Following

One of the questions I am often asked is "What makes a good follow?" in social partner dancing. Then, there's also the follow-up: "How do you teach someone to be a good follow?".

There are two core things that I believe to be true for ANY role in the partner dance. I believe that social partner dancing is a way to express what one hears in the music with someone else. For me, the beauty and joy of partner dancing is at its best when the partnership is something that both dancers can enjoy.

1) Understand the rules of the dance and the music. The music drives the dance and different dances have conventions that need to be understood. There's no escaping that you have to understand the music and the dance together. By conventions I refer to things that are foundations like the step pattern if there is one, how to step and move and engage with your partner.

2) Understand my body and how it moves. As a dancer my body is what I use to express, respond and connect in the dance. In order to use it well, I have to know what I can do to move with balance, grace and in the partnership with someone else. To develop this understanding, it means I have to explore different kinds of movement to different kinds of music.

As anyone hooked on dancing will attest to, one can spend a lifetime learning and perfecting these core tenants. This is another reason I love dancing, the process of learning and growing never really ends.

One final ingredient is your mindset.

Here's mine:

I aspire to make every dance I dance as enjoyable as possible with the person I dance with. 

This doesn't mean that I sacrifice myself at the expense of my partner. It does mean that I have an equal say in the dance to make it as fun as possible.

Given that I am already working on the core things above, here are some three main skills that I constantly work on to perfect my following:

LISTEN  - I listen to the music so I can understand what my lead hears in the song. I listen to how my lead moves and "hear" his expression of the  music through his dancing. I develop radars everywhere using my eyes, my limbs etc.

For example, in Kizomba: I pay attention to how my lead steps and moves. What are the signals I can use to know that the step is slow, at tempo, faster. What is the indication for me to turn?  Every step is a new step so I focus on how to understand the different ways my partner is stepping.

In other dances, I look at my partner's body and arm position. There are many other subtle clues to what's coming next and the more I dance and the more I dance with different people, the better I get at reading the signs early so I can be ready to respond and eventually respond with time to play (see Express below). 

MATCH - I do my best to match and flow of his movement while still maintaining my own balance: equal to what my lead is suggesting/asking. When there is too much resistance or not enough connection - I know that something is off so I try to adjust: its not a fight - its a flow. 

Matching sometimes means that I hold off on styling to make sure that I continue the flow that my lead has initiated. Matching also means that sometimes, I mimic what my lead is doing, or pick up partway and make a variation of my own. I counter or change time or move in contrast to something he just did.

Matching also means using the same force and energy that I am led with to complete my movements. It become a cycle while the music plays: energy and movement is absorbed, transformed and then sent back between the partners in the social dance.

EXPRESS - I keep my presence known so that my lead knows that I'm dancing with them to the music. Sometimes that means I yield to the lead's musicality and expression because we're in sync anyway, sometimes it means I suggest something without interrupting their flow. Oftentimes its a combination.

Expression is where I get to be who I am in the partnership and it is where I can share what I hear in the music with my partner. It is where I can do one or more of these things to make the dance I have as much fun as can be, to inspire, complement, enhance or expand the experience for myself and my dance partner.

CHALLENGES
Its only three points but there's a lot within each one and if you keep thinking about all of them at once, well, your brain might explode and your body just freeze with too much to do. There are also so many teachers and helpful souls out there that want to give you advice. Just remember that you know yourself best and give yourself space to learn, absorb, apply and integrate.

Challenges can drive you but they can also discourage you and depending on where you're at in your learning cycle and confidence, it can easily cause you to want to stop dancing. Don't let it. What I recommend is:
1) Have an open mind and be patient. You know the deal, Rome wasn't built in a day right?
2) Be true to yourself and what it is you love about the dance. Its easy to get swayed by other people. This is after all an activity that is very extroverted and feedback from others is always around whether you want it or not. Not all dances will be fun and some of the people you will meet are definitely not your type. When in doubt, look to yourself for validation and find your support system and the people that care about you for help. Don't let some jerk or negative experience define what you do or trap you into something that makes you miserable.
4) Take a break and come back to it when you need. Sometimes, you just need to reset so reset! Dance will always be there and being welcomed back after a long absence can be a very much needed boost to a tired or weary demeanor.

IN THE END ...
My experience with learning is that each of these things are like layers: when one layer becomes so much a part of you that you don't have to think about it anymore, then another layer comes into focus OR you have time to perfect the next layer. Also, as you learn and your sensors and movements become second nature, you're instincts will take over and then BAM! more magic happens.

