Tips for a Great Congress Experience

I've had some fantastic congress experiences in the last year so I thought I'd share some tips in case you're considering going to one or have already gone and didn't have as good a time as you hoped. If you're already a pro at the at congress experience, feel free to share your tips by commenting to this post. If you've never gone to one before - DO IT!

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
I'm writing this specifically for folks (like me) who like to know what plans are ahead of time and make decisions accordingly. In the world of congresses, there is a LOT in flux all the time so plan for change - it is a constant.

WHAT IS A CONGRESS?

A long weekend of workshops and dancing for anyone at any level interested in dance. There are events all over the world for all sorts of dances. Just check out this site Worl Salsa Festivals to get an idea of just how many there are. [NOTE: This site isn't the only resource to use, just search through Google or any other search engine of choice to find out.] I've attended salsa and bachata congresses so my experiences reference those dance types specifically. A congress is an event that bring together dance fans, dancers, instructors, musicians and performers from all over the world. You have the opportunity to take workshops, see performances and dance with folks from other cities / states / countries.

Its like dance camp  - for adults!

GENERAL FORMAT

The event lasts over a long weekend and is typically held in a hotel near the airport of the host city OR in a hotel with the capacity for large functions. Festivities usually start on Thursday evening and end by Sunday. Occasionally, there will be Monday activities targeted to folks that decide to hang around a little longer before heading home. Thursday starts with a pre-party at a local club or at the hotel. Workshops are held Friday, Saturday and Sunday followed by performances and then social dancing with DJ (and/or live band). The peak of quality of performances and attendance is typically on Saturday as many people tend to leave sometime on Sunday.  

WHAT DO YOU WANT?  Workshops, Performances, Social Dancing, the Experience or All of the Above?

Workshops 

If you go for the workshops, be warned that schedules generally don't get published until closer to the event itself. So, if you're going just for the workshops, you may have to decide things with not all the information available. Bear in mind that schedules are pretty fluid: they can change during the event as well. Check the  performer and instructor lists to give you some idea about who's going to be there that might be teaching. Workshops are typically held during the day through early evening (10am to 6pm) on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The levels of the workshops can vary. If you're looking to experience a variety of instructors, this is certainly the right venue for that. If you're looking for very specific techniques and training, this is likely not the right venue unless you schedule privates with the instructors that will be there (an additional expense that you will have to coordinate with the event coordinators and/or instructors themselves).

Performances

There will be a mix of  "headliners" and local teams performing through out the weekend. The program schedule for who's dancing when is also one that doesn't get finalized till the event gets closer. The performer line-up will be updated periodically so you can see who will be performing. Typically Saturday performances have all the big names and will be the longest one. If you're going for performances, then you should shoot for Fri, Sat and Sunday night stays. Performances are typically from 9:30 to 11:00, before social dancing begins.

Social Dancing

Social dancing happens every night till wee am hours (3am, 4am, sometimes 5am). After performances wrap up, there is usually a small break so that the venue can be setup for social dancing (chairs are put away, etc.) so dancing sometimes doesn't start till midnight depending on the performance schedule. At some congresses, there will be dancing before the performances begin but that's usually attended by a smaller group. Depending on what you're after for social dancing, this has been my experience about the 'flavor' of  each night.

Friday nights are like going to a "new place" for the first time. There will be lots of people and I think in general, some initial trepidation to ask newer people to dance. This is where if you go with a nice group, you'll be able to still dance and then from there, new dances can take off. My experience has been that with the group I go with, I can dance comfortably with people I already know, we can get warmed up, strut our stuff (yes, there's a little of this element to show that you can dance, you're in a brand new venue with people that don't know you) and then continue with the rest of the night.

Saturday is the "big" night - everyone and anyone will be in attendance. If you're like me at all, I feel a bit lost when there's so many people. These large well attended nights can sometimes feel like a combat zone to me. I feel like I need to "work" to get a dance and that's when I feel less comfortable. There's a feeling of people watching to see if you're any good and of course, lines of people waiting to dance with the superstars. If you're someone that thrives on the large crowd and energy Saturday is definitely the best night for you.

For me, Sunday is the best night. Its not as crowded because some folks have left to go home and everyone that's there for performances or event organizing is way more relaxed. They can let their hair down and just kick back and enjoy the night. Also, you've now spent 2 or 3 days at the event and have met more people and danced with more people at workshops and other social dances so you're not "new" anymore. There is no more "saving energy" since its the last night to party it up! I find it more relaxing and definitely a lot more fun. 

Experience

Most of the time, the congress workshops and activities are packed into 3 days, there's really no time to explore the surroundings. Sometimes, the surroundings are basically the airport that you arrived in. So, if you're thinking about the overall experience, do a little research about where the congress if being held. There are all sorts of different places from a sunny beach, to a cruise ship or an all inclusive resort. 

Tip #1: Go with the right group of people

I think this can make or break your congress experience unless you are truly one of those extroverts who just thrives being in a  new place with new faces. For me, it can be bit overwhelming and the company of familiar friends is very welcome. Not only can you share the experience with people you care about, you can also dance with your friends and "strut your stuff" to get your dance mojo on before drifting out into the "wild" to meet with the rest of the people around you. Being with friends won't stop you from enjoying the experience of meeting new people or doing something different . Dancing is such a social thing, its just that much more fun for me to share a congress experience with friends who are just as crazy about dancing as me.

