strap my head down for stability.
The surgery begins. I am awake and aware the whole time and its probably the only time I'm very glad that my eye is legally blind - it would've been impossible to stay calm seeing things come right at my eye! I see the light that illuminates my eye for the operation and can hear the voice of my doctor and his assistants as they work. I more or less know the process and try to mark if I can tell when it the steps happen.
First, an incision. I just feel a brief pressure across the are around my lens. Next, break up the lens. This is when the surgeon asks for a specific piece of equipment which basically uses an ultrasonic device to break the cloudy lens. That's that funky sound I heard earlier. This takes a little longer and I feel the pressure across my eye and for a split second I see what looks ilk branches which I think might be the blood vessels in my eyes.
Next they remove the broken bits of lens and set up the lens cap for the new lens. Again a lot of pressure, this time I'm feeling this weird uncomfortable sensation. For a split second I see what looks like cracked glass and then I feel a lot of pressure, I know there won't pain, but the pressure feels like a dispersed tingling that makes my skin crawl. I realize I'm tensing up and start to focus on my exhale to breathe. Its much like trying to relax in a dentist chair during a root canal except my mouth isn't getting dry or my tongue getting moved around. There's a lot of irrigating my eye which feels wonderful, a relief from the pressure.
It is at this point where I sense some sort of challenge as the doctor makes requests for things that need to be prepared. The voices are stern and urgent and I hear that the Topic lens (which corrects for astigmatism, will not be supported and to use the regular lens instead. Then there's more of the pressure and tension management and when that second "bout" is over, my legs and arms get ansy (its clear why they have to strap you down). I'm not sure how long it took but I know its not over, so back to breathing and releasing the tension. I notice that I can see what looks like small clear thin worms, swimming with this vertical squiggle across my eyes as they are irrigated. I think this must be the water rippling across. Its kind of whimsical and calms me down
Then the lens is placed in the capsule. I see a clear round edge and the more pressure, not as bad, around what I'm guessing is the border of the lens. I'm asked to look up, look left, look right and down. More irrigation and its over.
The doctor gives me the thumbs up, explains that there were complications that were managed and that I have a regular lens instead of the toric. The nurses take over and boy were they great. I din't realize how much tension there still was in my body and they kept repeating "It's over now, good job.", and rub my back as I sit up.
I CAN SEE! I see the different shades of blue from the folds and shadows in the scrubs. I see the clock and the hands of the clock and the door and the pattern of the tiles on the floor and the colors - just the colors - are so vibrant. I cam see eyes, lips, brows and the facial expressions of everyone in the room. I must be smiling because they are beaming from ear to ear. I am astounded and all I can say is "I can see."
I am walked to the waiting room where I got my booties and the nurse bring around a pencil/pen holder. Oh my god! The colors! She had fluorescent pens of all colors: yellow, pink, blue, green, orange and then blue, black and red pens. It was a bouquet of beautiful flowers to me: so bright, so vibrant. Astounding.
I got my stuff and as my sister drove us to get lunch (we just stopped by Burgermaster which is a drive in) and then home, I marveled at the different shades of color in the sky. Look! I can see the dividing lines on the highway. We cross the bridge and I can see the mountain ranges in the distance, the ripples of water, everything. Its really a miracle how much science has progressed that I have this wonderful new lens to see through.
Not only that, the eye as an organ is pretty amazing, I mean, I just had a cut, old lens broken and removed and a new lens placed and I can see so much. All that took about 20 minutes. I am not quite in the clear. My pupil is still dilated so I see halos like a sphere of rainbows around halogen bulbs and can't quite read tiny fonts. There are still many check-ups to make eye pressures stabilize and lots of eye drops to go. It will be about a week or two before everything is clear enough to start talking about my right eye.
For now, I am basking in gratitude and wonder. Thankful to my sister and her family who have been so great, so supportive and so loving. Thankful to such awesome friends who have helped me to get around in my "blindness", who have supported me with well wishes, worry, sympathy and laughter; even a little scolding. I can't say enough about the dancing and how it saved me and kept me floating. A friend pointed out another rare gift: to dance without depending on my sight and really develop the "feel" in the different partner dances that I love.
Life is good. Thank you
Showing posts with label dance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dance. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, May 10, 2010
What Now?
I hit a point in my dancing progression where I've asked myself "what now?"
There are many stages to learning and some academics may even have their own models for the different stages.What I'm writing here are the stages that I went through and where I currently am almost 3 years into salsa dancing.
This progression may sound familiar - I think that everyone goes through some form of these stages though its possible that the order may be different. Anyway, I'm writing to share and maybe help other folks who might find themselves in the "What Now?" predicament - something that can happen several times in one's dance progressions.
Beginner: Unsure but interested; having fun with the dance but not sure enough to go out dancing beyond the classroom. You're just starting and are enrolled in some sort of beginner class. You've decided to try salsa dancing for one, some or all of these reasons: your friend dragged you out, the newness is fun, the social part is fun, there maybe some attractive people in class you'd like to get to know more (instructor not excluded), its something active to do, you've always wanted to try it because it looks fun/cool.
Advanced Beginner: Its been anywhere from 2-6 months since you've started and you've gone through a few of the beginner series and have a little bit of an arsenal to play with for dancing. You may have even started to take lessons from other instructors (oh yes, there are many out there!) You're getting to know your classmates and are maybe starting to go out social dancing at least once a week.
JUNCTURE: At this point some people fall off for one reason or another: it was fun but you're not willing to spend more time to get better; you met someone and their into something else; its not floating your boat any more; you've had some bad dance experiences and have been turned off; other stuff in your life just is more important.
Intermediate: You've "graduated"! You're about year into dancing and someone said that you're good enough to make the leap to intermediate! You're more confident, know more moves, you're actually out social dancing 2, maybe 3 times a week and are starting to notice what the more advanced dancers are doing. you pick out your favorites as you watch them and think to yourself - "I want to dance like that!"
JUNCTURE: At this point you either become a total addict, or you decide that perhaps its time to back off a little bit and focus on something else. Basically, if you've caught the bug, you're hooked and booked! You'll find yourself dancing almost everyday, taking lessons from 1 or more teachers, attending salsa congresses, talking about dancing and hanging out with dancers all the time.
Advanced Intermediate: About a year and a half close to the 2 year mark you find yourself at another weird spot. You know enough to know that there's a LOT you still have to learn. You're all of a sudden finding that all you ever do in your free time is dance - yes, you are now officially a salsaholic. If you're still stuck in the taking classes mode and haven't gone out dancing then you're not really addicted yet and should really consider social dancing more. You're probably contemplating the next congress or 2 and even starting to branch out and try venues outside your established comfort zones.
