The Dance Crush

Ah! So sweet, exciting, exhilarating, that scintillating feeling: dancing with your dance crush!

Social Partner Dancing is one big "flirt fest": its a celebration of movement and music with someone of the opposite sex (or role) and oh-la-la! how much fun it is with the added thrill of a crush.

And just who is the Dance Crush?
He's the guy who makes your face light up when he walks in the room... or the gal that makes your heat beat just a little faster when you see her. The dance crush is a dancer you've made a "mwah!" dance connection with on the dance floor. On top of that, he or she has caught your eye because there's something extra that you like about them:  something about a smile, a swagger, a sway, a certain je ne sais quoi that you can't quite put your finger on.

When you see your dance crush different things happen: your mind goes blank, your inner giddy school girl or spazzy geeky boy emerges. Forces of attraction conspire to make you orbit nearby. Sometimes you'll stick our your chest and want to preen like a peacock to show off your 'skillz'. Sometimes you giggle at every little thing and get all googley eyed. Sometimes you just spaz out from nerves. Sometimes you get weak in the knees (and boy! am I glad I'm a follow because at least, he's holding me up when that happens). Sometimes that slap happy smile (or grin) is just plastered on your face.

Its a thrill to be near your dance crush (oh, my beating heart!) and yearning when you're not (sigh!). Admire from afar if you wish but wait! There's this thing that you both do - dancing. What a perfect excuse to have them close. You're happy when they're near and then not so much when they're far.  A crush can be a doorway to something more if its mutual or temporary, a thrill to enjoy.

Crushes come and go and I've been lucky enough to befriend some of my former crushes and we continue to have great dances. I know because of the close proximity of dancing, that can create bonds and feelings of attraction (oxytocins) but these crushes are just a little bit different with a quality that's got a wee bit more on top of that dance connection. Here are some snippets or moments of "crushing" on someone:

I notice him as he dances with someone I know: someone new I haven't seen before. He looks good and he's smiling and having a great time. A few songs later, he walks up to me and offers a hand as he asks me to dance and then when we start, he sings with the band and oh my - what a voice! oooh! (swoon) I'm done for - the connection is very sweet and there's  a serenade to accompany it.... heaven!

He's got looks, and moves: we have a good connection but he looks so serious, focused. I catch his eye and smile and he relaxes and smiles back. Oh my! What a smile! I'm done for, a new dance crush. I start to style and he smiles even more. Before you know it, we've danced the next 3 songs. 

I'm walking outside, about to leave and he stops me on the side walk  and says "Are you leaving already?" I stop and talk and realize the bands not done. I decide to return and he walks me in "Save me a dance, I'll come find you." I find my friends (they were late) and start to dance. In a few minutes, he finds me "There you are, let's dance!" He's smooth and attentive, he feels the music so well, I close my eyes as he leads me to a soulful jazzy tune. The song ends and he says "That was lovely, thanks for saving me the dance." and inside, I swoon.


"I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control 
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze...knocks me right off of my feet"
~from the song Weak by JoJo

A tribute to all my dance crushes: current, former and yet to come.

No matter how you cut it, the dance crush is a slice of sweetness whenever they're near; you get a high when you see them and even more so when you're dancing with them.

The room seems brighter, the mood lighter

Problems? worries? what are those?

A big smile: can't help it, shining, beaming 

or sly like a secret - I hope no one notices

My best friend comes over, I barely say "hi !"

I only have eyes for my dance crush.

Large, wide eyed

I hope I'm not drooling

or looking a fool 

for openly staring and stealing looks

Trying to be calm, be cool, be coy...

Easy does it, don't let it loose

but Oh-my-god! Did you see that? A smile, for me!

So fine, so divine

Can I get a dance? Will he ask me? Will she say yes?

So delicious, 

Supercaligrafilisticexpealidotious!

I'm swept off my feet

I dance like I'm the best there is

I pray no mistakes please

Whoosh! a Rush!

so sweet, I smile - another dance perchance?

the music stops...he leaves, she leaves

I sigh

Till the next time

AND if you're not quite sure you have a dance crush, here are 10 signs that you do!

Shall We Dance?

Asking someone to dance can be a challenging prospect. After all, putting yourself out there, open to rejection, is never an easy thing to do.

I'm writing to share my thoughts on who should be doing the asking and how to respond. One of the best ways to improve your dancing is to get out of the classroom and onto the social dance floor. One of the biggest hurdles to social dancing (especially for a beginner or someone new) is the daunting thought of asking someone for a dance. I offer some thoughts, tips and entertainment to those of you interested in the topic.

