Monday, October 29, 2012

Random Thoughts on a Monday


So, here I am typing away on the Surface RT that my sister played a part in producing and contemplating my failing eyesight.

I have cataracts in both eyes and they have deteriorated exponentially over the past few months. The condition itself is easily corrected by a surgical procedure that replaces the clouding lenses with some super cool new stuff J My complication is that I also have a condition called uveitis which is essentially an infection In my eye. Basically, my white blood cells are acting as if I had an infection in my body that needs to be taken care of. Until that dies down, it’s too risky to have the surgery.

  My vision is now cloudy at best. When there is enough light, I can function well enough, even though it feels like I have film over my eyes all the time. In the dark it’s a different matter – the world around me becomes a blur. When the summer light was still in full force it really wasn’t so bad but now that the days are getting shorter and the quality of light is changing to fall/winter, I am even more acutely aware of my failing vision.

Rather than belabor what I’m losing, I’m doing my best to focus on what I can do. It’s difficult since your sight is unavoidable – the minute you wake up and open your eyes – there it is. I am thankful that I still have sight and that the condition is correctable. I only want to imagine more dire circumstances and focus on looking forward to getting new lenses in my eyes.

I can still dance, I can still read, I can still type on a computer and share my thoughts.

My friends and family have been great – some are worried for me, some are helping me by driving me places and checking in on me when I need to get somewhere. I even had my niece helping me walk down a dark street at night – she held my hand and just said “I’ll get you to the car.” There’s a lot to be grateful for so I’m spending all my energies on that and redirecting my worried, irritated and frustrated thoughts where I can. I’m almost there – the infection seems to have subsided now and it’s a matter of decreasing the dosage of steroid drops that are keeping it at bay. I see the doctor again in a week and am hoping for the best possible outcome – the scheduling of my cataract surgery.

My days are generally lazy – I’m working on that too. I’d like to be more fit conscious – so I’m taking small steps and trying not to fall back to my bed too much. As it turns out I can do a lot from bed: work on the computer, read, watch tv and knit or crochet, work on some beading, edit pictures… when the days are getting nippier, that “snuggle under the covers” instinct takes over.

I also feel like I’m waiting for something to “bust me out”. I know that this thing is really me but still – I’m in a strange holding pattern. I think my eyesight has something to do with it but it’s more than that – I’m just happy to be doing nothing much for now.

I haven’t been entirely idle though. I’ve been teaching a new dance and doing what I can to bring experienced and great instructors here to Seattle to help everyone grow and learn. That’s been very rewarding in so many ways and I hope to expand it to sustain a living… but I’ll write more about that another time.

I’ve also had more time to spend with my niece and nephew: such bundles of joy, curiosity and love. I’m quite happy to hang out with them as they develop their views on the world around them, find joy in the silliest things and laugh out loud with abandon. Seeing the world through their eyes is always so refreshing and uplifting. How else can a game of sling shot underwear get invented? I know families don’t always get along this well and I am so glad that mine and my sister’s have turned out this way.

I’m never bored. I really don’t know how one can ever be with so much out there to experience. It’s true, I don’t feel very productive sometimes, but I’m morphing into something so when that morphing is done, then I guess I can look back and say whether I really needed all this time now for it.

All in all, life is good. I’m not travelling round the world or rolling in the money but I’m certainly just enjoying where I am now ad wondering how I can keep this up!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Thoughts From the Fun-Employed - well, at least one of them

You know how some people say "man I'm so bored, what can I do?" 

I call bull! Its been almost 6 months into my fun-employment and I have never been bored yet. Lazy, yes, but never bored. 

I realize now that what I really needed was a good break from my "normal" work mode and I'm forever grateful to whatever influences in my life prompted me to plan ahead enough so that I can actually afford fun-employment without feeling money-pinched.

One of my goals was to write more and that hasn't really happened so I thought I'd start by sharing some random thoughts for now. Some of these maybe obvious but they didn't really hit home for me until now. 