JUNCTURE: For me, this was a key juncture. I was starting to wonder how long it would take me to "get better" to the point where I would be happy with my dancing. I was a bit frustrated because I didn't think I could ever look like these professionals who were so polished and precise. I took myself away from the dancing scene I did know and vacationed in Oaxaca and learned from someone new. I met some great people and the instructor I learned from had a style I could relate to (and some advice from an ex) I was re-energized! I hit a new stride and my dance confidence went WAAAAAAY up. [This is KEY by the was, the confidence going up... it really changes your dance, and for the better!] I decided that I didn't have to look like anyone else, I should just be me! I wanted to be the best follow I could be while social dancing and all of a sudden, all my doubts disappeared, I found my own style and got great feedback and started to really enjoy the dance. I'm able to turn off my own self-critic, still be open to learning and incorporate all the other dances that I knew about into salsa.
Advanced: All that dancing got you here :) Its likely to be going on year 3 to 5. You've established a routine of your favorite places to go and are getting more play time with the folks you've been watching and looking up to. You're still taking some lessons and likely going to congresses. You're friends list in facebook has grown because of all your new dancer friends. Its weird (but nice) when this happens but you're likely to now be the one that people want to dance like. You're dance card is always full and when you go to your familiar haunts, there's always someone you know and can say hi to, get a hug, get a dance and off you go.
Its another JUNCTURE: Where do you go from here? You've maxed out on lessons, may have even taken privates with one or more instructors and still get a high from all the dancing. Your non-dance time is quite limited and people outside of dance only ever know you to be dancing. The euphoria is still there but something might be missing or you're starting to wonder what to do next. So what now?
These are the options I compiled for myself and from talking to others in a similar stage:
What did I decide to do? pretty much almost all of the above except for performing with a partner
1) Join a Performance Dance Team and experience choreographed Salsa
2) Took lessons to improve other related dances: mambo (salsa on 2) and understand the structure of the music more.
3) Continue to go out social dancing making sure to vary the dancing when I can: salsa, bachata, casino, rueda, cha-cha, swing/blues
4) Learn new dances: Dabble in a little bit of West Coast Swing, Belly Dancing (its fun and I have a long, long way to go; Kizomba, which is a fusion of some of my favorite dancing AND the music is just lovely: I dabbled in West Coast Swing but am not quite ready to give up more for it.
5) Learn to lead (salsa and bachata)
6) Started to discuss dancing with my fellow dancer friends and in some cases, we coach each other on moves that we do and the styling that we have - its great fun to collaborate and even be able to help someone else find their own stride!
To say that I still enjoy dancing is an understatement, unlike some of the folks who dance as much as I do (or did) who have hit the "burn out" period where they need to step away from the dancing, I haven't gotten there yet and I think I won't because of the variety of dances I'm learning all at once.
Is there ever an end to learning? I don't think so. I maintain that as long as you are willing, there is always something to learn. Take dancing: it is framed by music and movement and created/performed by people. There are so many different kinds of people in the world who provide an unending supply of creative juices on top of a rich history! There will always be someone new to dance with or some new song that is made. The only reason you would stop learning is if you don't want to anymore.
In the end, at every juncture, its really more about answering the question "Is dancing something I still love doing?"
For me, the answer is still unequivocably is YES!
Share your thoughts, let me know what you think and if you have other ideas to share - please do!
Happy Dancing
There are many stages to learning and some academics may even have their own models for the different stages.What I'm writing here are the stages that I went through and where I currently am almost 3 years into salsa dancing.
This progression may sound familiar - I think that everyone goes through some form of these stages though its possible that the order may be different. Anyway, I'm writing to share and maybe help other folks who might find themselves in the "What Now?" predicament - something that can happen several times in one's dance progressions.
Beginner: Unsure but interested; having fun with the dance but not sure enough to go out dancing beyond the classroom. You're just starting and are enrolled in some sort of beginner class. You've decided to try salsa dancing for one, some or all of these reasons: your friend dragged you out, the newness is fun, the social part is fun, there maybe some attractive people in class you'd like to get to know more (instructor not excluded), its something active to do, you've always wanted to try it because it looks fun/cool.
Advanced Beginner: Its been anywhere from 2-6 months since you've started and you've gone through a few of the beginner series and have a little bit of an arsenal to play with for dancing. You may have even started to take lessons from other instructors (oh yes, there are many out there!) You're getting to know your classmates and are maybe starting to go out social dancing at least once a week.
JUNCTURE: At this point some people fall off for one reason or another: it was fun but you're not willing to spend more time to get better; you met someone and their into something else; its not floating your boat any more; you've had some bad dance experiences and have been turned off; other stuff in your life just is more important.
Intermediate: You've "graduated"! You're about year into dancing and someone said that you're good enough to make the leap to intermediate! You're more confident, know more moves, you're actually out social dancing 2, maybe 3 times a week and are starting to notice what the more advanced dancers are doing. you pick out your favorites as you watch them and think to yourself - "I want to dance like that!"
JUNCTURE: At this point you either become a total addict, or you decide that perhaps its time to back off a little bit and focus on something else. Basically, if you've caught the bug, you're hooked and booked! You'll find yourself dancing almost everyday, taking lessons from 1 or more teachers, attending salsa congresses, talking about dancing and hanging out with dancers all the time.
Advanced Intermediate: About a year and a half close to the 2 year mark you find yourself at another weird spot. You know enough to know that there's a LOT you still have to learn. You're all of a sudden finding that all you ever do in your free time is dance - yes, you are now officially a salsaholic. If you're still stuck in the taking classes mode and haven't gone out dancing then you're not really addicted yet and should really consider social dancing more. You're probably contemplating the next congress or 2 and even starting to branch out and try venues outside your established comfort zones.
JUNCTURE: For me, this was a key juncture. I was starting to wonder how long it would take me to "get better" to the point where I would be happy with my dancing. I was a bit frustrated because I didn't think I could ever look like these professionals who were so polished and precise. I took myself away from the dancing scene I did know and vacationed in Oaxaca and learned from someone new. I met some great people and the instructor I learned from had a style I could relate to (and some advice from an ex) I was re-energized! I hit a new stride and my dance confidence went WAAAAAAY up. [This is KEY by the was, the confidence going up... it really changes your dance, and for the better!] I decided that I didn't have to look like anyone else, I should just be me! I wanted to be the best follow I could be while social dancing and all of a sudden, all my doubts disappeared, I found my own style and got great feedback and started to really enjoy the dance. I'm able to turn off my own self-critic, still be open to learning and incorporate all the other dances that I knew about into salsa.
Advanced: All that dancing got you here :) Its likely to be going on year 3 to 5. You've established a routine of your favorite places to go and are getting more play time with the folks you've been watching and looking up to. You're still taking some lessons and likely going to congresses. You're friends list in facebook has grown because of all your new dancer friends. Its weird (but nice) when this happens but you're likely to now be the one that people want to dance like. You're dance card is always full and when you go to your familiar haunts, there's always someone you know and can say hi to, get a hug, get a dance and off you go.