[A small digression]"Shall We Dance?"
For me, this phrase is inextricably tied my childhood memory of a song in the movie The King and I (1956) with Yul Brynner as the King and Deborah Kerr as Ana. The King had just seen a polka and Ana explains the dance with a song. He is supposed to be learning western ways and he asks her to teach him about the dance. [ Check it out through this youtube link. ] The scene demonstrates the joy of learning a new close dance and a little bit about the romance in dancing.. sigh! I had a big crush on Yul Brynner ...
[ok, back to the topic at hand]

WHO SHOULD BE ASKING?
I've often been asked why follows don't ask leads to dance more. In this modern day of feminism, it seems to be expected or taken for granted that its perfectly fine for follows to ask a lead to dance.

Here's an indisputable fact: there are 2 roles in Social Partner dancing - a LEAD and a FOLLOW.

A LEAD initiates the movements, provides direction during the dance, sets the tone for the dance, gives their follow's the cues on what to do next and make sure that the follows are taken care of on the dance floor. A FOLLOW responds to the directions of the lead, enhances wherever possible, oftentimes inspiring the LEAD and completes the movement of the dance. LEAD, then FOLLOW.

So, who should be asking? LEADs

"C'mon! At this day and age, women should also feel free to ask the guy to dance!"

Yes, that's true. Certainly when there are good friends around, a simple "hi!" is synonymous with "let's dance!". BUT, if you just think about the 2 roles: LEADS initiate. Its really that simple.

I remember something an instructor said in a workshop (the instructor is a lead): "Leads, MAN UP! When you see ladies waiting on the side, don't wait for them to ask you to dance, step up, ask them to dance and lead them to the dance floor!"

Easier said than done right?

LEADS
There's a lot to do: the pressure, the stress of having to think of the moves, take care of the follow, etc.

BUT - here's the bottom line: it's your perogative! You can choose to ask anyone you wish! Sure, they might say no, but you do the asking and can determine you're dance card for the night.

General Guidelines:

• Be nice, smile and introduce yourself. [check out simple rules for social dancing ]
• If you're not sure, watch 1st before asking (that applies to the music too! Listen before you ask.)
• Emulate confidence: even if you're not quite sure what you're doing, confidence can be the difference between a great dance and an ordinary one. So what if you only know 4 sequences?  Dance them with relish and smile!
• When your out of  town, try not to be a snob against your fellow "townies": I've travelled to other congresses with folks from my own city and I sometimes hear "I'm not dancing with anyone from [insert home city here]" because they're so excited to dance with new people. I'd just like to point out that starting the night out with a fantastic dance with someone you know can help you both! You can both "strut" you stuff and show off your follow in a room full of strangers and they'll all want to dance with you (and your follow). [Yup - this one applies to follow's too.]
• Don't make a lame excuse about a follow being so busy you couldn't ask them to dance. Here's a universal truth: if one wants something bad enough, they'll make it happen.
• Sometimes, you just get a lemon: keep remembering, its only a few minutes, let it roll off your back and find a good follow/friend to dance with after that to get you back on track.
• Sometime, you just get a lemon with a live band: ok, this takes longer... so wait for for the song to go for a few minutes before you ask a total stranger to dance with live bands. They've been known to play 15 minute songs and that can be an eternity sometimes... just let it roll off your back.
• Don't be a dance hog - unless of course, she's ready and willing. Dancing multiple songs one after the other can be misconstrued as rude. I think its polite to dance multiple dances with someone, especially if you had a great dance to begin with, but, don't monopolize the follow's time. You can always ask them to dance again later.

FOLLOWS
As a follow, I don't do a lot of asking because I strongly believe for the dance to be successful, it relies a lot on the LEADS initiative right from the get go. There are exceptions of course, with good friends and people I'm familiar with, I greet them with a warm hello and they'll ask me to dance if they're so inclined. If not, no sweat. If I really want a dance with a friend, I'll ask if they don't.

Most leads tell me that it should be easy for a follow to ask a lead to dance: what guy would say no to a girl? Believe me, leads have turned follows down before. Skip to the "Never Assume" section below to make sure you don't take it to heart.

Follows, if you do ask the leads, I suggest doing it sparsely. I think that if you establish yourself as one that asks, then you don't get asked to dance. If its working for you though, by all means continue (go girl!) - see my universal truth below.

At the risk of giving away some feminine wiles, here are some ways to "invite" the guys to ask:

• As you see a lead dancing to them music on his own, catch his eye and start jamming along with him. Anyone that into dancing will see you dancing and its highly likely that you'll end up dancing together
• A warm smile and hello does wonders, especially if you reach out with both hands to great them.
• Never look like a wall flower: I know this is hard when you're in a new place by yourself. Smile, dance to the music, walk around and find the "advanced corner" and enjoy the show. When you look like you're enjoying the music, you'll get asked to dance.
• When you catch someone's eye that you want to dance with, just give them a big smile and slightly incline your head towards the dance floor - that's usually a good enough hint.