Tip #2: Get Some Sleep Beforehand and After
Seriously, there's very little time to sleep if you want to do everything that's available so get sleep before hand! If you can afford it, give yourself time to recover when you get back. There are breaks during the activities for eating and napping so use them wisely. Sometimes, between performances and dancing, you may be able to take a catnap. Dancing usually goes till the wee am hours, so you have an hour or more (depending on the venue) after the performance to catch a quick reboot before heading back out the dance you socks off.

Tip #3: Ask Someone Who's been to that Event Before
This isn't always possible but because schedules and event information change so much prior to the big shebang AND you have these great ticket deals way in advance of all the juicy details. It helps to find out who's been to the event before and what to expect. You can also contact the event organizer directly with specific questions.

Tip #4: Go with the Flow

Change is a constant so don't be wedded to anything and be flexible and open to new things. You can plan a little bit but the best experience will probably be a combination of doing what you wanted and keeping an open mind. Don't be afraid to try anything once and don't be shy! I've been blessed with some of my more memorable dances and interactions with people as a result of things "not going as planned".

Tip #5: Have a GREAT TIME!

This goes without saying and doesn't need a whole lot of explaining but its important enough so, here it is!

Leave your worries behind and soak up the experience: eat, sleep (if you can) and dance (lots) !

Dance Diversity

Someone once asked me to characterize what I love about the different dances that I've learned and enjoy.I couldn't answer it on the spot but thought it would make a great post so here it is.

Discovering dance has opened up worlds for me. I am always learning something new: about me, about movement, about the people that love the dance and why they love it, about the origins of dance, about the places where the dance is alive, about the music and its structure. Dancing is one of the easiest and most gratifying activities to get into: it has so many riches and rewards. There's a little bit of something for everyone.

SO - what's the deal with so many dances? I know, for most people, its hard enough to learn ONE new activity that's quite complex: new movements, new music, new connections with new people. Me, I just love the variety. I love being able to find the common elements, the threads that connect the different steps and movements. I love being able to respond to whatever music is playing with the right moves. I love that no matter what song is played, I can dance to it.

Dance is universal. Its cool see how different dances relate to one another. There is something primal about moving your body to music and its even more exciting when I can do that in sync with someone else without saying a word. There are dances that challenge me technically, dances that just make me smile and bop my head, dances where I melt into my partner's close embrace and yet others that, once the music starts, just seem to run right through me so that my feet and body just react without thinking.

Here are the top 10 dances that I really enjoy, in no particular order:

SALSA: This is the dance that has currently holds me captive (3 years so far and still going strong). I started learning the LA or On1 style of salsa. I love the dance because its sensual and fun. There's a call and response aspect to it that's much like the flirtation between a guy and a girl as they basically try to say "look at me" to each other ... and sometimes to the people watching. I think there's such joy in the music that you can't help but dance to it. Its energetic and fun: when you see people dancing, you just want to join in.

MAMBO: I discovered mambo about a year and a half into dancing salsa. There was this "On2" thing which no one could really explain well to me and as I took different musicality workshops until I learned that this particular on2 style came from New York. A large part of why I'm learning this dance is the teacher that helped me discover how much there is to dancing it. It challenged me in a way that I hadn't been challenged before because it taught me new techniques. I learned more about the structure of the music, about the evolution of the dances and met some amazing people along the way. Its enhanced my dancing in so many ways - I continue to learn something new every time I dance it. When everything works, the dance is smooth: explosive and then chill with effortless transfers of energy.

CASINO: Salsa from Cuba. For me this dance was like the "swing" version of salsa. There's this revolving connection between the follow and the lead. I learned it when I discovered Rueda de Casino which is a dance with different couples in a circle and a caller directing the circle on what to do. Instead of just dancing with one person, you're dancing with everyone in the circle. There's a stronger sense of community in the dancing because everyone is interacting with everyone else in the circle. Talk about a party! There's an energy unmatched by any other dancing really because of the collective group. Whether danced in a circle or not, I love the idea of the lead and follow revolving around each other: one is "macho" - grounded and strong while the other is just as commanding - sensual and always flirtatious.

LINDY HOP: Whenever swing music plays, any heaviness in my heart fades away. The music has a bounce that lifts my spirits in a way that no other genre of music does for me. I get to move to the suave voices of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and cool grooves of so many wonderful musicians. This dance connection is one of compression and extension - like a rubber band that just springs back and forth. Lead and follow use each other's energy to create dynamic movement with the freedom to still express one's own personality. It can be insanely fast and energetic with kicks and lifts. It can be groovy and cool; smooth with just that hint of peppiness. The springiness of the dance is what makes it fun and the light-hearted music is just hard to resist.

WEST COAST SWING: Partner dancing to pop music with elements of Lindy and Salsa - what's not to like? This dance to me is a combination of salsa and swing to music that I can sing to that's modern and hip (as in hip hop). What fun! I don't get a chance to dance this a lot but I love the connection in this dance. The connection between lead and follow extends and contracts with such smoothness. Unlike Lindy, its less bouncy, more like dancing on ice.