Its another JUNCTURE: Where do you go from here? You've maxed out on lessons, may have even taken privates with one or more instructors and still get a high from all the dancing. Your non-dance time is quite limited and people outside of dance only ever know you to be dancing. The euphoria is still there but something might be missing or you're starting to wonder what to do next. So what now?
These are the options I compiled for myself and from talking to others in a similar stage:
- Life is good: You are happy with your dancing, the people you're meeting, its a great place to be and nothing more needs to be said.
- If you haven't already, dance with other teachers; attend congresses where you get exposed to teachers/dancers outside of Seattle
- Explore other latin dances: chacha, merengue, bachata, cumbia
- Explore other dances: blues, swing, tango
- Back to the basics or "Everything old is new again" there are nuances that you may discover by going back the basics or taking basics from some other dance.
- Learn the opposite role (if you're a lead, follow and vice versa)
- Explore other forms of Salsa: casino, rueda de casino, on2 mambo, sohn, etc.
- Understand the music more
- Join a performance team
- Find a dance Partner to dance with and practice for social dancing
- Find a dance Partner to dance with and practice for performance
- Help out with or start to contemplate teaching
What did I decide to do? pretty much almost all of the above except for performing with a partner
1) Join a Performance Dance Team and experience choreographed Salsa
2) Took lessons to improve other related dances: mambo (salsa on 2) and understand the structure of the music more.
3) Continue to go out social dancing making sure to vary the dancing when I can: salsa, bachata, casino, rueda, cha-cha, swing/blues
4) Learn new dances: Dabble in a little bit of West Coast Swing, Belly Dancing (its fun and I have a long, long way to go; Kizomba, which is a fusion of some of my favorite dancing AND the music is just lovely: I dabbled in West Coast Swing but am not quite ready to give up more for it.
5) Learn to lead (salsa and bachata)
6) Started to discuss dancing with my fellow dancer friends and in some cases, we coach each other on moves that we do and the styling that we have - its great fun to collaborate and even be able to help someone else find their own stride!
To say that I still enjoy dancing is an understatement, unlike some of the folks who dance as much as I do (or did) who have hit the "burn out" period where they need to step away from the dancing, I haven't gotten there yet and I think I won't because of the variety of dances I'm learning all at once.
Is there ever an end to learning? I don't think so. I maintain that as long as you are willing, there is always something to learn. Take dancing: it is framed by music and movement and created/performed by people. There are so many different kinds of people in the world who provide an unending supply of creative juices on top of a rich history! There will always be someone new to dance with or some new song that is made. The only reason you would stop learning is if you don't want to anymore.
In the end, at every juncture, its really more about answering the question "Is dancing something I still love doing?"
For me, the answer is still unequivocably is YES!
Share your thoughts, let me know what you think and if you have other ideas to share - please do!
Happy Dancing
Friday, February 19, 2010
Connections - Adventures in Life (Part 1 of 4)
Some of the best adventures in life result from those wonderful and unexpected connections that you make with other people. I am very lucky and extremely grateful to have made so many wonderful connections in my life so far. My connections in dancing have certainly added to these adventures and have all contributed to helping me grow in becoming a better follow.
So, to give weight to how important this topic is and so I don't write a blog article that turns into a short story, this begins Part 1 of a 4 part series where I'll share my views on dance connections.
As much as there is so much joy in partner dancing, I hate to admit that not all connections are equal. Some are so memorable, I can still remember them years after and some are just memories I don't want to re-live. I do believe that every connection teaches me something about myself and makes me more confident in who I am.
In my perfect world, anything to do with dancing would only be a joyful occasion. Reality often reminds me that this is not always the case. The good news is, there are ways to make more of the good kinds of connections and less of the "undesirable" kind.
Dance is a microcosm for real life and the social interactions and connections on the dance floor are a hotbed of metaphors for those same interactions off the dance floor. So, based on my experiences so far, I'd like to offer some general advice that will lead to more positive connection on the social dance floor.
BIG UMBRELLA GUIDELINE: A nice, simple introduction is always the best way to start.
There aren't words enough to describe how important this. This rule applies whether you're dancing with someone for the 1st time or not. It can make all the difference in making or breaking a connection. I'm just suggesting that every interaction should start with a nice "Hello".
If you already know the person, then that can take different forms:
1) A hug
2) A kiss on the cheek
3) A chest bump
you get the general drift.
So with social dancing - BONUS! There's this song that's playing in the background.... AND it has an introduction too!
Here's what I suggest:
1) Take the 1st few 8 counts to establish the beat/rhythm of the dance. One of the hardest things for me as a follow to do is to dance off beat. Its almost as bad as scratching your nails on a chalk board. When you take the time to establish your rhythm in a comfortable position (Open embrace or closed), you're able to take that few seconds to smile at your partner, listen to the music and set yourself up for the rest of the song.
2) Get a feel for your partner and their dancing style. I don't mean feel her up. I mean start by checking to see if you're connected by moving side to side. Execute a few basic moves(cross body, inside turn, outside turn) and then rev it up if you think she can handle more. I'm pretty sure that if you're opening move is to throw your follow into a quadruple spin,its not the friendliest way to say "hello" unless your dancing with a whirling dervish (no offense intended). Instead of that nice hello, you'd be saying "Let's see if you can handle THAT! Show me what you got!" Not exactly the most friendly of hello's.
3) Get in to a flow and then build up the moves. Most leads that are learning will have a set of moves that they'll want to just run through and that's ok because we all have to practice what we learned. BUT, its a bit jarring to do a move that doesn't quite fit so well with the music. Just because you can do something in time and on beat, doesn't make it "fit". LISTEN TO THE MUSIC - if it means not dancing right away, then take the time. I can't tell you how many lovely jazzy songs have been not quite as lovely because a lead decides to execute these series of quick fast turns and direction changes that just don't fit as well as smooth variations of cross body leads with turns, sweeps and flares that help express the music so much better. Its just as bad to try to dance in a tightly closed embrace to an extremely fast and happy song: not only to you (the lead) run the risk of crossing the line into being a pervert, but you also just kill all the energy of the song and will force your follow into an extremely defensive stance which just ain't nice.