RESPONDING
My universal rule: do what your heart tells you, without disrespecting those around you - especially with something as fun as dancing.

Accompaniment to my universal rule: don't take anything personally, its just a dance.

My personal policy is that I will dance with everyone at least once unless I've been warned ahead of time that the person is too drunk to hold himself up or is clearly not there for the dancing. I feel strongly that everyone has to start somewhere and I don't want to discourage people from dancing if I can help it.

There's always this "stigma" when you turn someone down. In the end, its just a dance and not some vital judgement on the character of a person. Here are something to consider when you do ask someone and they say "No."

Never Assume
There are always 2 sides to every story (and sometimes more as it gets retold by others). If you get rejected when asking someone to dance, don't dwell on it too much or read too much into it! There are too many reasons why someone would say no in that moment and life is much better if you let it roll of your back and move on.

Here's what I suggest: Don't take the rejection personally!

• Don't come up with some story about why they said no. For all you know, the lady is pregnant and very tired and here you thought she hated your dancing.
• Don't feel bad if you see the person dancing with someone else: they could be partners, boyfriends, best friends. Its not about you in that case, its between them.
• Don't let it ruin your dance night.
• If its someone you'd really like to dance with then ask again later but don't be a "stalker" I'd say after being rejected 3 times - move on!
• When they say "next dance" assume they mean in it and come to find them. If they're not there, move on, if they are, well, you know what to do.

On the subject of saying "No"
I'm not advocating that one has to say "yes" every time one is asked for a dance. Follows/Leads if you're not up for it than just be polite and respectful: a simple "No Thank you" should suffice. Don't promise the next dance if you don't want to. Don't try to make an excuse.

Do I like getting rejected? No, but the truth is, I have no control over what other people do and I do have control over what I do. So, I'm suggesting that you develop a thicker skin and not dwell on the rejection. 

When all is said and done: do not to let some poopy head ruin the joy of dancing for you! Stay true to yourself, dancing is so much fun (here's why I love it) - enjoy it.

Retreat

Retreat: removing oneself from day to day life to focus on something  else, usually spiritual or self-discovery.

I'm on the tail end of my latest vacation - a Salsa and Yoga Retreat in Oaxaca, Mexico (you can check it out the link to the right -> ) If you're even wondering if its worth it to try - STOP. It IS.

In the last 9 days, I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to now some wonderful people that I hope to stay in touch with and see again. I've been bitten by mosquitoes and other small critters (ay!). I've eaten some amazing food and drank hot chocolate evey night. I've danced with some amazing dancers, worked on my own dancing and helped others with theirs I've returned to Oaxaca to see it lush and green and teeming with beautiful flowers amidst the colorful decorations of Mexican bi-centennial independence. 

Its my last day here in Mexico and I have one more adventure left - a temezcal spa treatment to "cleanse" me as I get ready to return to "reality".

My flickr photo blog will soon be flooded with the many pictures I've taken but before that happens, I thought I'd at least share some highlights from my trip.

I realized the bug spray has an expiration ... basically, one needs to spray every 4 hours or so before the bugs work up the courage to come back and bite you again.

Dancing is so joyful - I knew this already. I was able to just dive into it everyday, share it with old and new friends alike and watch everyone blossom as they too immersed in the dance.

There are so many stories to hear and share with people - even ones that I consider close friends. Time is always well spent when you start to share more and more of yourself, with people you trust and enjoy.

Oaxaca is a land of so many wonderful treasures: from the food, to the chocolate (yes, a class of its own), to the people, to the colorful windows and doorways, to the various flora and fauna that are thriving, now that the rains have come.

Lying in a hammock under the shade of trees, reading is a wonderful thing...I wish I could put a hammock in my 1 bedroom apartment back in Seattle.

Casa Colonial

Eating out after Salsa dancing is universal! I had my 1st taste of Mexican pizza at 4am on the streets of Oaxaca.

Mexican Chocolate: with milk, with coffee, just smelling it - warms my soul


I've had the pleasure to meet and befriend some wonderful women who I hope to see again soon in Seattle, in San Francisco and who-knows-where-else :D

Corn covered in mayonnaise, cheese, cayenne pepper and lime juice is AMAZING.

Dancing in the crowded floor at La Candela was incredibly casualty free.

I am still surprised by how infectious my joy in dancing can be: if everyone danced, this world we live in would be so wonderfully different.

Dancing is ageless; you can come to it at any time in your life and still enjoy it as much as if you danced all your life.