BALBOA: This is what I like to dance when swing music gets FAST! Its a close embrace dance with the push and pull of swing, with the small crazy feet movement coordinated to a crazy fast song. 

BLUES: Oh, the blues! This is basically a dance for the wee am hours where everyone is a bit tuckered out from swing dancing but not willing to end the night. Its cool and hot all at once. Its a close dance that has the most opportunity for personal expression while still having the potential for the strongest connection without as many rules and boundaries as the other dances. It looks deceptively easy but the truth is, the best blues dancers have such awesome connections to their partners and to the music. Now this, is dreamy dancing (though Kizomba and Tango are close... I talk about them later). This dance speaks volumes in the smallest movements sometimes. I've had blues dances where I never made more than 2 steps forward or back with my partner and others where I've walked across the length of the dance floor. If you let it, this is the dance where the music speaks to lead and follow in different ways and both can have a beautiful conversation about it on the dance floor.

BACHATA: This dance stole my heart when I went on vacation with a group of friends in the Dominican. I was crazy into volleyball then and we had befriended the activity directors of the resort we stayed at. It turned out that the head of the group was a former volleyball player (he was good!) and the rest of the folks were a dance troupe called Chocolate. They taught us how to dance bachata and that's what started it all. I'm happy its grown so much in popularity! This music is the latin equivalent of swing music to me (even though the content is almost always about tragic love of some kind). I smile when I hear it and it draws me to dance no matter how tired I am. As I've danced it, I've been able to bring in elements from salsa and swing. I love that playfulness of 2 people being able to just do footwork while still being connected: its wonderful! You can dance close, you can dance apart, you can dance like tango ... ay, que rico!

TANGO: This dance has an elegance that is unparalleled. To me, it looks amazing and the connection captures what I sometime feel is the epitome of the interaction between a lady and her leading man.  This dance captures the elegance of  walking. It takes this mundane activity and brings it to new heights. Its dramatic, its subtle, its stylish. In the arms of a good lead, I feel like I'm walking on clouds. The lead and follow walk as one and to truly follow this dance, I have to just listen and focus on my partner. There's a stillness in the movement and a connection with my lead that is unmatched (in my view) by any other dance. 

KIZOMBA: This dance captured me because its got the elements of so many of the dances I've already talked about AND the music feels like the pulse of a heartbeat. Its a younger dance compared to all the others I've mentioned so it brings together elements of tango, bachata and blues. Danced in a close embrace, like a tango, it has less of tango's formal elegance. What this dance does have is that it captures the softness of the connection between a lead and follow. As I'm falling into my lead's embrace, I can feel the music pulse like a heart beat and when I'm in sync with my lead, its feels secure and comfortable in that embrace. I feel like I can just let myself go, moving in concert within this snuggly, comfortingly warm embrace and as the song progresses, it becomes more intimate: a dance to swoon about for sure. When I'm done dancing with someone who knows how to lead this dance, I always need a few seconds to acclimate myself back to 'reality'... mmm-hmm!

BELLY DANCING: This is not a partner dance but its on this list because learning to dance it has helped me to come into my own as a dancer. Belly dancing is HARD. Its teaching me to isolate body movements in ways that I never thought I could. As a consequence, its allowed me to more freely express myself as a woman and a dancer. I do not have the svelt, sleek body of a ballerina, nor do I have the voluptuous curves of say Jessica Rabbit.  It was hard for me to figure out what felt good, much less looked good when I danced these supposedly sensual dances. I felt really awkward doing a shimmy or any type of movement that was considered "sexy" or sensual because I thought I looked ridiculous. Learning to belly dance has basically taught me that every woman's body can move beautifully in its own way. I'm still a novice at it but its great fun.  The power of a shimmy, shoulder roll or a body roll when dancing is never to be underestimated and I have belly dancing to thank for that.

Closing Remarks...
There are many other dances that I've learned over the years (like cumbia, merengue, cha-cha, waltz, fox trot, two step... ) but the ones I've listed above are ones that I've invested a significant amount of time in or have made a significant impact in my life somehow and are the ones that I enjoy the most.

I'm lucky to be in Seattle - a city where all these communities of dance thrive and are so open and encouraging. The only small drawback is that these communities don't frequently intersect and so, I don't have enough days to do all the dancing I would want to.

I have a dream though, that I'll try to work on to see how far it goes: dancing heaven for me would be a place where I could dance all these dances with all my favorite dancers (leads and follow alike):

"Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing.

It's the rhythm of your life.

It's the expression in time and movement,

in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."

- Jaques D'ambroise

Letting Go

As a follow in partner dancing, I am faced with an interesting challenge: finding a balance between controlling my own movement and letting go to respond to my lead.

When dancing is at its best for me, I'm not thinking about what's next. I'm not counting or worrying about my technique or over-anticipating what the next move might be. I'm not even consciously focused on catching every lead. When I'm following at my best, I'm in a zone: my mind is open: actively taking everything in. My body though under control, is relaxed. There's no 'clutter' in my head. I'm alert but not tense. I am just dancing. There is simplicity in these moments: I hear the music, I see and feel and react to my partner’s movements to dance effortlessly with the song that’s guiding us both.

While learning to dance, I have learned that letting go allows me to be fully present in the moment. When I’m dancing I'm having so much fun. It’s reinforced for me, that when I let go, I have fun. In learning to be a better dancer and follow, I learned a lot about letting go.

What happens when I am fully present is that there is nothing to stress me out and I can truly engage and enjoy my dancing. It’s probably the closest thing to a perfect zen moment for me: the harmony of movement and music is my moment of joyful meditation. I’m lucky enough to have many such moments when I go out dancing.

To let go allows me the pleasure of having all my senses focused on the present moment. The past is done, with lessons captured and learned while the future is something to look forward to.

Here’s what I learned about letting go:

1) Breathe 
Breathing is essential but often taken for granted: it’s automatic. Letting go for me is often like a reset button. I find that focusing on breathing goes a long way to helping me reset. When I get tense, I start to stress: I think about my breathe and focus on taking in all that oxygen, filling my lungs, then exhaling slowly, pulling down my shoulders, letting some tension go. It helps me to relax which helps me to reset.

2) Have a Happy Thought Handy 
Smiling puts you at ease so I always have a happy thought handy. Some time ago, when things weren’t going quite so well in my life, I realized that my journal was filled with all this really sad, morose and melodramatic (really? I wrote that?!) stuff. I decided to devote my energies to remembering and immortalizing happy moments. So, I have a bunch of them always handy to whip out when things get a little rough. These memories are things that can automatically put a smile on my face. They remind me of what’s important which always puts me in the present moment and helps me to let go.

3) Be Responsible for Yourself 
Every dance has a basic set of rules and structure that you need to be responsible for. Know the music, know the basic step and know what the communication/connection with your partner entails. It’s just like learning a new language or subject; you need to understand that basic vocabulary to make the communication/connection work. Life is like that too – you can’t take on responsibility for things beyond your control. Letting go is all about accepting what’s within your realm of control and being responsible for it.

On Dancing Basics: Every dance will have its own set of rules and structures to follow but for me, they all have these things in common: Balance and Posture. If you work on understanding your body well enough that you can maintain your balance and posture when moving, this can only help you be a better dancer. 

4) Be Yourself: Trust Yourself 
No one is better at being you than you so why try to be like someone else? It’s great to have role models and to aspire to be as good as someone else BUT, you still have to be true to yourself. If you can't trust yourself then you won't be able to let go enough to take a lead from someone else. If you don't trust yourself you’ll be second guessing yourself every step of the way and you’ll never really understand who you are as a dancer and a person. The coolest part about letting go is you get to just be you. You're out there to have fun and enjoy the dancing and whatever aspects of life are out there to be relished.

5) Leave Mr. Critic and Ms Am-I-Good-Enough at the door 
It’s hard enough to engage in learning something that involves physical coordination. Now add to that the music and someone else who's lead you have to respond to. That's a lot all at once. I say, leave these two characters at the door. When Mr. Critic is telling you "better do it right" and Ms. Am-I-Good-Enough is whispering "don't mess it up!" it’s hard to focus on the now. If they're being stubborn about it, try focusing on breathing and smiling. Have a happy memory handy and better yet, find that guy or gal that you know that you’ll have a good dance with to reset: it’ll help you find that fun in what you’re doing which makes these two characters totally mute.

6) It’s just a dance and there's always another 
I don't spend time dwelling on bad dance because there is always another and I have so many good ones to feed my energy for the night. Every dance is different because of the music, because of who you're dancing with and where you are. Every night I’ve gone out dancing, there have always been those dances that just make me smile because they were just so good. Don’t let some poopy head ruin your dancing joy – its really not worth it.

7) When all Else Fails: Back to the Beginning 
When in doubt go back to the basics. If you trust that you are responsible for yourself and you find things are somewhat out of control, and then just stick to the basics. When you’re following and not quite sure that you are, clear out the styling, the fancy footwork and focus on the basic so that you can then focus on the lead. When you’re stressing out about dancing, remember why you do it: it’s supposed to be fun right?

8) LISTEN 
There's listening and then there's LISTENING. I’m not just talking about what you hear: LISTENING involves what you see and what you feel. It’s really more about engaging your senses - all of them. Being fully present allows you to get to that zen moment with as little friction as possible. If you're too caught up in the wrong thing, it will be easy for you to lose sight of your lead and miss a cue. If you're thinking about the mistake you just made or whether or not what you did was correct, then you are not paying attention to what's coming next. If you’re too worried about styling the arm, you’ll likely miss the next move.

9) Have fun and enjoy the ride 
Here’s the bonus that you get with letting go when you dance: the pure joy of the experience. It’s uncluttered and simply lovely. Who doesn’t want that all the time?

10) Trust in the Best Possible Outcome

There is power in positive thinking, you put your energies in a better place and it can only beget more of the same. I'm getting a little meta-physical here but I've never gone out to dance with a negative thought in mind. I may be tired or nervous or sleep-walking, but I'm looking forward to dancing because of how much fun it is. Have I had bad dances? Ofcourse! But rather than give power to that bad dance to cause me to fear dancing or shy away from it, I'll shrug it off and possibly learn how to avoid it in the future.

Parting Thought

I’ve used this quote before but I love it so I’ll put it here again as a parting thought:

"While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joy.”

Dancing Penalty

My musings often take time to organize and form into coherent thoughts in my head before I can write about them but this one in particular has had a chance to sit and stir for a while AND given some recent stirrings in my dance community about injuries on the dance floor (see an older relevant post about Casualties of Salsa), I thought this should be amusing enough to share.

In social dancing, there are a few offenses that diminish the joy of dancing for people. Some are minor, some are most foul. I really don't think any should have to be "put up with" and wondered how this could be discouraged without coming across like a total bitch or ego maniac. Then it came in a burst of inspiration - what about a penalty box for dancing?!

DANCING PENALTY SYSTEM: 
Any sport that involves scoring (volleyball, soccer, basketball to name a few) have penalty systems. Yellow cards or Red cards are awarded to teams that commit minor or major offenses resulting in a penalty which provides the guilty team with a disadvantage. The system I'm suggesting draws from my knowledge of penalty systems but modified for dancing. There is no referee other than the your dance partner or neighbors and I'm assuming that everyone is out dancing for the fun of it.

The other part about penalties is that they are visible and there's a "ceremony" around it. With this system, the "card" is a metaphor for something more visible like a t-shirt or arm band that says something like "dance with me at your own risk".

I'm sure my lists are far from complete so please feel free to share and add as you see fit!

YELLOW CARD: Minor Infractions
The yellow card is awarded to dancers who commit minor infractions. 2 minor infractions are the equivalent of a red card (see the next section). A yellow card is essentially a warning message to dancers and allows them a 2nd chance to correct themselves

Minor infractions consist of:
1) Bad Body Odor
2) Stepping into someone else's line when they are clearly dancing in it.
3) Dancing and not paying attention to your partner (aka showboating)
4) Asking for a dance, listening to the music and then apologizing for not knowing how to dance to the song. By then whoever you've asked has likely lost the chance to dance with someone else.
5) [For Leads] Exaggerated shaking of the arms and lots of excess motion that confuses the heck out of a follow in terms of what's coming next.
6) Taking BIG steps: bigger then you are led into and bigger than what your partner can handle
7) Grabbing someone's hand and just walking out to the dance floor without a "Hi!" or "Can I dance with you?" when its someone you don't know.
8) Not saying thank you (in some form) after the dance
9) Not dancing with your partner: this one get a little complicated but its basically implying that not everyone dances at the same level and you should dance (leads especially) to your partner's level. Follows, if you're with a beginner lead, don't do too much fancy footwork and styling because it'll throw them off.
10) Dancing off beat
11) Dropping your partner but with grace AND helping them up right away to avoid further embarrassment.
12) Leading your partner into someone else's path or line
13) Following where you're not supposed to go

RED CARD: Major Infractions
The red card is awarded instantly for any major infraction OR after the 2nd yellow card is issued. This results in the dancer having to sit out of dancing for at least 10 songs or 30 minutes. Ideally he / she can sit in the penalty box: an extremely visible location off the dance floor that is closed off so that folks who are dancing can easily see who's in the penalty box. Once their time is up, they are free to come back on the floor but any subsequent infraction will result in a Technical Foul.

Major Infractions consist of:
1) Bad Body Odor to the point where the neighboring couples around you are also impacted by your smell.
2) Unconsented groping of any kind
3) Non-stop spinning in the first three 8 counts of  a song: exception to this is if you know you're partner can handle it already. Its a red card when you do it to someone you don't know and haven't given them time to warm up to.
4) Self-Dipping to the point of not supporting your own weight (if you get dropped that's your fault) If your partner doesn't assist you, they get a red card too.
5) Injury to your dance partner or neighboring dancer resulting in a that dancer having to stop dancing for a few seconds. If they can't dance at all - that's a Technical!
6) The "grip of death" which can result in injury to your partner.
7) Unsolicited teaching on the social dance floor
8) Not apologizing for major collisions on the dance floor: a major collision is one that results in the dancer stopping altogether because they've been knocked off balance or are in pain or in shock/disoriented.
9) Complex tricks on a follow who is clearly a beginner.
10) Stepping onto a crowded dance floor drink in hand and expecting the dancers to get out of your way.
11) Dropping your partner causing a serious bump or bruise or stop in their dancing. If you don't apologize or try to help, that's a Technical.
12) Taking up too much space on a crowded social dance floor.
13) Hogging your dance partner for multiple dances and not even giving them the opportunity to say yes to dancing again by just dancing with them and not letting them go.
14) Using too much force in the lead (likely resulting in injury to your dance partner)
15) Stopping to talk in the middle of a crowded social dance floor: if you want to talk, step off to the side, don't stop in the middle of a space occupied by so many people in motion!
16) Asking someone to teach you how to dance on the social dance floor, especially if you don't know them.

TECHNICAL FOUL: You're OUT!
This is an offense that is basically not tolerated in social dance circles and results in the offender being kicked out of the dance hall/location. If one has already received a 2nd red card, then that is also grounds for a Technical.
1) Telling someone that they suck at dancing in a social dancing situation.
2) Executing a complex dip with a partner that is clearly NOT ready for it
3) Aerials on a crowded dance floor (really?): BOTH partners are out in this case, one of you should know better.
4) When you can't even stand up straight because you're too drunk
5) Dropping your partner causing major injury
6) Telling someone that they shouldn't be dancing
7) Playing bump-em cars with everyone around you multiple times in the same song.
8) Crossing over your partner's personal space after they've indicated where that boundary is
9) Making someone cry on the dance floor
10) Rude, raucous and disruptive behavior

The Dance Crush

Ah! So sweet, exciting, exhilarating, that scintillating feeling: dancing with your dance crush!

Social Partner Dancing is one big "flirt fest": its a celebration of movement and music with someone of the opposite sex (or role) and oh-la-la! how much fun it is with the added thrill of a crush.

And just who is the Dance Crush?
He's the guy who makes your face light up when he walks in the room... or the gal that makes your heat beat just a little faster when you see her. The dance crush is a dancer you've made a "mwah!" dance connection with on the dance floor. On top of that, he or she has caught your eye because there's something extra that you like about them:  something about a smile, a swagger, a sway, a certain je ne sais quoi that you can't quite put your finger on.

When you see your dance crush different things happen: your mind goes blank, your inner giddy school girl or spazzy geeky boy emerges. Forces of attraction conspire to make you orbit nearby. Sometimes you'll stick our your chest and want to preen like a peacock to show off your 'skillz'. Sometimes you giggle at every little thing and get all googley eyed. Sometimes you just spaz out from nerves. Sometimes you get weak in the knees (and boy! am I glad I'm a follow because at least, he's holding me up when that happens). Sometimes that slap happy smile (or grin) is just plastered on your face.

Its a thrill to be near your dance crush (oh, my beating heart!) and yearning when you're not (sigh!). Admire from afar if you wish but wait! There's this thing that you both do - dancing. What a perfect excuse to have them close. You're happy when they're near and then not so much when they're far.  A crush can be a doorway to something more if its mutual or temporary, a thrill to enjoy.

Crushes come and go and I've been lucky enough to befriend some of my former crushes and we continue to have great dances. I know because of the close proximity of dancing, that can create bonds and feelings of attraction (oxytocins) but these crushes are just a little bit different with a quality that's got a wee bit more on top of that dance connection. Here are some snippets or moments of "crushing" on someone:

I notice him as he dances with someone I know: someone new I haven't seen before. He looks good and he's smiling and having a great time. A few songs later, he walks up to me and offers a hand as he asks me to dance and then when we start, he sings with the band and oh my - what a voice! oooh! (swoon) I'm done for - the connection is very sweet and there's  a serenade to accompany it.... heaven!

He's got looks, and moves: we have a good connection but he looks so serious, focused. I catch his eye and smile and he relaxes and smiles back. Oh my! What a smile! I'm done for, a new dance crush. I start to style and he smiles even more. Before you know it, we've danced the next 3 songs. 

I'm walking outside, about to leave and he stops me on the side walk  and says "Are you leaving already?" I stop and talk and realize the bands not done. I decide to return and he walks me in "Save me a dance, I'll come find you." I find my friends (they were late) and start to dance. In a few minutes, he finds me "There you are, let's dance!" He's smooth and attentive, he feels the music so well, I close my eyes as he leads me to a soulful jazzy tune. The song ends and he says "That was lovely, thanks for saving me the dance." and inside, I swoon.


"I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control 
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze...knocks me right off of my feet"
~from the song Weak by JoJo

A tribute to all my dance crushes: current, former and yet to come.

No matter how you cut it, the dance crush is a slice of sweetness whenever they're near; you get a high when you see them and even more so when you're dancing with them.

The room seems brighter, the mood lighter

Problems? worries? what are those?

A big smile: can't help it, shining, beaming 

or sly like a secret - I hope no one notices

My best friend comes over, I barely say "hi !"

I only have eyes for my dance crush.

Large, wide eyed

I hope I'm not drooling

or looking a fool 

for openly staring and stealing looks

Trying to be calm, be cool, be coy...

Easy does it, don't let it loose

but Oh-my-god! Did you see that? A smile, for me!

So fine, so divine

Can I get a dance? Will he ask me? Will she say yes?

So delicious, 

Supercaligrafilisticexpealidotious!

I'm swept off my feet

I dance like I'm the best there is

I pray no mistakes please

Whoosh! a Rush!

so sweet, I smile - another dance perchance?

the music stops...he leaves, she leaves

I sigh

Till the next time

AND if you're not quite sure you have a dance crush, here are 10 signs that you do!

Shall We Dance?

Asking someone to dance can be a challenging prospect. After all, putting yourself out there, open to rejection, is never an easy thing to do.

I'm writing to share my thoughts on who should be doing the asking and how to respond. One of the best ways to improve your dancing is to get out of the classroom and onto the social dance floor. One of the biggest hurdles to social dancing (especially for a beginner or someone new) is the daunting thought of asking someone for a dance. I offer some thoughts, tips and entertainment to those of you interested in the topic.

[A small digression]"Shall We Dance?"
For me, this phrase is inextricably tied my childhood memory of a song in the movie The King and I (1956) with Yul Brynner as the King and Deborah Kerr as Ana. The King had just seen a polka and Ana explains the dance with a song. He is supposed to be learning western ways and he asks her to teach him about the dance. [ Check it out through this youtube link. ] The scene demonstrates the joy of learning a new close dance and a little bit about the romance in dancing.. sigh! I had a big crush on Yul Brynner ...
[ok, back to the topic at hand]

WHO SHOULD BE ASKING?
I've often been asked why follows don't ask leads to dance more. In this modern day of feminism, it seems to be expected or taken for granted that its perfectly fine for follows to ask a lead to dance.

Here's an indisputable fact: there are 2 roles in Social Partner dancing - a LEAD and a FOLLOW.

A LEAD initiates the movements, provides direction during the dance, sets the tone for the dance, gives their follow's the cues on what to do next and make sure that the follows are taken care of on the dance floor. A FOLLOW responds to the directions of the lead, enhances wherever possible, oftentimes inspiring the LEAD and completes the movement of the dance. LEAD, then FOLLOW.

So, who should be asking? LEADs

"C'mon! At this day and age, women should also feel free to ask the guy to dance!"

Yes, that's true. Certainly when there are good friends around, a simple "hi!" is synonymous with "let's dance!". BUT, if you just think about the 2 roles: LEADS initiate. Its really that simple.

I remember something an instructor said in a workshop (the instructor is a lead): "Leads, MAN UP! When you see ladies waiting on the side, don't wait for them to ask you to dance, step up, ask them to dance and lead them to the dance floor!"

Easier said than done right?

LEADS
There's a lot to do: the pressure, the stress of having to think of the moves, take care of the follow, etc.

BUT - here's the bottom line: it's your perogative! You can choose to ask anyone you wish! Sure, they might say no, but you do the asking and can determine you're dance card for the night.

General Guidelines:

• Be nice, smile and introduce yourself. [check out simple rules for social dancing ]
• If you're not sure, watch 1st before asking (that applies to the music too! Listen before you ask.)
• Emulate confidence: even if you're not quite sure what you're doing, confidence can be the difference between a great dance and an ordinary one. So what if you only know 4 sequences?  Dance them with relish and smile!
• When your out of  town, try not to be a snob against your fellow "townies": I've travelled to other congresses with folks from my own city and I sometimes hear "I'm not dancing with anyone from [insert home city here]" because they're so excited to dance with new people. I'd just like to point out that starting the night out with a fantastic dance with someone you know can help you both! You can both "strut" you stuff and show off your follow in a room full of strangers and they'll all want to dance with you (and your follow). [Yup - this one applies to follow's too.]
• Don't make a lame excuse about a follow being so busy you couldn't ask them to dance. Here's a universal truth: if one wants something bad enough, they'll make it happen.
• Sometimes, you just get a lemon: keep remembering, its only a few minutes, let it roll off your back and find a good follow/friend to dance with after that to get you back on track.
• Sometime, you just get a lemon with a live band: ok, this takes longer... so wait for for the song to go for a few minutes before you ask a total stranger to dance with live bands. They've been known to play 15 minute songs and that can be an eternity sometimes... just let it roll off your back.
• Don't be a dance hog - unless of course, she's ready and willing. Dancing multiple songs one after the other can be misconstrued as rude. I think its polite to dance multiple dances with someone, especially if you had a great dance to begin with, but, don't monopolize the follow's time. You can always ask them to dance again later.

FOLLOWS
As a follow, I don't do a lot of asking because I strongly believe for the dance to be successful, it relies a lot on the LEADS initiative right from the get go. There are exceptions of course, with good friends and people I'm familiar with, I greet them with a warm hello and they'll ask me to dance if they're so inclined. If not, no sweat. If I really want a dance with a friend, I'll ask if they don't.

Most leads tell me that it should be easy for a follow to ask a lead to dance: what guy would say no to a girl? Believe me, leads have turned follows down before. Skip to the "Never Assume" section below to make sure you don't take it to heart.

Follows, if you do ask the leads, I suggest doing it sparsely. I think that if you establish yourself as one that asks, then you don't get asked to dance. If its working for you though, by all means continue (go girl!) - see my universal truth below.

At the risk of giving away some feminine wiles, here are some ways to "invite" the guys to ask:

• As you see a lead dancing to them music on his own, catch his eye and start jamming along with him. Anyone that into dancing will see you dancing and its highly likely that you'll end up dancing together
• A warm smile and hello does wonders, especially if you reach out with both hands to great them.
• Never look like a wall flower: I know this is hard when you're in a new place by yourself. Smile, dance to the music, walk around and find the "advanced corner" and enjoy the show. When you look like you're enjoying the music, you'll get asked to dance.
• When you catch someone's eye that you want to dance with, just give them a big smile and slightly incline your head towards the dance floor - that's usually a good enough hint.

RESPONDING
My universal rule: do what your heart tells you, without disrespecting those around you - especially with something as fun as dancing.

Accompaniment to my universal rule: don't take anything personally, its just a dance.

My personal policy is that I will dance with everyone at least once unless I've been warned ahead of time that the person is too drunk to hold himself up or is clearly not there for the dancing. I feel strongly that everyone has to start somewhere and I don't want to discourage people from dancing if I can help it.

There's always this "stigma" when you turn someone down. In the end, its just a dance and not some vital judgement on the character of a person. Here are something to consider when you do ask someone and they say "No."

Never Assume
There are always 2 sides to every story (and sometimes more as it gets retold by others). If you get rejected when asking someone to dance, don't dwell on it too much or read too much into it! There are too many reasons why someone would say no in that moment and life is much better if you let it roll of your back and move on.

Here's what I suggest: Don't take the rejection personally!

• Don't come up with some story about why they said no. For all you know, the lady is pregnant and very tired and here you thought she hated your dancing.
• Don't feel bad if you see the person dancing with someone else: they could be partners, boyfriends, best friends. Its not about you in that case, its between them.
• Don't let it ruin your dance night.
• If its someone you'd really like to dance with then ask again later but don't be a "stalker" I'd say after being rejected 3 times - move on!
• When they say "next dance" assume they mean in it and come to find them. If they're not there, move on, if they are, well, you know what to do.

On the subject of saying "No"
I'm not advocating that one has to say "yes" every time one is asked for a dance. Follows/Leads if you're not up for it than just be polite and respectful: a simple "No Thank you" should suffice. Don't promise the next dance if you don't want to. Don't try to make an excuse.

Do I like getting rejected? No, but the truth is, I have no control over what other people do and I do have control over what I do. So, I'm suggesting that you develop a thicker skin and not dwell on the rejection. 

When all is said and done: do not to let some poopy head ruin the joy of dancing for you! Stay true to yourself, dancing is so much fun (here's why I love it) - enjoy it.

Retreat

Retreat: removing oneself from day to day life to focus on something  else, usually spiritual or self-discovery.

I'm on the tail end of my latest vacation - a Salsa and Yoga Retreat in Oaxaca, Mexico (you can check it out the link to the right -> ) If you're even wondering if its worth it to try - STOP. It IS.

In the last 9 days, I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to now some wonderful people that I hope to stay in touch with and see again. I've been bitten by mosquitoes and other small critters (ay!). I've eaten some amazing food and drank hot chocolate evey night. I've danced with some amazing dancers, worked on my own dancing and helped others with theirs I've returned to Oaxaca to see it lush and green and teeming with beautiful flowers amidst the colorful decorations of Mexican bi-centennial independence. 

Its my last day here in Mexico and I have one more adventure left - a temezcal spa treatment to "cleanse" me as I get ready to return to "reality".

My flickr photo blog will soon be flooded with the many pictures I've taken but before that happens, I thought I'd at least share some highlights from my trip.

I realized the bug spray has an expiration ... basically, one needs to spray every 4 hours or so before the bugs work up the courage to come back and bite you again.

Dancing is so joyful - I knew this already. I was able to just dive into it everyday, share it with old and new friends alike and watch everyone blossom as they too immersed in the dance.

There are so many stories to hear and share with people - even ones that I consider close friends. Time is always well spent when you start to share more and more of yourself, with people you trust and enjoy.

Oaxaca is a land of so many wonderful treasures: from the food, to the chocolate (yes, a class of its own), to the people, to the colorful windows and doorways, to the various flora and fauna that are thriving, now that the rains have come.

Lying in a hammock under the shade of trees, reading is a wonderful thing...I wish I could put a hammock in my 1 bedroom apartment back in Seattle.

Casa Colonial

Eating out after Salsa dancing is universal! I had my 1st taste of Mexican pizza at 4am on the streets of Oaxaca.

Mexican Chocolate: with milk, with coffee, just smelling it - warms my soul


I've had the pleasure to meet and befriend some wonderful women who I hope to see again soon in Seattle, in San Francisco and who-knows-where-else :D

Corn covered in mayonnaise, cheese, cayenne pepper and lime juice is AMAZING.

Dancing in the crowded floor at La Candela was incredibly casualty free.

I am still surprised by how infectious my joy in dancing can be: if everyone danced, this world we live in would be so wonderfully different.

Dancing is ageless; you can come to it at any time in your life and still enjoy it as much as if you danced all your life.

I wish I could continue, doing yoga for an hour, dancing 2-3 hours of salsa (or some other dance) everyday... despite the humidity and the bugs.

I'm lucky though, when I get back home, I'll have the comfort of my bed, no more bugs to contend with, will still have dancing to look forward to (oh yes!) and my family to laugh and hug again. I'll even bring back chocolate from Oaxaca so I can enjoy that for a little bit longer.

Almost everyone that came to the retreat has left... its quite and somewhat lonely but I'm happy and content.

The 1st trip to Oaxaca transformed my dancing and helped me take it "up a notch". I met one of my best friends on that trip. This 2nd time around is no different.

I'm sad to leave this wonderful place but I'm excited for the new friends I've made (we'll see each other again).

Salsa Retreat Sept. 2010 and Tumbao Instructors