Time Warp    "I have all this time to ..." this is what I thought when I first started this adventure. It turns out that the time I would have spent in the office is easily spent lounging around getting ready in the morning, cooking for myself, reading articles that I've been meaning to read and finishing projects that I've been meaning to start. Basically, my sense of time got warped somehow. My day is still as full as ever even though I don't have a 9-5 job and this list of things to do now that I have time just keeps growing at a faster rate then I can check things off. The good news is, I'll never be bored! 

Its a beautiful feeling to know that I don't HAVE to do anything.  I'm not sure when in my life, I started to feel that things had to be done "or else." Can I just say - its liberating (and a little scary) to be unbounded. I love it!

Time to appreciate the little things.  Its quite something to be able to just sit down and enjoy time in the sun with a good book and not have to worry about some meeting that I have to go to or some deadline I have to meet or someone at work thinking that I'm a slacker for taking a break to chill out. I've finally been able to clear out some junk that's been sitting around in my apartment for years!  

Time to stew on things.  This is the flip side of being able to appreciate the small things. There's so much time that you can start to stew on things that need to just be left alone. Its a great exercise for letting go of things that aren't under my control.

Daydreaming - a lost art.  Oh, its been a blast to just sit and think about all the different things I can dream about and plan to do with no pressure other than the satisfaction of being able to think about possibilities and then make them happen.

Finding Kindred Spirits.  I'm not sure why, but it turns out there are lots of people in the same boat as I am in: "fun-employed" and looking to start something else besides that 9 to 5 pay-the-bills kind of job. Having this time off has helped me to find these kindred spirits. I've also been spending time getting to know some of my acquaintances a little more and developing the  friendships that have been "waiting till I had more time".

Seeing the signs.  I truly believe that if you're on the path that you're meant to be, life will keep sending you signs to tell you that you're on the right path. The signs are everywhere if you're open to seeing them. (Read The Alchemist by Paul Coelho) Most of us are too busy to see what is standing right in front of us. For me these past few months, opportunities to work on projects and meet people have fallen into place better than if I were planning to do them. I've been able to work on things that I wouldn't have imagined I'd be working on.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A Good Dance Night

Someone once said to me "I'll bet you've never had a bad night of dancing."

I agreed right away. Then I had to think for a few minutes just to make sure. There was only one bad night of dancing I remember. It was on a really hot summer day - almost 100 degrees outside  - which was even worse indoors.The venue was HOT and crowded and I was hot, sweaty and irritable. I felt like a bumper car: every time I danced, I was stepped on and/or bumped by some other person. I was dancing with a friend and I got stepped on with every eight count that we danced.It was ridiculous and I was livid! I thought "Seriously? Am I not going to be able to dance without getting hit?" I got so mad that I just stopped dancing. I told my partner how sorry I was but I had to leave the dance floor right away. Thankfully, my friend took it gracefully and walked me outside. He stayed with me until I was able to return to the dance floor. I needed to cool down after that meltdown (literally!). The rest of the night was actually a lot of fun, but I remember the night mainly because of my meltdown which inspired a blog post that I wrote called "Casualties of Salsa".

What makes a good night of dancing? This question has been a topic of discussion for my peers who have been growing as dancers and whose definition of what makes a good dance has changed. For some people, a good night has to start with a solid dance: start with a bad dance and the rest of the night is ruined. Others make sure that they only dance with the dancers that they know they'll have a good dance with. Some leads take pride in asking as many follows as they can to dance. Others aspire to make sure every dance they have is enjoyable for their dance partner. Still others who are working on improving a certain technique will only enjoy dancing when they can practice and execute that specific technique.

For me, dancing is joyful so a bad dance night is an oxymoron. On any given night, I may have a dance or more that I did not enjoy, but I know I'll be able to dance a good dance some time during the night. Bottom line is that I don't let the bad dances drag me down and I relish every good and "super-tacular" dance that I have. So as long as I can have a good dance, I'm good.


Over the years, I've been lucky enough to have access to some wonderful teachers and dancers who have contributed to my growth as a dancer. It is a constant source of wonder that I find myself improving in ways that I never really thought were possible. Consequently, it is also inevitable that what I enjoy about dancing will change. Its like discovering the power up options in a video game: after getting enough of them, you just want to find them and keep powering up all the time.