I wish I could continue, doing yoga for an hour, dancing 2-3 hours of salsa (or some other dance) everyday... despite the humidity and the bugs.

I'm lucky though, when I get back home, I'll have the comfort of my bed, no more bugs to contend with, will still have dancing to look forward to (oh yes!) and my family to laugh and hug again. I'll even bring back chocolate from Oaxaca so I can enjoy that for a little bit longer.

Almost everyone that came to the retreat has left... its quite and somewhat lonely but I'm happy and content.

The 1st trip to Oaxaca transformed my dancing and helped me take it "up a notch". I met one of my best friends on that trip. This 2nd time around is no different.

I'm sad to leave this wonderful place but I'm excited for the new friends I've made (we'll see each other again).

Salsa Retreat Sept. 2010 and Tumbao Instructors

Change

One of my favorite venues for salsa dancing got a new home this week. Boy, did that stir the pot!

Having been through many major changes in my life, I am of the mind that change, while difficult, is a good thing in the long run. I attribute that to the suprising adaptability of the human spirit or the belief that things happen for a reason to ensure progress for the better or some combination of the two.

If there is one thing that change does do without fail is that it triggers re-examination of likes, dislikes, what's important, what's not and what one desires. It challenges you especially when its unexpected or unplanned and it can bring out the worst or the best in people that are affected. It also brings out fear which has a funny way of changing your judgement: something that was not that good (AND that you've complained about) but familiar, becomes that much better by comparison.

Reactions are varied: some embrace it wholeheartedly (going with the flow), some are repelled by it (resisting it when they can) and others, just like the turtle racing the hare, take things slowly but surely and adapt to it.

So, what's the change that triggered this writing then?

THE COMFORTABLE FAMILIAR THING:
Every Monday night, there's a salsa practica at a place called Halo. Its located in Capitol Hill in Seattle (WA). Its housed in a building with a yoga studio. The most prominent display on the block is a a costume store. The space has a wooden floor for dancing and wall space to promote art from local artists. There are rolling mirrors and wall mirrors, fans in set corners to help cool things down when needed and speakers situated around the room.

Monday night Salsa at Halo, to me felt like a local neighborhood pub (kind of like Cheers) for salsa dancers. Its a place that invited all levels of experience. The beginner dancer can come and enjoy the dance with less stress and pressure than going to a dance club. The experienced dancer enjoys the informal atmosphere. Its a great way to start the week - the venue opens by 7:30pm and ends by 11:00pm so its not that late for a week night. A variety of salsa styles come to dance: on1, mambo, casino and rueda de casino. In my humble opinion, it is the most welcoming place for any salsa beginner to get their feet wet with social dancing. The ambiance was homey, comfortable, welcoming and most of all familiar.

This past week, Halo Practica's moved to East Hall, located in the another building a few blocks away that houses the main ballroom, where salsa is taught and danced in on other nights of the week.

THE CHANGE:
East Hall is now the new location for Monday night Salsa Practica.
East Hall is slightly smaller, more rectangular in shape [a difference of about 100 square feet]
There are no poles in the space to dance around (or with)
There are high ceilings in the new space
There is no yoga studio next door that puts a constraint on sound volume in the beginning of the night.
There is air-conditioning (though it wasn't operating on the 1st night)
The lighting is much brighter (there are some lighting changes to come)
The DJ booth is an actual booth and not just a table with equipment
There are nice benched on one side with shelves to store shoes on another. On one side there are windows mounted on the wall. By comparison, at Halo, there was an eclectic mix of sofa/chaises/folding chairs/side tables and lamps. (I believe there are more furniture additions to come into East Hall.)
The sound was a bit muffled because of the high ceilings (there are some changes on the way to fix that: curtains/fabric to hang from the ceilings) while at Halo, it was too quiet to hear because it had to be set to a lower volume so as not to disturb the yoga studio.
There were no "spots" or "corners" established yet: every dance hall has that "advanced corner" or that "beginner corner" or some other group's corner... because this place was new and very hot, the only "corners" were the "cooling corners" where the fans were located.

THE REACTIONS:
Opening night was PACKED! it got off to a slow start but in the end, there were lots of people, more than usual and lots of newbies and regulars made for a fantastically HOT (in all ways) night of dancing.

From my perspective, its wasn't the actual physical place that was important, it was the community that I fell into (still there) that I enjoyed. Now, I haven't been around as long as some other people in the community have been, so perhaps my attachment to the "old pub" just wasn't established yet. I kind of feel like the place got a make-over which is all good.

What follows are quotes from people about the new space and some descriptions peppered with my commentary [bracketed in italics] just to show you how varied the response was. I am not judging anything by writing them here, merely stating what I heard and my reactions where applicable.