What I love about following is the I have last word in the interaction and I can influence the next move. I love that as a follow I an open up possibilities for my lead in the dance, whatever level they might be. What I love about partner dancing is when my lead and I are on the same wavelength with what we hear in the music and that we can be ourselves while appreciating and inspiring each other in the dance. 

Compare and Contrast the Beauty in Dance

Its rare that I get a chance to share the two interpretations of couples dancing to the same song in their respective styles. The song is Soha Mil Pasos (in case you wanted to know the lyrics and what them men, check it out here).


The first is by a couple who dance and teach kizomba: Felicien and Isa.

The second is a couple dancing tango to the same song. I wish I knew the names of the couple so I could give them credit. The most I can do is share their beautiful interpretation of the song through dance.

By watching the two videos,  which I feel match the music well, you can see the difference in the movements that are made by the dancers within their respective styles. Kizomba and Tango are often compared to each other and while I made an attempt to compare and contrast the two dances in words, a visual is always better.

I love both Tango and Kizomba. I am more focused on Kizomba for many reason (building community, the music speaks to me more than some Tango music does) but Tango will always have a place in my heart because I love the way the lead and follow interact with each other through their steps, legs and feet. From the waist up the dance is calm and smooth but there is so much going on as they move together. The same can be said for Kizomba.

At any rate, these might help you see why I love these dances and dancing and how there is so much variety in how we dance to music.

Enjoy!

2014 Retrospective - Happy New Year 2015!!

T-20 minutes away till the new year ... that's when I started writing but after being distracted by the barrage of fireworks, I fell asleep before posting this so HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Growing up in Manila, fireworks have always been an integral part of the new year celebration. I remember from when I was very young, in the house that belonged to my grandfather, we would launch our own fireworks in the garden. First there was a gathering of family for dinner followed by fireworks out in the yard. I loved playing with sparklers and watching the explosion of lights in the sky. We had noisemakers to play with and nobody would tell us to stop. Fireworks and making noise are all part of warding of all the ghost and evil spirits to welcome the new year.

When I was about 13 years old, we moved away to our own home and New Year's Eve became a tamer celebration. It was still focused on family dinner but instead of having our own, we would get home before the craziness of fireworks and smoky streets began from everyone else that celebrated with fireworks.

For the first time in I don't know how long, after our family dinner, my brother, sister and I along with cousins of the same generation and a few of the next sat together around our dining room table to share stories of our childhood and what we've been up this past year over wine. 

2014 started tenuously for me. The family had major health issues to deal with and I was re-evaluating some personal relationships. I was dealing with a lot of uncertainty with hope for the best and hurt that needed time to heal. I started the year on slightly unsteady footing with the faith that these things would work themselves out. 

After celebrating the New Year in the Philippines, I headed back to Seattle the next day for one day: enough to pack and get ready for a trip to Reno for a dance festival. I was coming back from three months of being away from dance so I was looking forward to being with my dance family and dancing all weekend long. I ddin't expect to be part of 32 couples from all over the US performing together to represent the Island Touch Dance Academy: that was just epic! It was the start of things to mark my year: dance festivals and travel to cities for dance and recreation.

In February I taught at  festival in LA where I met people from Texas and San Francisco. I don't usually seek out the limelight but I am certainly appreciative of recognition and acknowledgement when they are directed at me so it was really nice to meet people for the first time and hear that they've been looking forward to meeting me. I also discovered that LA has a great salsa scene with some very fun dancers who play with music and connection everytime they dance. 

Mexico City: I never realized how big it was. I had been to Mexico before but to smaller, more tourist oriented locations. I was invited to teach kizomba there for a weekend in March and some other folks from Seattle and LA came along as well. It was our first Mexico City - Seattle Kizomba Exchange. There were many highlights to the trip but these are ones that stand out for me: dancing on pyramids, dancing on a grass lawn in this fairy tale house, dancing outdoors in Belles Artes and meeting people who are kindred spirits in their approach to dance and kizomba.

Shortly after that, in April, I got to travel to Japan: a country that I've admired from afar. I was always fascinated by so many things about Japan: their aesthetic of beauty and simplicity, the samurai code, the world of the geisha, the way they assimilate from others to make things Japanese, origami, ikebana, manga, anime and the cute things best described as kawaii. For such a huge, sprawling city full of people, I never once felt fearful of anything. I finally got to spend some time in an onsen and experienced the peace and tranquility that I only previously read about and imagined. There's so much more to see, I'm definitely going back.

Then we had another family trip to Kauai where we spent a few days in Hana. Its beautiful out there but when the sun goes down and it gets dark, there's nothing to do for us city folk. We stayed at an place right by the water so the sounds of waves breaking against the beach and rain on the roof were my lullabies. There were also so many bugs at night: attracted to the light of my computer when everyone else was asleep. I'm glad bugs don't wig me out so much, I wouldn't have been able to sleep otherwise. I lost all sense of time for a few days.

It was around this time when the uncertainty in January faded and things were definitely taking a turn for the better. I was readjusting to many things: hurts were finally fading and some new relationships were forming to renew my faith in finding people who are a joy to be with and who accept and appreciate me.

For my birthday in May I went to London to spend time with a friend and teacher, to meet and dance with folks that I've only corresponded with over facebook. I hadn't been to London in years so it was great to be back not just to sight see but also to make new friends and grow in my dance.

The summer in Seattle was great but I was stressed because I had to move. I loved living in Belltown and I hate moving but I was presented with an opportunity that was too good to pass up so I purged my belongings (not all of it but a LOT of it) and moved to Wallingford to start the last quarter of 2014.

In October I combined a dance vacation with a mini-high school reunion in DC. I rarely feel as old as I am. When I get together with my high school friends, it doesn't make me feel my age because we pick up from where we last saw each other and enjoy being with each other again (usually over food). Its only when we start to talk about their kids and how some of them are already in college or getting ready to go that I realize how old I really am.

In the fall my sister also helped me to make a connection that allowed me to teach some of my crafts to kids after school. I found a community of parents and children that love arts and crafts and its so much fun to be able to "work" at what I consider play. Its been so much fun and it also reaffirmed one of my ideas to spark creativity in others through a creative lab. 

Over Thanksgiving, instead of time with family, I spent time with my dance families. I attended the Seattle Salsa Congress where I got to perform with my Bachata team, perform with my  mambo team and complete the dance challenge with a group of artist that I've always admired and aspired to be. On top of that, I got to teach Kizomba and see how much its grown over the years here in Seattle. It was totally unplanned and such a kick when the artists that we paid our homage to also got on stage with us to perform. For myself it took the pressure out of the performance so I could just have fun with it and I know how much it meant to some other folks on my team - what a rush! It was a stressful and tiring weekend since I pushed myself with performance and dance. I still got a lot of really great dancing (Kizomba, Bachata and Salsa) while making closer connections with new and existing friends

As 2014 winds to a close, I visited Korea for a few days before returning to celebrate the holidays in the Philippines. I forgot how cold winters can be: thank goodness for advances in clothing technology to keep me warm without the bulk. I discovered some of the history of Korea when we visited the Imperial Palace and that for some reason, it is the land of socks. Markets had stalls that just sold socks: a LOT of them and all different styles and designs. Who knew? I didn't get a chance to try the jijimbang and some other things so that will be on the list for next time. 

That brings us to the present time in Manila where I've spent the last week eating, sleeping, shopping, reading comics, watching TV and catching up with cousins and friends. 

We Chinese believe that whatever you do the 1st of the year is what you will spend the rest of that year doing and so far things are going well. I'm publishing my first blog article of the year, planning some dancing engagements for when I return, enjoying all the facebook greetings and having fun with my nieces and nephews. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my cousins cooking up something new for the year.

Happy New Year and welcome to 2015!!

Doing What You Love Isn't Always Warm and Fuzzy

The common romantic belief about following one's bliss is that the life you lead will be full and filled with goodness. I embarked on my journey three years ago and its been quite a ride.To start, I planned on a few months of just doing nothing in particular. (By the way, doing nothing in particular is a LOT of fun and I highly recommend it.) Certain unforeseen events got me side-tracked for two years after that. I then had some re-adjusting to do and now finally, I'm back on the follow-my-bliss path: more or less.

You know what they say about the best laid plans going astray? Well, it turns out, even plans that are barely laid out do the same.

I've been leaning and growing and reviewing my accomplishments to date. I realized that none of what I achieved was what I had originally planned on. When I found Kizomba, I was already deep into dance and I wanted to use dance as a way to get people more connected with themselves and each other. Kizomba fits in really nicely with that. I also wanted to pursue teaching and coaching as part of my bliss. I had these ideas of building a Creative Lab Space for adults: much like what children have after school - filled with arts and so many other activities that are fun, engaging and something that one might not typically do as an adult because things like careers, school, family and life in general just gets in the way.

A midst the unforeseen circumstances, one such by-product is that I've been instrumental in building a small and still thriving dance scene simply because I wanted more people to dance with. I already invest a lot of time in dancing so I set out to find out more about the dance myself so I could teach others. Instead of travelling the world to learn, I brought some really wonderful instructors here to Seattle instead. So while I haven't really gotten that close to what  I thought I was going to do, I'm still happy with where things are. My experiences have been very rich: both good and bad.

These past few months however, I suffered from a crisis of faith in the pursuit of my bliss. My thoughts aren't all that cohesive yet but at least I'm motivated to write about it. I thought it would be good to share some of my insights into this thing people call "following your bliss".

 1) A Brave New World
Since I started to call myself "fun-employed" I've discovered that there are parts of me that are still learning about what I truly want from life. Its been interesting to separate the things that I thought I wanted from the things I truly want. There's not always a one to one ratio for that either. When I discover that something I thought I wanted or needed was really not mine - mostly like something I learned from my parents or the culture I grew up in - its not like there is a corresponding "OK, this is what I do want" that pops up immediately. Most of the time, I have to figure that out. So all that figuring out can be tiring and taxing and disappointing.

Doing something fun is not necessarily the same thing as doing something you are passionate about. I find a LOT of things fun and sifting through those fun things to figure out what really drives me isn't  easy.

 About 20 years ago, I worked with a career coach to find that thing that I could be passionate about and focus on since I found myself unhappy with the job that I was in. He concluded that I have a rare challenge. He said that because I am good at many things, I don't have one thing that drives me. As a consequence, traditional jobs will not satisfy me and to be truly happy, I will eventually have to craft my own job. Its an exciting prospect, but there isn't really anyone to follow or a template that I can use to give me guidance on where to start or even a measurement of whether I've achieved success or not. That's the price of making something up. The good thing is also the bad thing: there's no one to say what's right or wrong except for myself.

 2) Doing What You Love Might Become Overbearing
I am engaged in teaching and learning dance because dance has helped me in so many ways and I believe it can help others just as much. I get feedback that I am helping others all the time. But, recently, I've also realized that, in the sea of people that I know, I sometimes feel all alone.

I made it a practice to be actively grateful and this has been invaluable for me (I highly recommend it). There are times though, when the challenges I face and the people around me are simply too much to deal with. At their worst, I want to just hide in a shell or wish everything bad to go away or dream that someone will just make all those worries go away.

I do know that that someone is me (with some support from friends and family).

This is not the same thing as getting sick and tired of something and that doing what I do for fun as a job has made it less fun. I still love what I do. Its just when its consumes me both good and bad, its quite a lot to deal with. Which brings me to my next point: Support System and Balance

3) Support System and Balance
Somehow, my mind concluded that if I were pursuing my bliss, there would be no need to pay attention to balance because I would be blissful right? Well, not entirely.

The execution and day to day workings of all of the above take its toll and I do have to think about balance and support. I am blessed to have family and friends that I can count on. They love me and accept me for exactly what I am and they don't pull punches. They know when to just be there and they know how to push me forward if I need it.

 I'm also blessed to have encountered people that have given me inspiration, new ideas and encouragement in the most unexpected ways. I think of it as validation from the universe that I'm doing well.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that even though I'm doing what most people might only dream of trying, it still takes energy and it still requires a support system and balance. Definitely. Don't go at it alone and always find ways to recharge and stay excited about what you do.

4) And the Money Just Follows
No, not really.

 There's work to be done unless you're a trust fund baby, unexpectedly win the lottery, find a sugar-person that just wants to fund you as you live your life... you get my drift. I'm still working on defining my product and what I have to offer. Then, there's finding the audience that will compensate me for it and building the message to attract them and keep them with me.

While these things are common sense, they take time: trial and error, a little bit of luck and good timing.

5) Get To Know You
In the end, it boils down to me. Whether I'm doing that traditional career path that I learned from my upbringing or following my bliss, the buck stops here, with me.

When setting on the path to finding your bliss, it helps to have some awareness of you who are. Its not just about knowing what's fun and what makes you happy. Its also knowing what you value, what you stand for, what you can live with, what makes you feel joy and what you just don't want in your  life.

I had a pretty good idea of all these things when I started but the experiences I've had over the last three years have definitely tested the conviction behind my beliefs and actions. There are things that I have done to the best of my abilities that did not have a pretty ending. Imagine a scenario that tests your values and you don't even know what they are. Its takes time to figure out what you value and then time to put it through the wringer. Doing both at the same time can be exhausting.