4) Try to match your partner. Yes, for advanced dancers this could mean toning down quite a bit. Ever seen a ballerina dance with a head banging rocker? Its probably quite entertaining for the people watching but I'm willing to bet that as a far as a connection goes, not so much. Its a much better dance experience all around if you can match each other. Key words: Match Each Other which implies that its a 2-way street! Don't force it, don't stress it and whatever you do, don't belabor it! If something doesn't work, don't get upset. Humor is a good alternative to most situations on the dance floor and at the very least, just smile (that's what works for me almost 100% of the time). If you make a mistake and own it, no apologies necessary: sheepish smile, keep on dancing and your golden. If you're dancing with someone new, who's to say you didn't plan it anyway? In rueda (which is a group dance) when a move goes horribly wrong our caller will call "reset!" and execute a basic move to get everyone together again. You can do this too - just come up with your reset move, smile and move on.
The final catch all: I'm diverging a little here to share a personal belief that a mark of a good follow is that they can match any lead. The key word is CAN. Just because one can do something, doesn't mean one chooses to do so or likes it. Social dancing for most people is about the joy of expressing music through movement with another person. Everyone has their own wants about what that is and if someone only chooses to dance with people they know they can connect with, that's their choice. Don't make it into your issue. Personally, I believe that there's more great connections to be experienced out there all the time. By giving everyone a chance - at least give one dance - I can always find them. If it turns out those few minutes are not so good for me, then I can choose to decline the next time that person asks.
These are my general rules to achieving nice connections all the time. There are exceptions obviously and then what do you do when the other person is just not cooperating or operating with the same rules? I try to address that a little bit in the next parts of this series where I talk about specific connections. I've generalized the connections I've experienced into different types/categories which I'll get into in more detail.
Here's a preview of what they are:
The Undesirable Connection: This is the connection that, for whatever reason, leaves you with a bad taste. These are the experiences that reaffirms the things that you don't like in interacting with people and give you the opportunity to handle them with grace (or at least minimum damage).
The Uncertain Connection: Though I think this is unique to a learning situation, its still happens in real life so I want to give it a category of its own. Often this connection will lead to another type as time passes.
The On-Again-Off-Again Connection: I think that description says it all and like the Uncertain Connection, it can evolve into another kind of connection over time.
The Solid Feel Good Connection: These are the connections I strive to have the most of as follower in dance as well as a person navigating through life.
The Mwah! Connection: Heavenly, my "top 10", totally whack! Ideally - all connections should be like this. These are the connections that are so memorable, you'll find yourself talking about them years after they 1st happened and hopefully they are happening still. Life would be a dream if all connections were like this one.
The Electric Out-of-This-World Connection: This connection is old black magic that makes your head spin and leaves you bemused, sometimes bothered and totally bewildered.
So, to give weight to how important this topic is and so I don't write a blog article that turns into a short story, this begins Part 1 of a 4 part series where I'll share my views on dance connections.
As much as there is so much joy in partner dancing, I hate to admit that not all connections are equal. Some are so memorable, I can still remember them years after and some are just memories I don't want to re-live. I do believe that every connection teaches me something about myself and makes me more confident in who I am.
In my perfect world, anything to do with dancing would only be a joyful occasion. Reality often reminds me that this is not always the case. The good news is, there are ways to make more of the good kinds of connections and less of the "undesirable" kind.
Dance is a microcosm for real life and the social interactions and connections on the dance floor are a hotbed of metaphors for those same interactions off the dance floor. So, based on my experiences so far, I'd like to offer some general advice that will lead to more positive connection on the social dance floor.
BIG UMBRELLA GUIDELINE: A nice, simple introduction is always the best way to start.
There aren't words enough to describe how important this. This rule applies whether you're dancing with someone for the 1st time or not. It can make all the difference in making or breaking a connection. I'm just suggesting that every interaction should start with a nice "Hello".
If you already know the person, then that can take different forms:
1) A hug
2) A kiss on the cheek
3) A chest bump
you get the general drift.
So with social dancing - BONUS! There's this song that's playing in the background.... AND it has an introduction too!
Here's what I suggest:
1) Take the 1st few 8 counts to establish the beat/rhythm of the dance. One of the hardest things for me as a follow to do is to dance off beat. Its almost as bad as scratching your nails on a chalk board. When you take the time to establish your rhythm in a comfortable position (Open embrace or closed), you're able to take that few seconds to smile at your partner, listen to the music and set yourself up for the rest of the song.
2) Get a feel for your partner and their dancing style. I don't mean feel her up. I mean start by checking to see if you're connected by moving side to side. Execute a few basic moves(cross body, inside turn, outside turn) and then rev it up if you think she can handle more. I'm pretty sure that if you're opening move is to throw your follow into a quadruple spin,its not the friendliest way to say "hello" unless your dancing with a whirling dervish (no offense intended). Instead of that nice hello, you'd be saying "Let's see if you can handle THAT! Show me what you got!" Not exactly the most friendly of hello's.
3) Get in to a flow and then build up the moves. Most leads that are learning will have a set of moves that they'll want to just run through and that's ok because we all have to practice what we learned. BUT, its a bit jarring to do a move that doesn't quite fit so well with the music. Just because you can do something in time and on beat, doesn't make it "fit". LISTEN TO THE MUSIC - if it means not dancing right away, then take the time. I can't tell you how many lovely jazzy songs have been not quite as lovely because a lead decides to execute these series of quick fast turns and direction changes that just don't fit as well as smooth variations of cross body leads with turns, sweeps and flares that help express the music so much better. Its just as bad to try to dance in a tightly closed embrace to an extremely fast and happy song: not only to you (the lead) run the risk of crossing the line into being a pervert, but you also just kill all the energy of the song and will force your follow into an extremely defensive stance which just ain't nice.
4) Try to match your partner. Yes, for advanced dancers this could mean toning down quite a bit. Ever seen a ballerina dance with a head banging rocker? Its probably quite entertaining for the people watching but I'm willing to bet that as a far as a connection goes, not so much. Its a much better dance experience all around if you can match each other. Key words: Match Each Other which implies that its a 2-way street! Don't force it, don't stress it and whatever you do, don't belabor it! If something doesn't work, don't get upset. Humor is a good alternative to most situations on the dance floor and at the very least, just smile (that's what works for me almost 100% of the time). If you make a mistake and own it, no apologies necessary: sheepish smile, keep on dancing and your golden. If you're dancing with someone new, who's to say you didn't plan it anyway? In rueda (which is a group dance) when a move goes horribly wrong our caller will call "reset!" and execute a basic move to get everyone together again. You can do this too - just come up with your reset move, smile and move on.
The final catch all: I'm diverging a little here to share a personal belief that a mark of a good follow is that they can match any lead. The key word is CAN. Just because one can do something, doesn't mean one chooses to do so or likes it. Social dancing for most people is about the joy of expressing music through movement with another person. Everyone has their own wants about what that is and if someone only chooses to dance with people they know they can connect with, that's their choice. Don't make it into your issue. Personally, I believe that there's more great connections to be experienced out there all the time. By giving everyone a chance - at least give one dance - I can always find them. If it turns out those few minutes are not so good for me, then I can choose to decline the next time that person asks.