"Its free so I came and if the dancing is going to be as good as it is tonight, I'm coming back for sure."

"Its too bright in here"

"The space is a LOT smaller" [Actually no, Halo was squarish and East Hall is a rectangle and besides, Halo had these beams that got in the way.]

"I miss those beams: I used them to dance" [???!!! apparently dancers used the beams as support or a prop to dancing or as a boundary so no one else and "cut into the slot" when is crowded!]

"The sound is bad" [But wasn't it just as bad, if not worse at Halo? I mean we couldn't turn up the volume till past 9!]

In the old space, there was a geography to learn about which groups of dancers hovered in which areas. In this new space nothing was claimed but the speculations on who would hang out where have already begun.

"I just liked Halo... I miss it already"

"This isn't bad, as long as they fix the AC"

"Its crowded tonight." [um, yes, Halo got crowded too... besides, tonight is free remember?]

"Do you think they will go back to Halo if nobody likes it?"

"We have to find a new place to go eat afterward" [This part is true, the group got somewhat splintered though my little group ended up finding a fantastic NY Style Pizza joint - yummy!]

MY OWN TAKE:
My own reaction was positive overall. I had a fantastic night of dancing with folks that I regularly see as well as some folks I hadn't seen in a while (apparently the free night brought them out). There were some interesting interactions and I loved the new space because of the high ceilings and the fact that there were no poles to deal with. The heat was a bit much, but the old space was just as bad last summer, at least from what I remember. I got one of the best compliments about my dancing from a total stranger and some of the sweetest ones from people that I already know and dance with a lot.

PARTING THOUGHTS:
Change is inevitable. I think its a necessary stimulus that can produce some of life's best work. Its never easy though, especially when the change involves something you are comfortable with or really love.

There was a time in my life when change scared me. I thought it far easier to resist and stay where I was. The truth was that staying in place was tiring and I found that when I let go, accepted the changes and looked for the positive opportunities that were there, lo and behold, there they were. I mean I still get afraid but I know that I'll be ok so the fear doesn't take over as much as it used to.

In the end, I trust myself and the people I interact with in a meaningful way. I believe that the universe at large generates flows that lead you to what's best for you, if you're open to seeing them. As things change, I become stronger, more able to face the next change and usually, blessed with more to be grateful for that I didn't have or notice before.

Time will tell what the changes moving to East Hall will bring... I have a feeling though, it will work out for the best in the end. The spirit of the place is still there in the people that come to dance every Monday night.

PS Shout out to the folks at the Century Ballroom: Hallie, Deron, Alison and everyone else there who have made dancing so accessible, fun, warm and a BLAST! We are so lucky to have you guys around :)

I Dance Because

Dancing always brings me joy (with a few exceptions) and I become a broken record if you hear me talk about my experiences. Last night I had an incredible night of dancing because it involved so many dances (belly dancing, tango, bachata, salsa, mambo) with some rare surprises. It inspired me to write this entry as a tribute to dancing. There's no particular rhyme or reason to the order, I just wanted to share.

I dance because ...

• its fun
• its active
• its such a high
• its beautiful
• it social
• it brings me joy
• it makes me smile
• it enriches my life
• it provides me with adventures to share and write about
• it takes me out of myself: to follow a lead and listen to music and experience the purity of that connection
• it helps me to just BE
• it makes the trivial troubles of the day disappear
• it makes my serious troubles easier to deal with
• it give me so much positive energy
• I can be renewed and energized
• my mind and body are one with the music and the lead that I'm dancing with to make magic!
• it cures my sinuses and helps me breathe
• when I dance I can't be mad for very long
• I can take flight: float, glide, spin, sway, shimmy, skip and play with someone else, in harmony to music
• I can be bring out anything that's in me: 
• I can be sassy
• I can be sexy
• I can be flirty
• I can be goofy
• I can be smooth
• I can improvise and make something with someone else to a song that's playing in the background
• I can interact with people just as passionate about dancing as I am
• I can see good friends
• I can meet new friends
• I can have fun with total strangers
• I sometimes encounter praise from unexpected sources
• I get compliments from my peers and people I respect
• dancing is a metaphor for life and many a hard lesson can be learned through dance with less dire consequences
• I have stories that I can share about things that can happen out on the dance floor
• I have electric connections that make my hair stand on end
• I can be in the arms of some "hunky guy"
• I love the hugs
• I know that there's so much to learn: different dances, different styles, the music, the history
• even when I have so-so moments, they are over in a few minutes, easily replaced by something better
• I can, with someone else, create movement so in tune with music, its just too cool for words
• amazing connections are such a pleasant surprise when dancing total strangers
• amazing connections can potentially blossom into something more
• I can close my eyes and still make magic
• I can help someone else pick up their day
• I can show someone else how much fun they can have
• I can feel like a rock star
• I learn something new about myself
• I learn something new I didn't think my body could do 
• I learn about how to deal with people
• I learn to communicate without words
• I am free to express myself, be myself
• I can just be me without judgment: let go, feel, react, respond, create new energy
• there's just nothing quite like the high it can give when everything is just right
• I believe that if everyone danced, the negative energy in the world would have nowhere to stick to. 
• I love it
• its just a part of who I am.