So before you embark on your path to bliss, just make sure you do some homework about yourself.

Looking Forward to Meeting You

I'm miss you and I'm not sure if I've met you yet. I know you're out there because I feel you around me all the time.

Sometimes I wake up and it feels like you were just there with me.

I get the sense that you're near when I am with my friends. The people with whom I can just be myself. The ones that still care for me whether I'm happy or sad; scared or brave; angry or crazy; at my worst or at my best. 

I think about how much fun we'll have with my sister and her family: playing with my niece and nephew, eating, making jokes about poop, drawing ninjas, watching movies, trying the zipline, doing all sorts of things with them for the first time. I can't wait for you to meet my family.

I laugh with you when I laugh with my friends: at the silly jokes, or the funny stories or even when a laugh is needed to lighten the mood. I love your sarcastic wit and how we both appreciate irony when we see it. I love that you sometimes make me go "hmmmm" without making me feel less than myself. 

I connect to you when I dance: when I move in unison with someone, to the music, free to express myself within the framework of what is led. Even though we might not hear the same things in the music, I listen to your voice and you hear mine and we work through things together so seamlessly. its as if we already know the music even though we've only heard it for the first time.

I hear your support for what I do through the stories that are shared by the people I've touched. I feel you there, cheering for me when I'm tired and letting me vent when I'm too tired to filter out the noise. I hear your voice echoed in voices of my friends and family when they encourage me to continue, acknowledge my strengths, recognize my worth, ask me for help and take what is offered and hug me all the time.

I imagine you somewhere nearby, in the quiet moments that pop up where I can enjoy the beauty of what's around me from the sun setting over the bay, to the fog that shrouds the streets or to the some remote beach somewhere I haven't been yet.

I look forward to all the new things we'll discover together or the things you'll show me and I can share with you. I look forward to geeking out with you over the things you care about, the things I get all silly crazy excited about and even better, the things we both find so cool.

I know you'll be there for me no matter what. You know you can rely on me to be there for you. We'll be each other's support while still challenging each other to do something different and refreshing. You listen when I just vent and every now and again you'll vent along with me just to show your support. When I need a slap upside the head, you'll bring me back to center.

I feel like I'm with you when I'm with the different people I already know. I see you in that charming, hunky guy that I have a crush on, the artsy guy I admire, the leads I love dancing with and the friends who are always there for me. You love and appreciate me just as I am. I know you're out there somewhere and I can't wait to be with you. I can't wait to be home. 

Sometimes...

Sometimes, people just want to make me scream!

And then something happens to restore my faith.

Don't you love how that works out?

I do!

Some Thoughts About A Growing Community

I've been lucky enough to be blessed to be a part of Seattle's growing kizomba community from the beginning. I started out as student of the dance and as I continue to learn and grow, I have also become teacher, event promoter and friend to many of the people I have met and introduced this dance to.

I remember when my only opportunity to dance kizomba was once a week (if that) and with less than ten people at the most. Back then our little group was special because we were learning and growing together and figuring out this dance that we knew people would also enjoy, waiting for the chance to share it with everyone else.

A year later I started to explore learning from other teachers and had the pleasure to meet Eddy Vents and Petchu.  Within that year, I was given the chance to start teaching a weekly series at the Century Ballroom and through a combination of luck and a lot of love, Century Ballroom decided to also host a monthly dance every first Friday of the month. I was worried about a DJ and then some people stepped up to bat. This dance started out with barely ten loyal couples and now after after two years, there is an average attendance of 65 people with over 100 at its best. I've seen the community grow and have had the privilege to meet many dancers just as enthusiastic about dancing as I am. My dream of having more people to dance with has come true.

We've come a long way: we now have an event every week and even multiple events on the same day. How cool is that?

Why then are some people complaining or worried? There have been a few people concerned that too many events, especially on the same day, will dilute and split the community.

My short answer is that it might but I don't think so. Events where people have fun will continue to do well and events that are not fun will eventually stop. I've been a part of other communities that grow and change and evolve over time and none of them have gone away, all of them still thrive today tho I am no longer as involved in some of them.

Communities continue to grow as more people join and become involved in continuing what they love about the community. As we grow smaller groups form within and sometimes, there are shifts and changes but overall, in order for a community to thrive, it has to have growth and it has to have members that are willing to give back and support the community.

