Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Whoa... What's This?

I'm often surprised by my reaction when the things I wish for or imagine come true. Especially when they go my way or better. Instead of the "hip hip hooray!" there's a small voice in my head that says "Really? Is this really that good or am I missing the catch?"

This is a very different reaction from when I dance or when I used to compete in volleyball or when I make something on my own to give away or sell. When I win a tournament its easy to celebrate - there's no doubt about the victory. When I have a great dance the feedback is almost instantaneous so I ride that wave of  euphoria (a.k.a. dance high) without resistance.

There are those times, mostly when I'm wishing for something that's based on someone else's decision and not just mine, when I get what I wished for and instead of celebrating outright, I hear that voice of skepticism questioning and putting a bit of a damper on my celebrating.

That got me thinking: when did I start to doubt if something was too good to be true? I mean I wanted it and it happened so isn't that cause for celebration? I wonder if this reaction stems from self-preservation or is it some latent "worst case scenario" persona deep inside. Am I'm afraid of what might happen if I actually get what I want?

Being happily fun-employed allows me lots of luxuries that I probably take for granted that many people would envy. Little things like I get to sleep in whenever I want to and not have to worry about making some conference call that I don't really need to be there for at a crazy time of the day. I truly believe I'm living a life that most people would envy. I myself find it hard to believe. I know that I'm still figuring out what else to do to complete the picture but that's all part of the journey.

This past year has been punctuated by some serious personal events like the deterioration and restoration of my eye sight. I was ready to dive into exploring a new way of living and then all this stuff happened that is now (thankfully) resolved. Now that I have the energy to start exploring again, I'm realizing that I'm actually quite inexperienced with getting what I want.

I realized about 10 years ago that I was striving for goals and successes based on a model that my parents taught me while I was growing up. Its not a bad model, its just not the one I came up with. So, for a significant part of my impressionable years, I was basically going along, doing what my parents wanted and not really paying attention to what I wanted. Now that I'm focusing on building my own model, I realize that I'm just not as experienced in the successes within that model. I mean I can't just say "Well, mom and dad said this is right so its right."

I also have remnants of that "worst-case-scenario" voice from my upbringing. My parents meant for it to be a voice of reason to help guide me to make the right decisions. It has served me well so far but now I think I need to relax its application just a little bit. I should just celebrate those moments when what I wish for actually happens.

I'm getting there, old habits are hard to break. I'm afraid something will actually go terribly awry just to balance out what has been going very, very well. Luckily, my optimistic nature wins over in the end. Its lovely to just bask in the joy/excitement/satisfaction (whatever the positive feelings are) of a wonderful moment without doubts.


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Laughing Out Loud

I go on and on about dancing but today's post is dedicated to my niece and nephew: two bundles of joy who have made my life more vibrant and colorful by just being who they are.

Everyone who's been an aunt (or uncle) can relate to the joys of spending time with your nieces and nephews so what I'm about to share is no surprise. I have often told my sister how thankful I am that she and her husband brought these two wonderful kids into my life. I have enjoyed and continue to experience unbridled fun and laughter through the eyes of my niece and nephew.

I'm not sure about the science of it all but I'm pretty sure that everyone should have the chance to reconnect with how kids play and have fun. I can't even remember exactly what these kids have said or done but I do remember just laughing out loud so much that my sides hurt. When did we loose that as adults?

A trip to shop for some beauty accessories turned in to an adventure in makeovers for my niece and nephew - who knew it would be so much fun? Going to a store like Sephora for most of us women is like being in a candy store: so many things to try, free advice and of course, easy access to small things to play with. Well, apparently for my niece and nephew, the same is true. They didn't really know what things were for, but they like to draw and so seeing the brushes and pads next to open palettes of eye shadow and lip stick was like being in an art class. Both of them were curious about what everything was for. To demonstrate, I explained about the makeover and what eye shadow and lipstick are for and  gave my niece a taste for adult face painting. My nephew wanted in on the fun but I told him I'd just put a dot on his forehead.

After cleaning their faces, I started to shop for my own stuff. All I did was turn away for a few seconds. I hear them laughing and when I looked back at them I can see that they have smeared lipstick all over their face and mouth. In each hand they had tissues and were trying to wipe stuff off. They were laughing at each other and just making a mess of the makeup on their faces. I really wish I remembered to take a picture but I laughed so hard while trying to take the makeup off their faces. They also had small plush toys (microbes - plush microbes) with them so after cleaning them up, and letting them each take a few of the applicators, they then started to give their plush toys makeovers:  "Ok Coldie (aka the cold virus), we're going to put some eye shadow on you now."

I still have a big smile on my face when I think about it. I know you probably had to be there to really understand how much fun it was. These moments that make you laugh out loud are the moments to really remember and celebrate.

Microbe makeovers - I love it!