Gratitude Break 07-26-2010

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. ~Brian Tracy

In my life, I have a lot to be grateful for and I make it a practice to at least once a day, think of something to say "thanks!" for. Every now and again, a public acknowledgment of what those things are is my way of giving greater thanks to the universe for all the unexpected and wonderful things that happen.


This past few weeks have been particularly stressful for various reasons. There was nothing major or life threatening. I just noticed that I was getting upset about things that I would normally have a higher tolerance for. My patience was as thin as tissue: random, unrelated events were inconvenient and irritating. A veritable "pain" in {insert the appropriate body part here}. These events interrupted the normally flow of life that I have. Its like feeling turbulence on an otherwise smooth ride and that turbulence generating a nagging worry that something worse could happen. I found myself stressing out more than necessary and working hard to make sure it didn't.

A few things happened in succession over the last few days and just like "That!" I'm back on my smooth ride again. The fact that this realization happened on a Monday, the start of a new week, the beginning of a waning full moon.... coincidence?

Anyway, the point of this post is to share what I have to be grateful for so here goes:

Confessions
In the wee am hours of the weekend, an old friend who is happily married with kids found me online and we chatted for a bit. He recently went through knee surgery which was keeping him up (otherwise, we wouldn't intersect much at night, given that we're on opposite coasts). I commiserated on the knee having been through the same ordeal. We got to reminiscing and as he tells me how much he enjoys reading about my daily adventures, he reveals that when we first met, he had thought about asking me out. I laughed (virtually) and confessed that when I first met him, I had a mini-crush but I thought he was unavailable. He then told me that in the time when we first met, he had come to decision that he needed to be with someone Jewish and shortly after making that resolve, met his now wife. I joked about it saying that someone Chinese doesn't exactly qualify as Jewish and he said that I definitely have some "Jewish" in me. For some reason, this whole conversation just made me smile. I guess no matter how old the admiration or what the current circumstances are, when someone you like reveals that they like you too - that always feels good.

Jet Skiing - A First
I went jet skiing for the first time and had so much fun that despite the loss of my favorite pair of sunglasses (it jumped off my face mid-jump and I couldn't let go to catch it because I was hanging on for dear life!) I was unphased. In the past that one incident alone would've put a damper on everything but what happened was the opposite and it was really quite refreshing. Instead of dwelling on it, I promptly forgot about it, and had a blast watching my niece and her cousin (6 and 5 years old  respectively)  laugh and enjoy their turns on the jet ski!

A Totally Unexpected Outcome
Recently, I discovered that I bought a fake product from a bad seller. I took the time to try to fix it with some help (no go!), work with the manufacturer (who told me it was a fake), contact the seller (who, was clearly no longer a seller in good standing) and check policies about sellers (the guarantee had expired). I realized that based on all that, I wasn't going to be able to get anything back as compensation for a broken fake. I was making my last call to give feedback on the seller and follow-up when the representative I spoke to gave me the best resolution possible: a one time exception resulting in me getting a brand new replacement, from the real manufacturer with a net of no extra cost. BONUS!!!

Another First
A student and enthusiast of a dance called Kizomba, I was helping my teacher out at a workshop. It was a small class and we got to work one on one with everyone there. I got to dance and help some folks figure things out for themselves. All in all, a great time. At the end of the workshop, I received some money from my teacher for helping out. I realized that this is my first "official" dance teaching gig since I was paid to help teach. WOW!

Always There
I was drinking my ice cold vanilla latte on this wonderful sunny Monday as I was heading back to my office. I was feeling pretty good about being given a discount even thought it expired yesterday when I realized what a wonderful weekend I had just had, listing in my head, all the things that made up the weekend. A large part of it was the time I spent with my sister and extended family and it dawned on me right then that I will never be afraid of being alone as I grow older because I've been blessed with additions to my family and an extended family that will always be there for me (in addition to the wonderful friends that I have).

The Tumbleweed Effect
You may be surprised to see me write this as I am normally quite grounded in science and technology and not likely to be seen as "holistic" at first glance. I am very much a believer of what I've referred to as the ultimate karmic reality: "what comes around goes around".

