Monday, October 29, 2012

Random Thoughts on a Monday

So, here I am typing away on the Surface RT that my sister played a part in producing and contemplating my failing eyesight.

I have cataracts in both eyes and they have deteriorated exponentially over the past few months. The condition itself is easily corrected by a surgical procedure that replaces the clouding lenses with some super cool new stuff J My complication is that I also have a condition called uveitis which is essentially an infection In my eye. Basically, my white blood cells are acting as if I had an infection in my body that needs to be taken care of. Until that dies down, it’s too risky to have the surgery.

  My vision is now cloudy at best. When there is enough light, I can function well enough, even though it feels like I have film over my eyes all the time. In the dark it’s a different matter – the world around me becomes a blur. When the summer light was still in full force it really wasn’t so bad but now that the days are getting shorter and the quality of light is changing to fall/winter, I am even more acutely aware of my failing vision.

Rather than belabor what I’m losing, I’m doing my best to focus on what I can do. It’s difficult since your sight is unavoidable – the minute you wake up and open your eyes – there it is. I am thankful that I still have sight and that the condition is correctable. I only want to imagine more dire circumstances and focus on looking forward to getting new lenses in my eyes.

I can still dance, I can still read, I can still type on a computer and share my thoughts.

My friends and family have been great – some are worried for me, some are helping me by driving me places and checking in on me when I need to get somewhere. I even had my niece helping me walk down a dark street at night – she held my hand and just said “I’ll get you to the car.” There’s a lot to be grateful for so I’m spending all my energies on that and redirecting my worried, irritated and frustrated thoughts where I can. I’m almost there – the infection seems to have subsided now and it’s a matter of decreasing the dosage of steroid drops that are keeping it at bay. I see the doctor again in a week and am hoping for the best possible outcome – the scheduling of my cataract surgery.

My days are generally lazy – I’m working on that too. I’d like to be more fit conscious – so I’m taking small steps and trying not to fall back to my bed too much. As it turns out I can do a lot from bed: work on the computer, read, watch tv and knit or crochet, work on some beading, edit pictures… when the days are getting nippier, that “snuggle under the covers” instinct takes over.

I also feel like I’m waiting for something to “bust me out”. I know that this thing is really me but still – I’m in a strange holding pattern. I think my eyesight has something to do with it but it’s more than that – I’m just happy to be doing nothing much for now.

I haven’t been entirely idle though. I’ve been teaching a new dance and doing what I can to bring experienced and great instructors here to Seattle to help everyone grow and learn. That’s been very rewarding in so many ways and I hope to expand it to sustain a living… but I’ll write more about that another time.

I’ve also had more time to spend with my niece and nephew: such bundles of joy, curiosity and love. I’m quite happy to hang out with them as they develop their views on the world around them, find joy in the silliest things and laugh out loud with abandon. Seeing the world through their eyes is always so refreshing and uplifting. How else can a game of sling shot underwear get invented? I know families don’t always get along this well and I am so glad that mine and my sister’s have turned out this way.

I’m never bored. I really don’t know how one can ever be with so much out there to experience. It’s true, I don’t feel very productive sometimes, but I’m morphing into something so when that morphing is done, then I guess I can look back and say whether I really needed all this time now for it.

All in all, life is good. I’m not travelling round the world or rolling in the money but I’m certainly just enjoying where I am now ad wondering how I can keep this up!