Sometimes...

Sometimes, people just want to make me scream!

And then something happens to restore my faith.

Don't you love how that works out?

I do!

Some Thoughts About A Growing Community

I've been lucky enough to be blessed to be a part of Seattle's growing kizomba community from the beginning. I started out as student of the dance and as I continue to learn and grow, I have also become teacher, event promoter and friend to many of the people I have met and introduced this dance to.

I remember when my only opportunity to dance kizomba was once a week (if that) and with less than ten people at the most. Back then our little group was special because we were learning and growing together and figuring out this dance that we knew people would also enjoy, waiting for the chance to share it with everyone else.

A year later I started to explore learning from other teachers and had the pleasure to meet Eddy Vents and Petchu.  Within that year, I was given the chance to start teaching a weekly series at the Century Ballroom and through a combination of luck and a lot of love, Century Ballroom decided to also host a monthly dance every first Friday of the month. I was worried about a DJ and then some people stepped up to bat. This dance started out with barely ten loyal couples and now after after two years, there is an average attendance of 65 people with over 100 at its best. I've seen the community grow and have had the privilege to meet many dancers just as enthusiastic about dancing as I am. My dream of having more people to dance with has come true.

We've come a long way: we now have an event every week and even multiple events on the same day. How cool is that?

Why then are some people complaining or worried? There have been a few people concerned that too many events, especially on the same day, will dilute and split the community.

My short answer is that it might but I don't think so. Events where people have fun will continue to do well and events that are not fun will eventually stop. I've been a part of other communities that grow and change and evolve over time and none of them have gone away, all of them still thrive today tho I am no longer as involved in some of them.

Communities continue to grow as more people join and become involved in continuing what they love about the community. As we grow smaller groups form within and sometimes, there are shifts and changes but overall, in order for a community to thrive, it has to have growth and it has to have members that are willing to give back and support the community.

I don't think kizomba is a temporary phenomenon here in Seattle. I don't know if we will ever become as big a community as say London: London is one of the top ten largest cities in the world after all. I do know that this dance brings people together in a way that I haven't seen because of the intimacy and sense of caring that you feel when you're dancing in someone's embrace.

I started to share this dance for selfish reasons: I wanted more people to dance with and I wanted to bring the instructors and experts here to Seattle to learn from them. In the course of doing so, I discovered much joy in sharing dance and decided to develop and forge a path for myself that is intricately tied to dancing and sharing that joy in dance with as many people as I can.

I believe in the power of free will and choice. We are all free to choose what we do and where we go and how we want to spend our spare time to enjoy something we love to do.

When I host events, I do so with the thought of bringing together as many people as possible to have a great time. For me, that means having everyone at the same party and here in Seattle, that's very possible because we are not so big that we wouldn't all fit in one place to dance the night away. I do my best to accommodate the community we have. The larger our community grows, the more diverse the requirements are for having a party everyone can go to so its not that simple any more.

I can only hope that others who put together events and bring people together around kizomba, take a little care and attention to find out what else is going on in order to ensure that people know what opportunities they have AND that we can all be at the same party together.

If there are multiple events on the same day, then a choice has to made and that is a good problem to have every now and again.

Spontaneity is a great thing and its possible in a small community such as we have today. I think its awesome that someone can post on the wall and say "Let's go dance somewhere." and there are enough people to respond to make it happen. On the other hand, spontaneity can lead to creating factions within us: those that are "in the know" versus not. To be invited to a spontaneous event, one has to know or be connected to or be friends with the spontaneous people.

All together these situations: multiple events on the same day and spontaneous events that occur on off the cuff; are things that happen as a result of growing communities. What matters more is what the members of the community choose to value and how they operate within the community.

I'm told that whether I like it or not, I'm seen as a leader in the community. My actions can be interpreted in ways I don't intend. Its an interesting position to say the least. I'm not you're typical "life of the party". I love what I do, I love the people I meet and I care that the events that I produce, the classes that I teach and the people I work with, and interact with get the best possible experience they can.

So if I have any clout at all to pull, then here are some things I'd like to share for everyone to consider.

Ask yourself why you love this dance and let that guide you in your actions and words. If idealogy about economics or cultural pride drives you, then perhaps dancing is not the forum for you to express that. Dance is for everyone and we all come to it and need it for many reasons: to think that can be controlled is a bit unrealistic. Making a living through dance and dancing as a hobby are equally important. When the dance is presented, one hopes that people are open to learning about its origins and history but that is not a requirement. I love this dance because it brings me a sense of intimacy that I think is missing in many or our every day interactions. I love this dance because it has taught me so much about myself and other people. I love what I do because I get to enrich other people's lives and help them discover themselves through their love of the dance. I value what I have to offer and appreciate that there are others who support me and find value in what I do.

We are still growing and there is enough for everyone to reap benefits from. If we grow the larger pie together then our slices will grow accordingly. Slicing up a small pie results in small pieces. When we grow kizomba so big that having five events on the same day doesn't matter, then we all win.

Never take one person's word about something, even if it is someone you trust. There are always multiple sides to any story and I can tell you from experience, even coming from the parties directly involved, the stories can come out like they weren't even about the same incident. Everyone deserves a second chance and I for one would appreciate them since I too make mistakes. Your experience first hand is the most important experience so taking someone's word about something takes that away from you.

Consider giving back in some way to something that has given you joy. Part of the joy in experiencing something is in giving back what you receive: just like paying it forward. Thanks to those of you that do, it makes for a better and kinder place and its one of the reasons why our Seattle Kizomba community is warm and welcoming.

Operating from fear, bolstering your own ego and self preservation is not the most pleasant way to live your life. I practice everyday to spend more energy in appreciating what I have and not falling into the "why not me?" sink hole. I don't have the perfect relationships with everyone but I do treasure the ones that I have that sustain me. I do my best to celebrate the successes of others, including my own. I believe one should acknowledge what is already here in front of you even as you make your mark. The world goes on with or without us and even though some people take actions that I would not, they still have their free will and there is nothing I can do to control it. What I can do is be true to who I am, find a good friend or two who can let me vent when I need to and treat everyone else with respect. I try my best to operate from a place of generosity and joy which is not always easy when I feel like being snarky or when I feel like I've been disregarded or undervalued. I think, if we choose what we love over what we fear, then we get what we love.

Tales from My Travel Adventures: Impressions of Japan

I'm writing this in reverse order a bit. I've recently been to Mexico City and then Japan with no real time to write and reflect in between so in the wee morning hour of my slightly modified schedule, I decided to a least write about my most recent visit to Japan.

I finally made it to Japan! This is a country I've dreamed about visiting since I first read manga. I've wanted to see this place that I've imagined after reading about geisha, ninja, samurai and all the countless manga that captured my imagination.

After arriving at Haneda airport close to midnight, we took the train to Shibuya where we were met by our airbnb host. Stepping out of the Shibuya train station, I was immediately reminded of BladeRunner (starring Harrison Ford) with towering buildings peppered with neon signs and larger than life video displays of Japanese advertising. When we arrived at Shibuya, it was almost midnight and it was still busy and a bit overwhelming. I thought I had been to big city before but this sprawling train station (one of the biggest in Japan) was nothing compared to what I had been to before.

Here's the thing that was a wonder for me. Here I was: in a foreign place, late at night, not quite being able to navigate my way around and : it still felt safe. Such a stark contrast to my first time arriving in New York City when I took the Amtrak Train.

Everything in Japan has some sort of cuteness, even the adult sections that I saw still had this level of cute that is just pervasive here. I totally get it!

Japan (at least from what I've seen) is an interesting juxtaposition of newness and tradition. Shibuya is a modern metropolis: the city itself seems alive with all its lights and sounds. Yet the people here that go to work or school wear what look like uniforms. Then there are a few that I can only describe as Japan punk: colored hair, stylized ward robe and outrageous shoes. There is food and shopping everywhere and its open very late (my kind of place).

From there I went to Kyoto: land of temples and shrines and geisha. The city is huge an the station even more enormous! You could spend a full day just exploring and shopping in the station.  There is part of Kyoto that is modern and then the part of Kyoto that I imagined from tales of samurai, ninja and geisha. The shrines are beautiful monuments of architecture, simplicity and majesty surrounded by the peace of nature, tho at the time we were there, often interrupted by the raucous tourists and school children that came to visit as well. It was jarring at times - being in such a quiet reflective place and then having all the people and noise.

I took a short visit to an onsen to get a taste for the hot baths out somewhere scenic. It was such a beautiful day to go and even tho I only spent a few hours, it was well worth the visit. Kurama is a small town, still very much a rural Japanese town located alongside mountains with breathtaking views. It was magical.

The train system is crazy! Its like the lifeline for the bustling metropolis. Seas of people navigating through it every day all the time. Stations that have 35 or more exits. It gets you everywhere.

The food is just amazing. I didn't even try everything that I wanted to.

One of my best days was spent in Ueno Park when it was nice and quiet. We were in search of cherry blossoms and only found a few trees but it was so much fun to walk through the place, eat soft ice cream, watch my niece and nephew play with their newly bought Totoro plush toys and explore the nearby market. That evening I made some new friends when I connected with someone through a mutual friend. I was able to teach kizomba and even though it was a small class, we had so much fun and I got to meet several people who share the same mind set as I do about dance and how it can break boundaries and cross music genres.

These are just a few of my impressions from my one week stay. I left feeling like there was so much more to do an I will definitely be back. In the meantime, I am back in Seattle, in the comfort of my own bed, dreaming of all my wonderful experience and looking forward to more.

Took a TON of pictures in my facebook album: Adventures in Japan.

Tango on a Monday Morning

I recently discovered a Daylight Tango Practica that runs from 11:00am to 2:00pm. Its the second time I've gone and each time has proven to be filled with wonderful surprises. I would like to write a longer piece but here, I'll try to capture some random moments instead:

• A woman married many many years to her childhood friend going through a divorce
• A lovely brunch with 2 women and a hunk of a waiter to flirt with
• Lessons on boleos (apparently I've been wound up too tight)
• A playful dance that lasted for many songs
• Conversations about a range of topics starting with Depeche Mode - so refreshing!
• Still shocked that someone would think that I'm twenty-something
• Tango exercises (its hard to get the kizomba out of me now)
• Its good to change up your routine 
• Depeche Mode as a tango Enjoy the Silence Tanghetto (sweet!)
• Its lovely to start off the dance when someone says "I was hoping you would still be here to dance with you"
• Further refinement of the tango hold
• Freshly baked sourdough bread
• Berretin - an obsession
• I wonder what I would feel like if ever I passed on an opportunity to make millions
• More free parking in Capitol Hill

Randomness on a Rainy Day

Every now and again, my brain flies from thought to thought without much rhyme or reason - at least none that I can figure. I thought I'd just put them to writing and see what happens.

My thoughts.... they swirl .... going all over the map.

I hear a podcast about how someone was inspired and saved by dance while I'm writing my book outline and I think I need to connect to this person because he's an example of what I'm writing about how dance changes people.

I'm trying to capture my philosophy on dancing so that if someone were to ask about me and my teaching for dance, it would reflect that. I want to build on the layers and layers of fun, awareness, growth and joy that comes from dancing.

A message about plans for later tonight: looking forward to catching up with someone that's a long time coming.

Looking at the time: dear lord! its already 3pm and wait, we loose an hour which means more daylight - hurrah!

Looking at the pile of socks I've accumulated to make sock animals...boy that's a lot of socks. Reflecting back on my crafting day with a friend and realizing the older version of dream I considered and wondering why I never pursued it. Perhaps I should.

Listening to kizomba music and thinking about the new series of posts I'm writing on balance, posture and tension. So many images in my head, I wish I could find a way to animate it all. Dance is so dynamic and I see it in colors and swirls of light. With kizomba there's a warmth and intimacy that I don't feel with any other dance. This is why its drew me in and captured me. This is why I want to help other see what it can be like to dance in another's embrace, very close, from the outside moving as if one but really communicating so flawlessly through touch.

I think it would be wonderful to find a partner in that same way. Someone that feels like home. Someone I can just be myself with. Like the dance, someone that draws me in, captivates and holds me in a comforting embrace.

Looking forward to time with my sister and her family for dinner and maybe bringing my sock animals over to share with the kiddos. Hmmmm, maybe I should just make more sock animals.

Rats - I forgot to drink more water again! Wait, just remembered another idea for my write.. gotta add pictures and diagrams.

ok.. now I AM going to make another sock animal.... brb

AND that's done... oh my! Its time to head out now but I thought I'd share my new sock creation. He's a fish.

And Then... It Just Clicked

In the last few months, I've learned a lot about myself and my relationships with family and friends. I've been processing and settling down from all the new information so it was difficult to write a post. I had started many drafts and now, finally, I'm able to share.

The end of 2013 was punctuated by these major events: an emergency at home, a realization that a significant relationship in my life had some serious issues and a lot of uncertainty about what would be happening in 2014. These events along with many others have helped me grow in a way I hadn't really anticipated.

In the last months in 2013 through early 2014, I was not my happy, positive self. I was worried, uncertain, hurt, heartbroken and confused. For someone like me, these feelings feel alien. I do not like feeling this way, in fact I work hard to get out of these states as quickly as I can. To have them all at once made me fell like I was undersiege and navigating through unknown territory. I also spent the last six weeks of 2013 in the Philippines to be with my mom and dad. This kept me from my usual activities and avenues of support. I wasn't sleeping well, I wan't dancing and I was holding tension in my body all the time. I was totally off kilter.

Thankfully, there were bright joyful moments in the mix. These moments brought palpable relief - I am so grateful for all of it. I met my adorable, almost 1 year old niece for the first time. She is friendly and so expressive: her smile just melted my heart. I was also able to catch up with high school friends: learning about their lives and new ventures was so much fun. It was wonderful to see how happy my father was with all three generations of our family being together for Christmas and New Year's.

So, here I was, felling battered and bruised and because I was trying so hard to keep from getting sucked into the negative void, I ended up creating a barrier that kept me from relaxing back into the lighter side of life.  I found myself more critical, very guarded and not at all joyful. I mean I had moments of  joy but the joy was so temporary.

I thought when I got back from the Philippines, I would re-center myself. I went to a weekend long dance festival to get some joy back. There certainly was that: it was such a joy to dance again and to get hugs and "we missed you!" from friends. I also had a chance to impact some people in a meaningful way by helping them to learn about kizomba. Their feedback on how I was able to make a difference was heartwarming.

Despite all this there was still something missing. I fell sick with the flu for about a week and then I'm not really sure what exactly happened, but something clicked.

Maybe the fever took with it some of the heaviness in my state of being. I finally was able to see that I was operating from a place that I didn't want to be in. I was interpreting everything based on not wanting to be hurt, not wanting to be confused and not wanting to be disappointed. In the end, I know something clicked when my friend made a suggestion that I could finally hear and absorb. The suggestion was to envision a future - no holds barred - of something that I wanted that would make me feel joyful again.

They say that you reflect back the fears that you have in your heart. If you approach something being fearful of getting hurt, you only see the hurt because you're watching out for it so carefully. I was stuck in this state and because I felt so "battered" I ended up curling into a ball and I couldn't see past where I was. Being in that moment was not the answer. So now, I'm finally able to let go of the hurt, disappointment and turn down my defensive mode so I can focus on stepping into an open canvas to start expressing my own truth and helping others find their happy path (with dancing feet whenever possible). 

Adventures in Nicaragua: Blessings From A Dancing Frontier

I've been teaching kizomba for almost three years now and while I don't have direct access to the roots of the dance being so far away from Angola and Portugal, I am still learning every time I dance and teach it.

Helping to grow the dance in Seattle has helped me learn so much beyond just dancing. I started out with a wish to have more people to dance kizomba with, to share why I love this dance so much with others, to learn from danceres that aspire to dance like or with and to be able to start teaching dance. The journey so far has opened up many opportunities and blessed me by crossing my path with so many generous and amazing people. I was at the forefront of this huge wave that still has all these rippling effects.

It hasn't been all goodness and light, there have been some hard lessons along the way which have helped me learn more about myself and how to deal with others who do not always share the same beliefs and work ethic.

I'm so lucky that I was able to experience being at the forefront again.

I was recently in Nicaragua for their Salsa Congress to teach and perform kizomba. It was a lovely experience. Most memorable because the people I met and taught and danced with were generous, grateful and hungry to dance.

I didn't know this before I went there: salsa, bachata and kizomba are all relatively young dances in Nicaragua. They have not been dancing salsa for a long time like we have here in the US. So, without realizing it, I had the pleasure of seeing and being a part of a growing and thriving dance scene for salsa, bachata and hopefully, kizomba.

In Nicaragua, salsa has not been around for very long. They are dominantly Casino (Cuban) style salsa dancers. Linear dancing (as they call it) or dancing on a slot is a new phenomenon for them. Its only been around about 3-5 years. Dancing on2 has only been around for the last few months! On top of that bachata is also new, maybe 1-2 years old. And Kizomba? Its brand spanking new. I had the privilege to be one of the first people to expose these dancers to this beautiful dance.

I was met with such welcome and generosity, it was impossible not to be infected by it. What I walked into is a community of dancers so hooked on dancing, so thirsty for it that their hunger to learn and desire to dance and joy in dance was like a splash of cold water in a hot, dry desert. Such a blessing to be a part of. It made me so thankful for the opportunity to help shape their dance experience. It wasn't just about introducing kizomba (which was so exciting in itself), It was also a gift to be a part of a community that just loves to dance.

It made me realize how easy it is to take for granted and how lucky I am that I have access to all this dancing here in Seattle, in the US. For them, they are just starting and so hungry for more. Its like being with kids and their unadulterated joy in discovery and play.

I could see them struggle with the differences in movement between salsa and kizomba. Some of them took to it right away, others were fighting against body movements that they just conditioned themselves to do.

I don't often like to claim responsibility for a lot of things that I do because they don't just involve me, they involve other people too. I do think of myself as a positive catalyst for change. The idea that I could influence someone else's dancing so that they eventually incorporate dance in to their lives and derive from it all its joys is just too cool for words. I love seeing people blossom through dance and its even more gratifying to be able to introduce it and plant dance seeds.