When I first started social dancing it was about being able to dance all night long, non-stop, with as many people as I could. It's a lot like the first time a kid figures out how to walk - they just can't stop. When my nephew first started walking, he basically jogged and ran in circles for what seemed like hours. He would start with that wobbly duck walk, pick up the pace and start running in circles and do that until his legs got tired and he would stop, laughing and giggling the whole time. Every now and again he would lose his balance and fall. Unfazed, he would just get up and start running again. That's what dancing was like for me when I first got hooked: I could never get enough.

As I've learned more about dancing I realize my dance joy now consists of three things: musicality, mastery of technique and connection with my lead. The sweet spot has just the right balance of playfulness, connection, and musical expression. Balance doesn't mean all three elements are equal, sometimes there can be more of one than the other. Essentially, a good dance is a wonderful convergence of instruments, rhythms, lyrics, harmonies with the movements from leading and following. My lead is tuned in to the music and clear about what he wants me to follow. I have room to play and add my voice in response and my lead weaves my response back into the dance.

What's interesting about the sweet spot is that its possible to get there with less experienced dancers. Don't get me wrong, I'm far more likely to hit the sweet spot with an advanced and experienced dancer. I can't deny that when I'm dancing with a superstar who leads a move that I've never done before and I nail it, that's a pretty amazing high. When I'm dancing with a lead who's new to the dance, its also a high to see them having fun, relaxing and every now and again, taking my lead on the music to play with it. It doesn't happen all the time but as an experienced follow, I can assert my voice earlier and influence the outcome of the dance: I got such a kick out of falling into my on2 mambo rhythm with a beginner lead who was open enough to pick up on the rhythm and maintain it for the rest of the song - fantastic!

Now that I have a more refined definition of a good dance one might think that its harder to have a good dance night right?. Not so. One of the great things I feel about becoming a better follow and dancer is that I can adapt to almost anything so my chances of hitting the sweet spot are better then ever. I've improved what I can contribute to a dance and added more dimensions through which I can experience the joy of dancing.

I believe that if you stay true to what makes you feel good about dancing you'll have a good dance night: let go of the dances that don't give you joy and go after the joy that you find in dance

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Dancing, Teaching, Learning and Recharging

That's the work that I say I do on my Facebook profile.

At the end of 2011, I decided that I needed a break so as of February 1, 2012, I quite my job as a project manager and decided that I needed to take some time to recharge and also work on these ideas that have been swirling in my head to see if there's a way to make a living out of Dancing, Teaching and Learning.

It's a little scary because the practical side of me is screaming "What are you thinking? Just stop working with no income? That's just Cr-A-zy!!".

Several friends of mine have called this new stage of life "fun-employed". I hope to make it something sustainable. They say that if you start living the life you want, it will be so. Wish me luck! I'll be writing more about my adventures as I go.

In the meantime, I'm working on bringing a new dance to the scene in Seattle - check out more
at the Kizomba blog and the Kizomba Seattle facebook group page.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Community: Diversity and Unity

When I moved to Seattle 4 years ago, I walked by a billboard about salsa dancing which has brought all sorts of joy in my life. I thought: dancing would be a great activity for a new comer: meet people, be active and have fun. Perfect! Now, I dance almost every night of the week and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

I remember the first time I walked into Halo (East Hall's predecessor) on a Monday night. I was so unsure of myself: new place, new dance and new people. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. I would sit and try to look calm yet inside I would project "pick me! pick me!". I would watch the more experienced dancers and think "I wonder if that will ever be me?". [NOTE: I am forever grateful to the leads that were welcoming to a total stranger: they asked me to dance  and helped to "find my wings" on the dance floor.]

Back then, I had no idea what the salsa landscape was like. It didn't take me long to find out that there are a LOTS of other teachers and studios and what? places to go dancing EVERY night?! Then there's this congress concept: a weekend full of workshops and dancing. Then I stumbled upon other salsa styles: casino, rueda de casino, on2, mambo, dancing on the 3, on the 5... holy smokes! And what's this? Performance teams? wow, does it ever end? What a rich, fun and interesting community I found myself in. It reminded me a lot of the volleyball community I left when I moved away from Massachusetts. There was diversity but still a lot of community: people supported each other by attending tournaments that were hosted in different locations. These discoveries happened quickly as I began to dance more and more: it was easy to meet all these different sub-cultures within the dance community. It was great to see and meet everyone from these different pockets out dancing in the same place on the different nights. Every now and again there would be a special event like an anniversary or birthday that would be in a different place, offering a pleasant diversion from the usual happenings.

Fast forward to 2011. There is still dancing every night but sometimes there's more than one place to go to. There are more studios that have opened, each with their own practica and/or social. Some places have closed, some places have re-opened and new places have tried to start and stuttered. There are now nights with 3 or 4 different events to choose from and instead of being able to go to one event knowing that everyone will be there, I now have to pick and choose which one to go to, based on where I think my friends and favorite dancers will be.

Its a hard life right? Going from only have one option to having to pick from 3 or 4. It's infinitely better that there are more venues to dance rather than less. But I miss being able to go to one place knowing that everyone will be there. I hate having to choose which event to go to: who do I support? I want to support all the different venues and studios because I want to keep salsa strong in the community but I can't go to every event.

What I also see is that studios have created more insular communities that no longer mix: its like having invisible borders. I love that the folks are committing time to teach and have their own studio space. I understand that providing a safe place for beginners to go and practice is must in order for these budding dancers to keep going. I'm sometimes sad to see that these "borders" now keep some folks from experiencing that same richness in diversity that I was able to when I first started dancing.  I know that as a dancer I improved because I was exposed to so many different styles and schools of dance when I went out.

As a whole Seattle's salsa community is welcoming. There's no shortage of choices for places to dance and people to learn from. But, I feel like there is more divisiveness now compared to a few years ago and it makes me wish for change. Our community is not so big that it can sustain all the different businesses and venues out there and I think there are ways that the different event organizers and studios can cooperate and coordinate so there are less conflicts when they run events. It would be nice to be able to attend an anniversary party without having to skip someone's fund raiser or a live band.

Its a tough thing to balance: running a business and investing in the community. I think though that keeping the  dance community alive and growing is in itself an investment for dance studios and related businesses. You can't entirely lose sight of one for the other. I certainly don't have good answers and I'm not sure how many other people feel the same way I do but as 2011 comes to a close one of the things I'm hoping for is that there will be more opportunities for events that bring together the entire community of salsa dancers while still sustaining all the independent businesses that keep the salsa dancing strong in Seattle.

Just sharing a wish... and hoping everyone out there has a wonderful new year celebration as we head into 2012: much love, more hugs, lots of dancing and whatever else your heart fancies.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Falling Back

Its been a while and after drafting and re-drafting at least 6 different posts, I decided that I should just post something.

This weekend we gained an extra hour of sleep which means our days get shorter and shorter. In the spirit of falling back, I share some things I learned about myself and leave some food for thought (to be expanded later on).

Falling back to some basic principles I wonder ....

..  I've experienced a lot, but there are still "first times" to learn from and this year has been filled with lots of "1st time"s

... how does one build community in the midst of change that seems to be subdividing us into smaller groups?

... the joy I feel when dancing remains but as I learn and grow, I realize how much more I enjoy that dance that connects me to my partner and the music.

... its hard to stay positive about yourself when you're learning about your own vulnerability.

... how does one keep learning and still maintain that initial sense of wonder to share if there are less people to share with the more you uncover.

... biding my time in a place where I don't belong is not as easy as it sounds.

Food for thought... I'll be back soon!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Adventures in Performance Salsa

My life of late has been a whirlwind of practicing for performances and trying to catch up to myself.  My everyday activities seem overshadowed by my dancing activities and I'm finally feeling like I'm coming back down to earth now that the winds have calmed down.

There comes a time in any dance crazy person's life (definition of dance crazy below) where the words "dance team" pop into your head. Its inevitable as you start to go to congresses, you hear about your friend's joining teams, you see performances and you start to wonder if that's the next step for your growth as a dancer.