So - if you fill your life with thing that you are happy to do and be with and be grateful for, then the universe conspires to keep you there, rewarding you with more of the same, often times in ways that you will not anticipate.

The universe as a whole, leans towards happier balance so that despite some of the bad things that can happen, there is always something that will offset it to put it right again. Some people only see the negative and thus choose to live in that space, blind to the positive things that do happen.

Why? Given a choice, be grateful for what's good: live in the good space and see what unfolds.

Step By Step

Social dancing, while fun, can also be a source of stress for the beginner dancer. For me, dancing is such a joy that when I started to social dance, I didn't have any problems progressing from my 1st set of classes into having it be such an integral part of my life.

No matter what happens with me and dancing in the future, I will always be an advocate for it. Dancing in any form has much to offer. If you have any inkling at all about the potential that dance can have in your life or are even curious about the pure enjoyment and joy it can bring, I'd like to help push you along.

So what's stopping you?

"I can't dance because...."

• I'm a klutz
  
• I'm too uncoordinated
  
• I have no rhythm
  
• I don't want to make a complete ___ of myself
  
• It looks hard and I don't have time to invest in it
  
• I don't want to
  

Here's the simple answer to everything except "I don't want to.": Dancing can be as basic as walking to a beat. So, if you can walk, you can dance.

OK, fair enough, you may not buy that but if you're still reading, I'm assuming that you have some interest in it already and have taken 1st steps. You may be contemplating taking it up again or are just plain curious. Here's some advice or things to consider as you start. My hope is that it helps you discover how fulfilling and wonderful social dancing can be: to grow and connect with yourself, movement, music and the world around you. If not, at the very least, if should be mildly entertaining ;)

BREATHE and Remember "Why am I doing this?"
What starts out as the reason to try something new can vary from person to person but to sustain it, the reason has be something worthwhile.

For me it was curiosity and then by golly, I had so much fun, I was hooked.

You've probably started because of one or more of these (or variations of these) reasons:

• its always been on your list of things to try and now, the planets are aligned or you have time or its just next door
• you saw people dancing and said - hey! that looks like fun, I wanna do that too
• a friend (or friends) urged you to join in and you're finally giving in or open to it and say "why not"
• you're new in town and want to meet people while doing something active
• you're interested in someone and you know that they dance so you're thinking if you learn to dance, that would be one way to get to know them
• you're seeing someone who loves it and want to be able to share a dance with them without looking like a total spaz... not to mention how much he/she will appreciate it (MAJOR Bonus Points!)
• YOU want to look THAT GOOD [you've seen some performance, you tube video, random dancing through a glass window, at a club, on the beach, etc.]
• you've broken up with someone that dances and want to show them up "see what you're missing? Yes, I've gotten to be really good at this."
• you love the music and would like to groove to it
• you're ready for something new and different that's active an involves other people and isn't too expensive

So, whatever got you to start, you have to eventually find something worthwhile to continue it. If you find yourself stressing over this new activity take a moment and breathe to remember why you're doing it in the first place. If the relieves your stress great! If not, then read on and see if the other tips help you relieve that stress.

Patience, Grasshopper.
Often, the biggest reasons someone takes themselves out of the path to social dancing "nirvana" (or any new learning nirvana) is themselves: you are your own worst enemy. It boils down to you being your own harshest critic which is totally stressful and not much fun. How can you learn something new (keyword - new and therefore unfamiliar) when you're constantly judging yourself? In the beginning, you gotta turn that critic off! Duct tape that critical mouth shut and focus on staying open to learning. Remember the joy in discovery? That's what you want to focus on. Keep it in perspective, especially for the 1st 6 months or so. Its not going to happen overnight.

When you find yourself being overly critical of yourself - STOP.
When you find yourself getting impatient for results - STOP.
If you feel silly - LAUGH and SMILE
If you make mistakes - its yours, own it, correct it for the next time
If its not what you thought  - that's alright, now you know better.

All in good time grasshopper!

 [In case you're wondering "Patience Grasshopper" comes from an old TV Series back in the 70's starring David Carridine called Kung Fu. The protagonist is a shaolin monk whose master would always give this advice to help the monk as a boy, cope with everything that he had to learn.]

It Starts One Step at a Time 
This is metaphorical and literal at the same time.

People often bite off more than they can chew when they are eager to do something. I'm suggesting you go smaller than that, and take a NORMAL pace. This is so true for anything that involves movement and body coordination. TAKE SMALL STEPS. You're learning new movement patterns to what is likely new music so don't get ahead of yourself. When you take a step, stay balanced with you're weight underneath you. Big steps will get you off balance. Its all about keeping your feet under your body . One of the biggest mistakes a beginning dancer can make is to take HUGE steps in the beginning. Not needed. Think about getting from A to B in the calmest way. Stick with your natural stride and stay balanced.