These are my general rules to achieving nice connections all the time. There are exceptions obviously and then what do you do when the other person is just not cooperating or operating with the same rules? I try to address that a little bit in the next parts of this series where I talk about specific connections. I've generalized the connections I've experienced into different types/categories which I'll get into in more detail.
Here's a preview of what they are:
The Undesirable Connection: This is the connection that, for whatever reason, leaves you with a bad taste. These are the experiences that reaffirms the things that you don't like in interacting with people and give you the opportunity to handle them with grace (or at least minimum damage).
The Uncertain Connection: Though I think this is unique to a learning situation, its still happens in real life so I want to give it a category of its own. Often this connection will lead to another type as time passes.
The On-Again-Off-Again Connection: I think that description says it all and like the Uncertain Connection, it can evolve into another kind of connection over time.
The Solid Feel Good Connection: These are the connections I strive to have the most of as follower in dance as well as a person navigating through life.
The Mwah! Connection: Heavenly, my "top 10", totally whack! Ideally - all connections should be like this. These are the connections that are so memorable, you'll find yourself talking about them years after they 1st happened and hopefully they are happening still. Life would be a dream if all connections were like this one.
The Electric Out-of-This-World Connection: This connection is old black magic that makes your head spin and leaves you bemused, sometimes bothered and totally bewildered.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Its Not About Perfection, Its About How You Handle Your Mistakes
As I continue to dance and grow as a dancer, I am struck by how differently people seem to approach their dancing. So many people strive for perfection and yet perfection can be so different, depending on what it is you love about the dance and what your goals are.
I realized that for myself, while achieving perfection is a challenge I can strive for, what's important to me is how well I can handle the unexpected twists and turns on the dance floor.
It would be lovely to live in a world that does not measure how well you do something: where you're not being judged against some standard or high bar. Instead, wouldn't it be more pleasant to focus on how much you've learned and the joy that you share and experience along the way. I believe the mastery of a skill should be celebrated as much as the journey along the way.
I don't deny it. It's great to get 100%. One of my clearest memories during my freshman year at MIT was the fact that I was the 1st one of my freshman friends to get 100% in a calculus quiz. I remember that my fellow freshmen friends looked at me with such respect: I impressed the hell out of them all - me, this chinese girl from the Philippines.
When I'm social dancing, the perfect moment is this indescribable high I get when I have struck an effortless connection with my partner and the music. I'm smiling all the time as my lead plays with our movement so that the expression of it fits hand in glove with the music that's playing. The dancing is effortless, like walking on clouds. And, when the music ends, I'm breathless: not just from the physical dance but from all the fun that I'm having.
I don't always know what's coming in a dance. I still have lots to learn so there are times when I know I missed a cue from my lead or when the his face give away that there was an "oops!" moment. Its a mistake right? Here's the best part - a perfect dance can have those moments but because the connection is so strong, its not really a mistake, it becomes part of the dance. Then, the cherry on the sundae happens when my lead decides to try that missed move again anyway and voila! Magnifique!
I don't always do it well - but I do know that when I can handle my mistakes with humility, grace and humor its wonderful! In fact, I think that perfection might well be re-defined by not just what you achieve but how well you handle your mistakes along the way.
I realized that for myself, while achieving perfection is a challenge I can strive for, what's important to me is how well I can handle the unexpected twists and turns on the dance floor.
It would be lovely to live in a world that does not measure how well you do something: where you're not being judged against some standard or high bar. Instead, wouldn't it be more pleasant to focus on how much you've learned and the joy that you share and experience along the way. I believe the mastery of a skill should be celebrated as much as the journey along the way.
I don't deny it. It's great to get 100%. One of my clearest memories during my freshman year at MIT was the fact that I was the 1st one of my freshman friends to get 100% in a calculus quiz. I remember that my fellow freshmen friends looked at me with such respect: I impressed the hell out of them all - me, this chinese girl from the Philippines.
When I'm social dancing, the perfect moment is this indescribable high I get when I have struck an effortless connection with my partner and the music. I'm smiling all the time as my lead plays with our movement so that the expression of it fits hand in glove with the music that's playing. The dancing is effortless, like walking on clouds. And, when the music ends, I'm breathless: not just from the physical dance but from all the fun that I'm having.
I don't always know what's coming in a dance. I still have lots to learn so there are times when I know I missed a cue from my lead or when the his face give away that there was an "oops!" moment. Its a mistake right? Here's the best part - a perfect dance can have those moments but because the connection is so strong, its not really a mistake, it becomes part of the dance. Then, the cherry on the sundae happens when my lead decides to try that missed move again anyway and voila! Magnifique!
I don't always do it well - but I do know that when I can handle my mistakes with humility, grace and humor its wonderful! In fact, I think that perfection might well be re-defined by not just what you achieve but how well you handle your mistakes along the way.
Monday, November 9, 2009
That Old Black Magic has Me In Its Spell
"...round and round I go.. In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic"
Complete lyrics are at the bottom of this post.
Immortalized by 'ol Frankie himself, I just wanted to share the lyrics to this song. It embodies for me what often times happen on the dance floor: a brief, but magical love affair to some sassy tune between a leading lady and her leading man.
I spent the weekend at the Emerald City Blues Festival and learned a lot about the lead-follow connection so perhaps that's why this song in spinning around in my head. Every instructor said the same thing about how to have the best dance (not specific to blues):
The framework of a dance is finite: its got a start and finish and if both parties wish it, they can meet up again to dance or thank each other and go their separate ways. This isn't always so clean cut where people and relationships are concerned but if you keep in mind how much fun it can be and how good it can feel - I think these basic rules of dance can be used as the same basic guidelines in life.
After all, we call could use a good dose of that old black magic.
Lyrics: THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC
-by Frank Sinatra
That old black magic has me in its spell, that old black magic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.
The same old tingle that I feel inside, and then that elevator starts its ride
And down and down I go, round and round I go, like a leaf that's caught in the tide.
I should stay away, but what can I do?
I hear your name and I'm aflame
Aflame with such a burning desire that only your kiss can put out the fire.
For you're the lover I have waited for, the mate that fate had me created for.
And every time your lips meet mine, darling, down and down I go, round and round I go
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic called love
Complete lyrics are at the bottom of this post.
Immortalized by 'ol Frankie himself, I just wanted to share the lyrics to this song. It embodies for me what often times happen on the dance floor: a brief, but magical love affair to some sassy tune between a leading lady and her leading man.
I spent the weekend at the Emerald City Blues Festival and learned a lot about the lead-follow connection so perhaps that's why this song in spinning around in my head. Every instructor said the same thing about how to have the best dance (not specific to blues):
- Connect with the music (sing with it if you can)
- In the beginning, spend some time to get to know your partner 1st
- Lead's initiate
- Follow's execute and showcase with flourish
- Relax and slow down, don't rush the dance: leader's wait for your follow to respond, follows wait for the lead
- Leads, showcase your follow and if something isn't working, don't force the move, just try something else.