Dance Crazy = dancing more than 3-4 times a week, taking classes and socializing with other dancers  after dancing. You should be contemplating or may have gone to a congress (or more). Your social calendars involves events with dancing or other dancers.

I've only been dancing salsa for 3+ years and love it, a LOT! It seems like I've been dancing forever. In that time, I've been on 2 dance teams and I wanted to share my thoughts on performing, just in case you were wondering too. I'm also not presenting pros or cons: everyone gets into performing for different reasons so I'm hoping this will just help bring out all the aspects you should consider if you're thinking about performing.

DISCLAIMER: I write to share my adventures and hopefully help others find their own answers to the same questions I ask myself. At the very least, I write to entertain. I try very hard not to malign anyone. BUT, just in case, I apologize in advance. My hope is that you can find a bit of wisdom to help you make up your mind if you're considering a team or nod in agreement and chuckle if you find yourself in the same circumstances. 

Why Perform? 
I saw it as a challenge and a next step in my growth as a dancer. Growing up, I played the piano and danced ballet. There was some sort of recital or even a contest or 2 that my teachers would always want me to participate in. Performance is a huge part of the training. It makes sense that the same thing applies for salsa dancing. Performing gives you a different purpose and perspective. For me, it meant working harder to perfect things and having a different sense of accomplishment for having entertained people with my dancing. Performance also introduces a new aspect of dancing that I wanted to explore more: choreography and that whole creative process around staging a dance.

And, its there but not the big driver: I had the FOMS (fear of missing out): everyone else in my direct circle seemed to be on a team, why not give it a go?

Here's the other by product of performing that's HUGE: confidence. My confidence as a dancer has improved. I own my dancing more. This is something universal: the better you feel about yourself, the better you feel about your dancing, the better dancer you become.

I'm NOT saying dance team is nirvana. Dance teams are as varied as they come and sometimes the experience can be sour and make you want to wipe your hands off dancing in general. If you ever find yourself with this aftermath and if you're ever loved dancing, don't let it rule you. Take the break you need to reset and come back to it. You'll find the joy in dancing that you had again.

Performance Art 
Whether you realize it or not, dancing is a performance art. A social dance is essentially an informal performance. You're out in the public, you dance with your partner, other people see you dancing. It can't be helped! The biggest difference with being on a performance team is that (1) you do it on a stage (or in the center of a dance floor or on a boat or where ever your dance director decides), (2) you're in the spotlight with your team and (3) you've got to dance "larger than life" so that the audience connects with you too. Its no longer just about you and your partner: now its also about you and the audience. You have to dance bigger, sharper, with lots more energy than your normal social dance. You have to also synchronize with other members on the team. You have to generate the energy to draw in the crowd and then feed of that energy to engage them and hook them in.

Choreography versus Social Dancing 
Dancing to choreography is different from social dancing. The connection is different: not all the moves you learn are naturally leadable on the social dance floor. There's also an element of acting, staging and synchronizing to consider. You'll learn more about tricks and dips and things that make the dancing "pop" more: the 'wow' factor. There's also this really cool creative process that happens when you see someone putting steps together with music, orchestrating how different people interact with each other on stage based on the music selected.

I've seen this dichotomy as well: good performance dancers don't necessarily make good social dancers. This is certainly NOT true for the world class performers that teach and bring everyone to their feet when they dance. Performers at that level are fantastic dancers in their own right and if you ever get a chance to dance with them on the social dance floor - go for it!

Social dancing is more about connecting with your partner. This aspect of partner dancing, while important, isn't the only focus of dancing in a performance. You may find that folks on a dance team are not necessarily the same people that go out social dancing. In fact, some people join performance teams less than 1 year into their dancing "career" and only have time for practicing and performing and nothing else.

My advice: don't leave social dancing out. Perfecting the choreography is one thing, but as with any other skill and craft, one must always improve the basis for those skills. For dancing, its the basics and techniques that allow you to dance on your own as an individual and then as a follow or lead in the partner dancing. Social dancing is the best way to practice your connection and ability to connect with anyone.

Practice, Practice, Practice There's a book that says in order to become an expert at something, you have to practice it for at least 10,000 hours. No matter what anyone says about meeting once a week, if you want to get good enough to perform, you HAVE to practice more than once a week and you have to practice with your partner and your team and the music. You have to listen to the music so many times that you can hear it in your head. You have become familiar enough to be able to pick up the choreography at any point in the music. Honestly? You can't practice enough.

Ego  There's lots of ego stroking. From the performance itself and even leading up to getting on a performance team. When you get asked to perform, its sort of a big deal, right? Its flattering. You might think, "Really? You think I'm good enough?". Or, if you haven't gotten asked you might think "What's wrong with my dancing?" Its a great affirmation to get asked to join or to be on a dance team.

Performing is an ego affirmation because if you do a good job, there's nothing quite like the recognition one gets from a public performance. Not to mention that group high that comes with accomplishing something you've worked hard on with your dance partner/ dance team. Depending on the community you're in, there's a lot of support for performers so that's always good energy to have. Seattle is one such community.

Its also a great way to get more dances. As superficial as this sounds, as a performer, you will get asked to dance a lot more, its just part of what people see on the surface.

IMPORTANT ASPECTS TO CONSIDER (because, surprisingly enough, no one ever really tells you these things):


1) No Matter What Anyone Tells You: you'll always need more time to practice!
This becomes even more true as you get closer to a performance! Before you know it, its eating up all your life. Just make sure you set your boundaries properly and try to be as explicit as possible with what you can or can't do and in the end, be responsible - if you can't put in the time to be ready to perform, don't expect to perform.


2) The Creative Mind is Constantly Changing [ just remember, things change ALL THE TIME]
I love the creative mind: its rich with all these really cool things. BUT, its always changing to see what works best. There's tweaks, and adjustments and... just expect anything. Know that NOTHING IS SET IN STONE no matter how much you wish it to be. Things happen, you have to adjust. I've been lucky to be surrounded by the right people to help me through these times so I have constant reminders. If you can't deal with this wonderful chaos, then its probably not a good idea to join a performance team.


3) Contracts & Logistics
Get all the facts about joining at team as up front as possible. Talk to the directors, talk to the team members, talk to former team members and do your best to research. These things can definitely put a damper on your experience and if someone's recruiting you, they're not likely to get into gory details and you won't think to ask. Just ask about cost (of joining, of performing), travel, lessons and additional training, etc. AND be really up front about your commitments and what you can do as part of the team.

4) When its stops being fun, its time to take a breath and re-evaluate
This is a big one: if there are fundamental issues and incompatibilities, its not worth it to stay and be miserable after giving it your best shot. There will always be drama whether you like it or not - a group of people always together, preparing, performing. Even if you love to dance, these circumstances cause stress and everyone has different ways of dealing with it. Try to give yourself the time to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons. Its easy to get carried away by the team and what the "right thing to do is". If you treat everyone with respect and make sure to check in with yourself about what you're goals are, then you should be able to know when something isn't worth staying for. 


5) Set your boundaries: team stuff can easily take over your life
No joke! I can't say this enough (its like the previous point) Its important to keep things in perspective and not let peer pressure dictate what you can or can't do. Just be clear about up front and be responsible for letting people know about what you can or can't commit to as far enough in advance as you can. I would say that you should expect the same from your team but that's not always easy to get. Just make sure you understand what your team is like when it comes to time commitments: the closer priorities are between team members and the director, the better the experience.


6) Don't forget to say Thank You! BE part of the fun.
Successful teams have leaders and team members who pitch in regularly and equally. They celebrate together and work together on things that aren't as successful. As soon as there is perceived inequity in anything, bad stuff happens. Say thanks to the people that deserve it and try to pitch in when you can and don't take anything for granted.

LAST WORDS....I'm still on a performance team. I'm enjoying the people I'm with and still learning a lot (sometimes so much, my head feels like its going to explode!) and still challenged by the experience. Its been challenging to keep things in perspective, but I'm doing that too. So far, so good! Do I absolutely love performing? The jury is still out: my love for connecting with people on the social dance floor still far outweighs the joys of performing.