I don't think kizomba is a temporary phenomenon here in Seattle. I don't know if we will ever become as big a community as say London: London is one of the top ten largest cities in the world after all. I do know that this dance brings people together in a way that I haven't seen because of the intimacy and sense of caring that you feel when you're dancing in someone's embrace.

I started to share this dance for selfish reasons: I wanted more people to dance with and I wanted to bring the instructors and experts here to Seattle to learn from them. In the course of doing so, I discovered much joy in sharing dance and decided to develop and forge a path for myself that is intricately tied to dancing and sharing that joy in dance with as many people as I can.

I believe in the power of free will and choice. We are all free to choose what we do and where we go and how we want to spend our spare time to enjoy something we love to do.

When I host events, I do so with the thought of bringing together as many people as possible to have a great time. For me, that means having everyone at the same party and here in Seattle, that's very possible because we are not so big that we wouldn't all fit in one place to dance the night away. I do my best to accommodate the community we have. The larger our community grows, the more diverse the requirements are for having a party everyone can go to so its not that simple any more.

I can only hope that others who put together events and bring people together around kizomba, take a little care and attention to find out what else is going on in order to ensure that people know what opportunities they have AND that we can all be at the same party together.

If there are multiple events on the same day, then a choice has to made and that is a good problem to have every now and again.

Spontaneity is a great thing and its possible in a small community such as we have today. I think its awesome that someone can post on the wall and say "Let's go dance somewhere." and there are enough people to respond to make it happen. On the other hand, spontaneity can lead to creating factions within us: those that are "in the know" versus not. To be invited to a spontaneous event, one has to know or be connected to or be friends with the spontaneous people.

All together these situations: multiple events on the same day and spontaneous events that occur on off the cuff; are things that happen as a result of growing communities. What matters more is what the members of the community choose to value and how they operate within the community.

I'm told that whether I like it or not, I'm seen as a leader in the community. My actions can be interpreted in ways I don't intend. Its an interesting position to say the least. I'm not you're typical "life of the party". I love what I do, I love the people I meet and I care that the events that I produce, the classes that I teach and the people I work with, and interact with get the best possible experience they can.

So if I have any clout at all to pull, then here are some things I'd like to share for everyone to consider.

Ask yourself why you love this dance and let that guide you in your actions and words. If idealogy about economics or cultural pride drives you, then perhaps dancing is not the forum for you to express that. Dance is for everyone and we all come to it and need it for many reasons: to think that can be controlled is a bit unrealistic. Making a living through dance and dancing as a hobby are equally important. When the dance is presented, one hopes that people are open to learning about its origins and history but that is not a requirement. I love this dance because it brings me a sense of intimacy that I think is missing in many or our every day interactions. I love this dance because it has taught me so much about myself and other people. I love what I do because I get to enrich other people's lives and help them discover themselves through their love of the dance. I value what I have to offer and appreciate that there are others who support me and find value in what I do.

We are still growing and there is enough for everyone to reap benefits from. If we grow the larger pie together then our slices will grow accordingly. Slicing up a small pie results in small pieces. When we grow kizomba so big that having five events on the same day doesn't matter, then we all win.

Never take one person's word about something, even if it is someone you trust. There are always multiple sides to any story and I can tell you from experience, even coming from the parties directly involved, the stories can come out like they weren't even about the same incident. Everyone deserves a second chance and I for one would appreciate them since I too make mistakes. Your experience first hand is the most important experience so taking someone's word about something takes that away from you.

Consider giving back in some way to something that has given you joy. Part of the joy in experiencing something is in giving back what you receive: just like paying it forward. Thanks to those of you that do, it makes for a better and kinder place and its one of the reasons why our Seattle Kizomba community is warm and welcoming.

Operating from fear, bolstering your own ego and self preservation is not the most pleasant way to live your life. I practice everyday to spend more energy in appreciating what I have and not falling into the "why not me?" sink hole. I don't have the perfect relationships with everyone but I do treasure the ones that I have that sustain me. I do my best to celebrate the successes of others, including my own. I believe one should acknowledge what is already here in front of you even as you make your mark. The world goes on with or without us and even though some people take actions that I would not, they still have their free will and there is nothing I can do to control it. What I can do is be true to who I am, find a good friend or two who can let me vent when I need to and treat everyone else with respect. I try my best to operate from a place of generosity and joy which is not always easy when I feel like being snarky or when I feel like I've been disregarded or undervalued. I think, if we choose what we love over what we fear, then we get what we love.