- Follows don't stay in the middle ground, be clear about your movement and finish your moves instead of 2nd guessing what the next one is going to be.
The framework of a dance is finite: its got a start and finish and if both parties wish it, they can meet up again to dance or thank each other and go their separate ways. This isn't always so clean cut where people and relationships are concerned but if you keep in mind how much fun it can be and how good it can feel - I think these basic rules of dance can be used as the same basic guidelines in life.
After all, we call could use a good dose of that old black magic.
Lyrics: THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC
-by Frank Sinatra
That old black magic has me in its spell, that old black magic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.
The same old tingle that I feel inside, and then that elevator starts its ride
And down and down I go, round and round I go, like a leaf that's caught in the tide.
I should stay away, but what can I do?
I hear your name and I'm aflame
Aflame with such a burning desire that only your kiss can put out the fire.
For you're the lover I have waited for, the mate that fate had me created for.
And every time your lips meet mine, darling, down and down I go, round and round I go
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic called love
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Let Go and Experience the Magic
[I believe that partner dance is one huge metaphor for life and if I ever get around to writing something more than a blog entry, this would be one of the chapters...]
I once read about this advice somewhere: let go and experience the magic.
Partner dancing as a follower has taught this to me time and time again.
Aside from the obvious characteristics that make up a good dancer: balance, musicality, presence, style, rhythm, poster, etc. a good follow has to have one key trait: the ability to let go and truly connect with the music and the lead.
Partner dancing is not about who has control. Its about connecting with the music and then working together to create movement with one person initiating and the other responding.
While the connection to the music is the key to establishing this wonderful interlude, for me, the true magic of the dance happens when I react to the movement initiated by my lead without having to anticipate what’s coming next. The dance becomes a series of moments that flow so seamlessly, where things just fit together almost as if they were just meant to be.
Not every dance is this way, there are certain styles that can be difficult to dance with. There are certain dance leads who use moves that don't quite fit with the melody and rhythm that defines the song. Regardless, when I dance with a lead that can match the music, no matter what his style of dance or level of dance is, as long as we have that connection, I let go and the rest of the world just fades to the background.
I know I have a great dance when intended moves that don't quite turn out as they were first envisioned do not cause a "bump" in the dance. That moment is not marred by apologies. Instead, the magic continues: there is something new that was just "created" , always a shared smile of accomplice and the dance continues, uninterrupted.
The same is true in life: letting go of the outcome contains the ultimate reward. As with dancing, there less stress, less anxiety and less disappointment from non-existent expectations: things are smooth, joyous and fun.
There is a sense of stability in staying true to yourself, a focus on being independent and owning your own happiness. There is a confidence that comes with being so in tune with the present moment that what to do next just unfolds with ease.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to let go, especially when you want something so very, very much or when you're just learning something new. But, just think back to times when it seemed like something “magical” happened. You might be able to trace it back to moments where you haven’t been as “in control” as you thought you should be. The “pleasant surprise” is a surprise because you had no expectations – you just went along your merry way and "hello!" something nice happened.
When I find myself stuck, its usually because things are not the way I want them to be: I'm too wrapped up in why and the how and the "what the heck happened?" To get un-stuck, I dance ;) or, I breathe, focus instead on enjoying what I have in the present and let go.
There are many other people that have shared this same sentiment in words far more eloquent that I could ever come up with so I’ll end with several quotes that I could've used as titles to this blog:
Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet
“Less is more.”
-- Unknown
“Don’t force it.”
-- Unknown
Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey
By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.
-- Lao Tzu
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist
Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties,
-- Gail Sheehy
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell
I once read about this advice somewhere: let go and experience the magic.
Partner dancing as a follower has taught this to me time and time again.
Aside from the obvious characteristics that make up a good dancer: balance, musicality, presence, style, rhythm, poster, etc. a good follow has to have one key trait: the ability to let go and truly connect with the music and the lead.
Partner dancing is not about who has control. Its about connecting with the music and then working together to create movement with one person initiating and the other responding.
While the connection to the music is the key to establishing this wonderful interlude, for me, the true magic of the dance happens when I react to the movement initiated by my lead without having to anticipate what’s coming next. The dance becomes a series of moments that flow so seamlessly, where things just fit together almost as if they were just meant to be.
Not every dance is this way, there are certain styles that can be difficult to dance with. There are certain dance leads who use moves that don't quite fit with the melody and rhythm that defines the song. Regardless, when I dance with a lead that can match the music, no matter what his style of dance or level of dance is, as long as we have that connection, I let go and the rest of the world just fades to the background.
I know I have a great dance when intended moves that don't quite turn out as they were first envisioned do not cause a "bump" in the dance. That moment is not marred by apologies. Instead, the magic continues: there is something new that was just "created" , always a shared smile of accomplice and the dance continues, uninterrupted.
The same is true in life: letting go of the outcome contains the ultimate reward. As with dancing, there less stress, less anxiety and less disappointment from non-existent expectations: things are smooth, joyous and fun.
There is a sense of stability in staying true to yourself, a focus on being independent and owning your own happiness. There is a confidence that comes with being so in tune with the present moment that what to do next just unfolds with ease.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to let go, especially when you want something so very, very much or when you're just learning something new. But, just think back to times when it seemed like something “magical” happened. You might be able to trace it back to moments where you haven’t been as “in control” as you thought you should be. The “pleasant surprise” is a surprise because you had no expectations – you just went along your merry way and "hello!" something nice happened.
When I find myself stuck, its usually because things are not the way I want them to be: I'm too wrapped up in why and the how and the "what the heck happened?" To get un-stuck, I dance ;) or, I breathe, focus instead on enjoying what I have in the present and let go.
There are many other people that have shared this same sentiment in words far more eloquent that I could ever come up with so I’ll end with several quotes that I could've used as titles to this blog:
Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet
“Less is more.”
-- Unknown
“Don’t force it.”
-- Unknown
Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey
By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.
-- Lao Tzu
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist
Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties,
-- Gail Sheehy
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thanks!
I received one of the best compliments ever while dancing on Monday night and it inspired me to write about some memorable compliments that I and other friends have received. This is written as a tribute and a big SHOUT OUT to everyone responsible for these comments: you have given the recipients of your remarks a memory guaranteed to bring out a smile.Thank you so very much!
Here they are listed in no particular order with some license on the wording because I don't have perfect memory. Some were said, some written and it's no surprise that a lot of them have to do with dancing. :D I don't believe any of these are trademarked and I'm sure they're ok to repeat to someone else if you meant it. Feel free to share more by posting through comments below. Enjoy!
"You're such a great follow that it doesn't matter how f_ _ _'d up my lead is, you'll still follow it."
NOTE: This was of course followed up with "That was meant to be a compliment by the way."
"That was the best dance of the night."
NOTE: Later when bidding goodbye at the end fo the night, this person added: "I was having an off night and after our dance things turned around. That was definitely a great dance."
"I think I was a fan even before I danced with her"
"WOW!"
NOTE: This is definitely situational too - it happened at the end of the dance that was too sweet for words and we both said it at the same time when the dance ended.
"Dancing with you reminds me of dancing with my wife."
"You always make me look good."
"I'm really happy that you're in my life."
"Thank you for being you."
"Everytime I have an email from you in my Inbox, my heart smiles."
" Your smile just lights up my day."
" That was just perfect."
"That was HOT!!"
NOTE: Believe it or not, the actual context for this one was during a volleyball game. The left side hitter had just scored a point on a hit he just NAILED and the 1st thing he did when he landed was turn to his setter and say this.
"Its so much fun to watch you dance. You enjoy it so much and dance so gracefully."
NOTE: Delivery was way cool because it was given by some total stranger who was not a dancer and just watching on the sidelines.
Here they are listed in no particular order with some license on the wording because I don't have perfect memory. Some were said, some written and it's no surprise that a lot of them have to do with dancing. :D I don't believe any of these are trademarked and I'm sure they're ok to repeat to someone else if you meant it. Feel free to share more by posting through comments below. Enjoy!
"You're such a great follow that it doesn't matter how f_ _ _'d up my lead is, you'll still follow it."
NOTE: This was of course followed up with "That was meant to be a compliment by the way."
"That was the best dance of the night."
NOTE: Later when bidding goodbye at the end fo the night, this person added: "I was having an off night and after our dance things turned around. That was definitely a great dance."
"I think I was a fan even before I danced with her"
"WOW!"
NOTE: This is definitely situational too - it happened at the end of the dance that was too sweet for words and we both said it at the same time when the dance ended.
"Dancing with you reminds me of dancing with my wife."
"You always make me look good."
"I'm really happy that you're in my life."
"Thank you for being you."
"Everytime I have an email from you in my Inbox, my heart smiles."
" Your smile just lights up my day."
" That was just perfect."
"That was HOT!!"
NOTE: Believe it or not, the actual context for this one was during a volleyball game. The left side hitter had just scored a point on a hit he just NAILED and the 1st thing he did when he landed was turn to his setter and say this.
"Its so much fun to watch you dance. You enjoy it so much and dance so gracefully."
NOTE: Delivery was way cool because it was given by some total stranger who was not a dancer and just watching on the sidelines.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Simple Rules for the Social Dance Floor
I am surprised and saddened by the bad experiences people sometimes have on the social dance floor. I wanted to share some simple rules that I believe would make bad experiences extinct. In my ideal world, there would be NO bad things on a social dance floor.
Here goes!
From Webster's (www.webster.com)
social
Pronunciation: \ˈsō-shəl\
Function: adjective
Marked by or passed in pleasant companionship with one's friends or associates
1) The key word is SOCIAL: It’s not a classroom or a performance stage. It’s a laid back, social gathering that is meant to be pleasant. There's no test, there's no grade. People go out to socialize and have a good time. Keep it FUN, keep it joyful, keep it relaxed. I know there are many factors that could add stress to a social gathering and things may not always turn out the way you want them to but don’t force it: magic does happen when you let go and just go with the flow. [and I’m not just talking about being a follow :) ]
A small note about PRACTICA: A PRACTICA can be a bit different since the purpose behind them is for practicing moves BUT, it’s still social. So, for you leads who like to perfect a move: we follows love that perfect lead and we also understand that you need to practice but please remember that some people do go to practices to just enjoy dancing in a non-class, non-clubby atmosphere. Keep the practicing to short spurts - check in about whether the practice time is too much. Sometimes, you just need to dance and relax instead of beating a move to death.
2) Remember to look at your partner and SMILE: A smile is a wonderful thing. For so little effort, it can immediately put your partner at ease. Its infectious. The returns on this one small gesture on your part is priceless. Honestly, I think it’s the one thing that is entirely within your control where the return on investment is HUGE! Just think about bringing out the smile on that dance crush you’re currently into … sigh :D [Speaking of which, I need to make a plug on salsa crushes here.]
3) Do unto others as you would have done to yourself: I know this is totally cliché but it’s a universal truth and really, a very simple rule. If you don't like it when you experience it, odds are someone else won't like it either. Some of us may not have been brought up in the same social circles of etiquette but if you keep in mind the things that you like and don’t like, and make sure that you don’t do the things you don’t like to other people, I think it’s safe to say that you won’t step on anyone’s toes.
For those of you that need some concrete examples of what NOT to do:
Don't grope
Don't nag
Don't teach
Don't handle your dance partner like a rag doll
Don't ignore the person who's right in front of you
4) Remember: Its only a few minutes – just grin and bear it.: There will be times when you’re in the “lemon” situation. Where you’ve either said yes to a dance or asked someone to dance who is hopelessly off beat or just plain uncomfortable to dance with (for whatever reason). It’s only a few minutes of your life. Yes, they could be rude. Yes, they could be creepy. Yes, they could be totally “ewwwww”. For those few minutes (and hopefully it’s not a song played by a live band that’s lasting 10 minutes or longer) in your life, just plaster that fake smile and grin and bear it. You don’t have to accept (or ask for) a dance the next time you see them AND (more importantly) don’t let the experience ruin the rest of your night! Brush it off like water off a duck and move on.
I know this last rule can be hard. After all, you can't control someone else's actions. Here's the question to ask yourself: "Why let a ______ (you can insert whatever negative adjective you want here) person ruin your day?" Absolutely make sure you have your support system nearby so that you can vent to your hearts content and immediately replace those last few minutes with something much more worthwhile.
When all is said and done, I believe that dancing is meant to be a joyful expression and one that should not take place in an environment that causes someone else to feel bad. These simple rules just help to reinforce that.
Here goes!
From Webster's (www.webster.com)
social
Pronunciation: \ˈsō-shəl\
Function: adjective
Marked by or passed in pleasant companionship with one's friends or associates
1) The key word is SOCIAL: It’s not a classroom or a performance stage. It’s a laid back, social gathering that is meant to be pleasant. There's no test, there's no grade. People go out to socialize and have a good time. Keep it FUN, keep it joyful, keep it relaxed. I know there are many factors that could add stress to a social gathering and things may not always turn out the way you want them to but don’t force it: magic does happen when you let go and just go with the flow. [and I’m not just talking about being a follow :) ]
A small note about PRACTICA: A PRACTICA can be a bit different since the purpose behind them is for practicing moves BUT, it’s still social. So, for you leads who like to perfect a move: we follows love that perfect lead and we also understand that you need to practice but please remember that some people do go to practices to just enjoy dancing in a non-class, non-clubby atmosphere. Keep the practicing to short spurts - check in about whether the practice time is too much. Sometimes, you just need to dance and relax instead of beating a move to death.
2) Remember to look at your partner and SMILE: A smile is a wonderful thing. For so little effort, it can immediately put your partner at ease. Its infectious. The returns on this one small gesture on your part is priceless. Honestly, I think it’s the one thing that is entirely within your control where the return on investment is HUGE! Just think about bringing out the smile on that dance crush you’re currently into … sigh :D [Speaking of which, I need to make a plug on salsa crushes here.]
3) Do unto others as you would have done to yourself: I know this is totally cliché but it’s a universal truth and really, a very simple rule. If you don't like it when you experience it, odds are someone else won't like it either. Some of us may not have been brought up in the same social circles of etiquette but if you keep in mind the things that you like and don’t like, and make sure that you don’t do the things you don’t like to other people, I think it’s safe to say that you won’t step on anyone’s toes.
For those of you that need some concrete examples of what NOT to do:
Don't grope
Don't nag
Don't teach
Don't handle your dance partner like a rag doll
Don't ignore the person who's right in front of you
4) Remember: Its only a few minutes – just grin and bear it.: There will be times when you’re in the “lemon” situation. Where you’ve either said yes to a dance or asked someone to dance who is hopelessly off beat or just plain uncomfortable to dance with (for whatever reason). It’s only a few minutes of your life. Yes, they could be rude. Yes, they could be creepy. Yes, they could be totally “ewwwww”. For those few minutes (and hopefully it’s not a song played by a live band that’s lasting 10 minutes or longer) in your life, just plaster that fake smile and grin and bear it. You don’t have to accept (or ask for) a dance the next time you see them AND (more importantly) don’t let the experience ruin the rest of your night! Brush it off like water off a duck and move on.
I know this last rule can be hard. After all, you can't control someone else's actions. Here's the question to ask yourself: "Why let a ______ (you can insert whatever negative adjective you want here) person ruin your day?" Absolutely make sure you have your support system nearby so that you can vent to your hearts content and immediately replace those last few minutes with something much more worthwhile.
When all is said and done, I believe that dancing is meant to be a joyful expression and one that should not take place in an environment that causes someone else to feel bad. These simple rules just help to reinforce that.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Fall Reflection: One Door Closes, Another One Opens
I love the fall! It's just as vibrant as the summer. The warmth of the yellows, oranges and reds of the changing foliage light up the landscape. The cool, crisp cold air now accompanies the sunny days. The colors of the sunset somehow seem a bit more vibrant despite dropping temperatures and shorter days. Despite the fact that I have to put away my sandals, tank tops and shorts; its a good time. The fall is a time for reflection, another change, a new year is coming while the old one winds down.
Sometimes that reflection makes me melancholy because I remember some things that I love that are no longer meant to be.
But, as the saying goes: when one door closes, another one opens. The universe (or higher being or whatever it is you believe in) never ceases to amaze me by providing new experiences for me to revel in, so I don't get stuck wanting something that is no longer within my reach.
Last night was one such experience.
In my salsa journeys, while exploring music, different styles and different instructors I became aware of sub-cultures [I'll write more about that another time]. I've met so many great people but discovered that these people didn't all get along! Salseros consist of casineros, the la style dancers, the on1's, on2's...I'm sure I'm still missing a few.
I started dancing rueda - which is basically casino style but in a circle, where there's a caller that calls out steps which the circle performs. I love it because its partner dancing with a group and you get to dance with everyone in the circle. There's something satisfying about the coordinated movement as well as the lip-smacking goodness of traveling and going in and out of this circle in unison.
This led me into one of the sub-cultures: the casineros who dance the cuban style salsa. They have such zest for the music and dance - you can hear them singing and exclaiming their enjoyment as they dance. Its infectious :)
I love dancing both casino and LA style and often lament on the fact that I can't have both in one place and that the people I like who dance one and the other don't really mix. Not only that, there seemed to be a dominance of the LA style in the "mainstream" and a lack of awareness for the cuban style. I would really like to see one venue with a little bit of something for both and an equal way for one side to learn more about the other.
Last night was a baby step in getting to that.
Last night at the Century I was able to dance with some of my favorite casino leads, salsa leads (on1 and on2) and it ROCKED! AND - there was a performance of Casino and an impromptu performance of Rueda (that I was able to join in on)
Until I figure out a better way to embed the video from facebook - here it is!
A wonderful congruence of dancing styles (casino, LA, on1, on2, cha-cha, merengue, bachata) and an experience I hope to repeat - where I can dance every style and type that I enjoy, with my favorite leads and some new ones - all on the same night :)
Sometimes that reflection makes me melancholy because I remember some things that I love that are no longer meant to be.
But, as the saying goes: when one door closes, another one opens. The universe (or higher being or whatever it is you believe in) never ceases to amaze me by providing new experiences for me to revel in, so I don't get stuck wanting something that is no longer within my reach.
Last night was one such experience.
In my salsa journeys, while exploring music, different styles and different instructors I became aware of sub-cultures [I'll write more about that another time]. I've met so many great people but discovered that these people didn't all get along! Salseros consist of casineros, the la style dancers, the on1's, on2's...I'm sure I'm still missing a few.
I started dancing rueda - which is basically casino style but in a circle, where there's a caller that calls out steps which the circle performs. I love it because its partner dancing with a group and you get to dance with everyone in the circle. There's something satisfying about the coordinated movement as well as the lip-smacking goodness of traveling and going in and out of this circle in unison.
This led me into one of the sub-cultures: the casineros who dance the cuban style salsa. They have such zest for the music and dance - you can hear them singing and exclaiming their enjoyment as they dance. Its infectious :)
I love dancing both casino and LA style and often lament on the fact that I can't have both in one place and that the people I like who dance one and the other don't really mix. Not only that, there seemed to be a dominance of the LA style in the "mainstream" and a lack of awareness for the cuban style. I would really like to see one venue with a little bit of something for both and an equal way for one side to learn more about the other.
Last night was a baby step in getting to that.
Last night at the Century I was able to dance with some of my favorite casino leads, salsa leads (on1 and on2) and it ROCKED! AND - there was a performance of Casino and an impromptu performance of Rueda (that I was able to join in on)
Until I figure out a better way to embed the video from facebook - here it is!
A wonderful congruence of dancing styles (casino, LA, on1, on2, cha-cha, merengue, bachata) and an experience I hope to repeat - where I can dance every style and type that I enjoy, with my favorite leads and some new ones - all on the same night :)
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