Metaphorically speaking its a well used cliche: you need to be patient with yourself and take things one step at a time  Set yourself up to succeed and establish a reasonable expectation when you're first learning to dance. You can feel progress with each step, and even if you have to adjust your stride, at least you're still making progress. As you get more experience and figure out the best way to learn and your body just has the movement down or the music is starting to get under your skin, you'll make bigger strides and the satisfaction you feel will just grow from there.


Find the Right Teacher
Not everyone learns the same way so if you're stress is associated with the person that's teaching, learn from someone else! All it takes is the right person to learn from and BAM! you're in it for some time. Not everyone that teaches is a good teacher. If your not happy with who you're learning from, don't let that stop you from what could be one of the most fantastic things you'll ever do. Spend a little time to research on other options, go out and talk to people in the scene. If you see someone who you love to watch dancing, ask them for their advice (politely, not in a stalker way). I find that if you begin with "I love the way you dance!" and then follow-up with asking them for who they would recommend as teachers, that's usually a good start.

Place no blame on you or your teacher: you can't be mad about something you didn't know about before you started doing something. Did I confuse you yet? If you're problem is that you're not learning from the right person - it's not your fault, or theirs for that matter. Things just didn't fit. If you hold a grudge, what good will that do you? If you put yourself down, even worse! Take a breathe, remember why you're dong this and try to find someone else to learn from.

Practice Makes Perfect
Dancing is a complex learning: its not just about steps, its about music, counts, rhythms, step patterns and working with someone else who's going through the same thing you're going through: learning something new. The only way to get really good at it is to do it a LOT: do the steps, listen to the music, count to the music, count when you're stepping, visualize when you can't do it, and please, go out dancing! A class is a nice safe environment but nothing teaches more than actual experience. It takes time to establish yourself in something new and that applies as well to being recognized and eventually making friends with the dancers you see in the places you go out dancing.

If you have the right studio or teacher, there will be places for you to go and practice that's not a club. Go for it! Spend a little time to research and practice what you've learned because it is the only way to get better.

There are other types of events that can help as well: camps, congresses or vacations related to dancing. These are not for everyone but they will definitely help you get immersed in dancing. There are dance events all the world! You can always combine learning to dance with going somewhere you've never been! Double the fun an adventure.

Whatever you do: practice!!!!


Reach Out and Ask Someone
While the world of dance has it's fair share of attitudes good and bad, I think its safe to say that everyone that's been dancing and loves it will NOT be shy about talking about it. Go out and practice and spend some time to watch the more experienced people dancing and then reach out and ask.

Take a Break
Sometimes, you just need to step away. So do that and if there was some hook in you that was lost in all the stress, you'll feel it again and at right moment, it will reel you back in.

My first social dance was swing dancing and while I was getting into it, I met someone and fell deeply in "like". Things did not work out and because I associated the dancing too much with being with him and I just got sad about dancing. So, I stopped and within about 6 months, I got the bug again when I ran into some people dancing outside on a beautiful day. I started dancing again and realized that the joy of dancing is pretty pure and shouldn't be associated with anyone person. So, here I am! Dancing again and forever

Parting Words: On Learning
I'm the type of person that LOVES to learn. I could just spend my whole life in pursuit of learning things but the practicalities of that get in the way. So, while I realize that not everyone is as crazy about learning or takes to it as easily as I do, I still want to make a point that learning in any form is a good thing.

It is a challenge to knowingly place yourself in unfamiliar territory. On top of all that, as adults, we've already learned to measure and judge how we do things: "Is this good enough?" As a learner, you're new to it, so how can you be good at it? When you 1st start, you've got to turn off all your "fears" about that "new" thing and focus on what got you there in the 1st place. Those judgments are not just about grading yourself but also about how long its taking you. Everything has its own pace and timing - you've got to respect your own learning process.

Imagine the unabashed abandon young kids have when they experience something new. They dive headlong into it, asking questions, experimenting doing what they do without a single self-editing thought. It's interesting to them, so they ask, they do, they talk about it: what drives them is the pure fun they have of whatever it is they're interested in learning more about. NO JUDGMENTS. Take my niece, she loves dinosaurs. She's only 6 and is a veritable encyclopedia! If I need to know something about it, I'll ask her and she'll  know the answer. I am in awe at how a 6 year old can easily name and give a profile for almost any dinosaur that I come across at a toy store.

As you start to learn something new give it time without sabotaging it.


Here's a quote that just about sums it all up for me and what's true about dance in this quote is just as true about learning:

"While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance."