Doing What You Love Isn't Always Warm and Fuzzy

The common romantic belief about following one's bliss is that the life you lead will be full and filled with goodness. I embarked on my journey three years ago and its been quite a ride.To start, I planned on a few months of just doing nothing in particular. (By the way, doing nothing in particular is a LOT of fun and I highly recommend it.) Certain unforeseen events got me side-tracked for two years after that. I then had some re-adjusting to do and now finally, I'm back on the follow-my-bliss path: more or less.

You know what they say about the best laid plans going astray? Well, it turns out, even plans that are barely laid out do the same.

I've been leaning and growing and reviewing my accomplishments to date. I realized that none of what I achieved was what I had originally planned on. When I found Kizomba, I was already deep into dance and I wanted to use dance as a way to get people more connected with themselves and each other. Kizomba fits in really nicely with that. I also wanted to pursue teaching and coaching as part of my bliss. I had these ideas of building a Creative Lab Space for adults: much like what children have after school - filled with arts and so many other activities that are fun, engaging and something that one might not typically do as an adult because things like careers, school, family and life in general just gets in the way.

A midst the unforeseen circumstances, one such by-product is that I've been instrumental in building a small and still thriving dance scene simply because I wanted more people to dance with. I already invest a lot of time in dancing so I set out to find out more about the dance myself so I could teach others. Instead of travelling the world to learn, I brought some really wonderful instructors here to Seattle instead. So while I haven't really gotten that close to what  I thought I was going to do, I'm still happy with where things are. My experiences have been very rich: both good and bad.

These past few months however, I suffered from a crisis of faith in the pursuit of my bliss. My thoughts aren't all that cohesive yet but at least I'm motivated to write about it. I thought it would be good to share some of my insights into this thing people call "following your bliss".

 1) A Brave New World
Since I started to call myself "fun-employed" I've discovered that there are parts of me that are still learning about what I truly want from life. Its been interesting to separate the things that I thought I wanted from the things I truly want. There's not always a one to one ratio for that either. When I discover that something I thought I wanted or needed was really not mine - mostly like something I learned from my parents or the culture I grew up in - its not like there is a corresponding "OK, this is what I do want" that pops up immediately. Most of the time, I have to figure that out. So all that figuring out can be tiring and taxing and disappointing.

Doing something fun is not necessarily the same thing as doing something you are passionate about. I find a LOT of things fun and sifting through those fun things to figure out what really drives me isn't  easy.

 About 20 years ago, I worked with a career coach to find that thing that I could be passionate about and focus on since I found myself unhappy with the job that I was in. He concluded that I have a rare challenge. He said that because I am good at many things, I don't have one thing that drives me. As a consequence, traditional jobs will not satisfy me and to be truly happy, I will eventually have to craft my own job. Its an exciting prospect, but there isn't really anyone to follow or a template that I can use to give me guidance on where to start or even a measurement of whether I've achieved success or not. That's the price of making something up. The good thing is also the bad thing: there's no one to say what's right or wrong except for myself.

 2) Doing What You Love Might Become Overbearing
I am engaged in teaching and learning dance because dance has helped me in so many ways and I believe it can help others just as much. I get feedback that I am helping others all the time. But, recently, I've also realized that, in the sea of people that I know, I sometimes feel all alone.

I made it a practice to be actively grateful and this has been invaluable for me (I highly recommend it). There are times though, when the challenges I face and the people around me are simply too much to deal with. At their worst, I want to just hide in a shell or wish everything bad to go away or dream that someone will just make all those worries go away.

I do know that that someone is me (with some support from friends and family).

This is not the same thing as getting sick and tired of something and that doing what I do for fun as a job has made it less fun. I still love what I do. Its just when its consumes me both good and bad, its quite a lot to deal with. Which brings me to my next point: Support System and Balance

3) Support System and Balance
Somehow, my mind concluded that if I were pursuing my bliss, there would be no need to pay attention to balance because I would be blissful right? Well, not entirely.

The execution and day to day workings of all of the above take its toll and I do have to think about balance and support. I am blessed to have family and friends that I can count on. They love me and accept me for exactly what I am and they don't pull punches. They know when to just be there and they know how to push me forward if I need it.

 I'm also blessed to have encountered people that have given me inspiration, new ideas and encouragement in the most unexpected ways. I think of it as validation from the universe that I'm doing well.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that even though I'm doing what most people might only dream of trying, it still takes energy and it still requires a support system and balance. Definitely. Don't go at it alone and always find ways to recharge and stay excited about what you do.

4) And the Money Just Follows
No, not really.

 There's work to be done unless you're a trust fund baby, unexpectedly win the lottery, find a sugar-person that just wants to fund you as you live your life... you get my drift. I'm still working on defining my product and what I have to offer. Then, there's finding the audience that will compensate me for it and building the message to attract them and keep them with me.

While these things are common sense, they take time: trial and error, a little bit of luck and good timing.

5) Get To Know You
In the end, it boils down to me. Whether I'm doing that traditional career path that I learned from my upbringing or following my bliss, the buck stops here, with me.

When setting on the path to finding your bliss, it helps to have some awareness of you who are. Its not just about knowing what's fun and what makes you happy. Its also knowing what you value, what you stand for, what you can live with, what makes you feel joy and what you just don't want in your  life.

I had a pretty good idea of all these things when I started but the experiences I've had over the last three years have definitely tested the conviction behind my beliefs and actions. There are things that I have done to the best of my abilities that did not have a pretty ending. Imagine a scenario that tests your values and you don't even know what they are. Its takes time to figure out what you value and then time to put it through the wringer. Doing both at the same time can be exhausting.

So before you embark on your path to bliss, just make sure you do some homework about yourself.

Its Not About Perfection, Its About How You Handle Your Mistakes

As I continue to dance and grow as a dancer, I am struck by how differently people seem to approach their dancing. So many people strive for perfection and yet perfection can be so different, depending on what it is you love about the dance and what your goals are.

I realized that for myself, while achieving perfection is a challenge I can strive for, what's important to me is how well I can handle the unexpected twists and turns on the dance floor.

It would be lovely to live in a world that does not measure how well you do something: where you're not being judged against some standard or high bar. Instead, wouldn't it be more pleasant to focus on how much you've learned and the joy that you share and experience along the way. I believe the mastery of a skill should be celebrated as much as the journey along the way.

I don't deny it. It's great to get 100%. One of my clearest memories during my freshman year at MIT was the fact that I was the 1st one of my freshman friends to get 100% in a calculus quiz. I remember that my fellow freshmen friends looked at me with such respect: I impressed the hell out of them all - me, this chinese girl from the Philippines.

When I'm social dancing, the perfect moment is this indescribable high I get when I have struck an effortless connection with my partner and the music. I'm smiling all the time as my lead plays with our movement so that the expression of it fits hand in glove with the music that's playing. The dancing is effortless, like walking on clouds. And, when the music ends, I'm breathless: not just from the physical dance but from all the fun that I'm having.

I don't always know what's coming in a dance. I still have lots to learn so there are times when I know I missed a cue from my lead or when the his face give away that there was an "oops!" moment. Its a mistake right? Here's the best part - a perfect dance can have those moments but because the connection is so strong, its not really a mistake, it becomes part of the dance. Then, the cherry on the sundae happens when my lead decides to try that missed move again anyway and voila! Magnifique!

I don't always do it well - but I do know that when I can handle my mistakes with humility, grace and humor its wonderful! In fact, I think that perfection might well be re-defined by not just what you achieve but how well you handle your mistakes along the way.

Fall Reflections

No matter how many times I've experienced it, I never tire of the fall: the green leaves turn into golden hues of yellow, orange or red, the air is crisp and the ground cover is now dominated by golden brown leaves that have fallen from the trees as they grow dormant.

I am visiting New England after being away for 2 years. Its been a lovely, restful visit so far; punctuated by delicious, indulgent meals that I hope are balanced out by my walking around. (I have some serious dancing to do to make-up for all the food that I'm eating!!!!)

Its been so much fun walking through my old haunts and seeing what's familiar and new: changes that mark the passage of time and talking to friends that I haven't seen for a while and enjoying our memories and new adventures.

This is a perfect break from my normal routine. I'm celebrating everything that I have and all that I am looking forward to:

Dancing, volleyball, glass blowing, new friendships, old friendships, family, travels.... who knows what else?