Tee4Life

Community: Diversity and Unity

2011-12-31T11:29:00.000-08:00

When I moved to Seattle 4 years ago, I walked by a billboard about salsa dancing which has brought all sorts of joy in my life. I thought: dancing would be a great activity for a new comer: meet people, be active and have fun. Perfect! Now, I dance almost every night of the week and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

I remember the first time I walked into Halo (East Hall's predecessor) on a Monday night. I was so unsure of myself: new place, new dance and new people. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. I would sit and try to look calm yet inside I would project "pick me! pick me!". I would watch the more experienced dancers and think "I wonder if that will ever be me?". [NOTE: I am forever grateful to the leads that were welcoming to a total stranger: they asked me to dance and helped to "find my wings" on the dance floor.]

Back then, I had no idea what the salsa landscape was like. It didn't take me long to find out that there are a LOTS of other teachers and studios and what? places to go dancing EVERY night?! Then there's this congress concept: a weekend full of workshops and dancing. Then I stumbled upon other salsa styles: casino, rueda de casino, on2, mambo, dancing on the 3, on the 5... holy smokes! And what's this? Performance teams? wow, does it ever end? What a rich, fun and interesting community I found myself in. It reminded me a lot of the volleyball community I left when I moved away from Massachusetts. There was diversity but still a lot of community: people supported each other by attending tournaments that were hosted in different locations. These discoveries happened quickly as I began to dance more and more: it was easy to meet all these different sub-cultures within the dance community. It was great to see and meet everyone from these different pockets out dancing in the same place on the different nights. Every now and again there would be a special event like an anniversary or birthday that would be in a different place, offering a pleasant diversion from the usual happenings.

Fast forward to 2011. There is still dancing every night but sometimes there's more than one place to go to. There are more studios that have opened, each with their own practica and/or social. Some places have closed, some places have re-opened and new places have tried to start and stuttered. There are now nights with 3 or 4 different events to choose from and instead of being able to go to one event knowing that everyone will be there, I now have to pick and choose which one to go to, based on where I think my friends and favorite dancers will be.

Its a hard life right? Going from only have one option to having to pick from 3 or 4. It's infinitely better that there are more venues to dance rather than less. But I miss being able to go to one place knowing that everyone will be there. I hate having to choose which event to go to: who do I support? I want to support all the different venues and studios because I want to keep salsa strong in the community but I can't go to every event.

What I also see is that studios have created more insular communities that no longer mix: its like having invisible borders. I love that the folks are committing time to teach and have their own studio space. I understand that providing a safe place for beginners to go and practice is must in order for these budding dancers to keep going. I'm sometimes sad to see that these "borders" now keep some folks from experiencing that same richness in diversity that I was able to when I first started dancing. I know that as a dancer I improved because I was exposed to so many different styles and schools of dance when I went out.

As a whole Seattle's salsa community is welcoming. There's no shortage of choices for places to dance and people to learn from. But, I feel like there is more divisiveness now compared to a few years ago and it makes me wish for change. Our community is not so big that it can sustain all the different businesses and venues out there and I think there are ways that the different event organizers and studios can cooperate and coordinate so there are less conflicts when they run events. It would be nice to be able to attend an anniversary party without having to skip someone's fund raiser or a live band.

Its a tough thing to balance: running a business and investing in the community. I think though that keeping the dance community alive and growing is in itself an investment for dance studios and related businesses. You can't entirely lose site of one for the other. I certainly don't have the best answers and I'm not sure how many other people feel the same way I do but as 2011 comes to a close one of the things I'm hoping for is that there will be more opportunities for events that bring together the entire community of salsa dancers while still sustaining all the independent businesses that keep the salsa dancing strong in Seattle.

Just sharing a wish... and hoping everyone out there has a wonderful new year celebration as we head into 2012: much love, more hugs, lots of dancing and whatever else your heart fancies.

Falling Back

2011-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

Its been a while and after drafting and re-drafting at least 6 different posts, I decided that I should just post something.

This weekend we gained an extra hour of sleep which means our days get shorter and shorter. In the spirit of falling back, I share some things I learned about myself and leave some food for thought (to be expanded later on).

Falling back to some basic principles I wonder ....

.. I've experienced a lot, but there are still "first times" to learn from and this year has been filled with lots of "1st time"s

... how does one build community in the midst of change that seems to be subdividing us into smaller groups?

... the joy I feel when dancing remains but as I learn and grow, I realize how much more I enjoy that dance that connects me to my partner and the music.

... its hard to stay positive about yourself when you're learning about your own vulnerability.

... how does one keep learning and still maintain that initial sense of wonder to share if there are less people to share with the more you uncover.

... biding my time in a place where I don't belong is not as easy as it sounds.

Food for thought... I'll be back soon!

Adventures in Performance Salsa

2011-03-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

My life of late has been a whirlwind of practicing for performances and trying to catch up to myself. My everyday activities seem overshadowed by my dancing activities and I'm finally feeling like I'm coming back down to earth now that the winds have calmed down.

There comes a time in any dance crazy person's life (definition of dance crazy below) where the words "dance team" pop into your head. Its inevitable as you start to go to congresses, you hear about your friend's joining teams, you see performances and you start to wonder if that's the next step for your growth as a dancer.

Dance Crazy = dancing more than 3-4 times a week, taking classes and socializing with other dancers after dancing. You should be contemplating or may have gone to a congress (or more). Your social calendars involves events with dancing or other dancers.

I've only been dancing salsa for 3+ years and love it, a LOT! It seems like I've been dancing forever. In that time, I've been on 2 dance teams and I wanted to share my thoughts on performing, just in case you were wondering too. I'm also not presenting pros or cons: everyone gets into performing for different reasons so I'm hoping this will just help bring out all the aspects you should consider if you're thinking about performing.

DISCLAIMER: I write to share my adventures and hopefully help others find their own answers to the same questions I ask myself. At the very least, I write to entertain. I try very hard not to malign anyone. BUT, just in case, I apologize in advance. My hope is that you can find a bit of wisdom to help you make up your mind if you're considering a team or nod in agreement and chuckle if you find yourself in the same circumstances.

Why Perform?
I saw it as a challenge and a next step in my growth as a dancer. Growing up, I played the piano and danced ballet. There was some sort of recital or even a contest or 2 that my teachers would always want me to participate in. Performance is a huge part of the training. It makes sense that the same thing applies for salsa dancing. Performing gives you a different purpose and perspective. For me, it meant working harder to perfect things and having a different sense of accomplishment for having entertained people with my dancing. Performance also introduces a new aspect of dancing that I wanted to explore more: choreography and that whole creative process around staging a dance.

And, its there but not the big driver: I had the FOMS (fear of missing out): everyone else in my direct circle seemed to be on a team, why not give it a go?

Here's the other by product of performing that's HUGE: confidence. My confidence as a dancer has improved. I own my dancing more. This is something universal: the better you feel about yourself, the better you feel about your dancing, the better dancer you become.

I'm NOT saying dance team is nirvana. Dance teams are as varied as they come and sometimes the experience can be sour and make you want to wipe your hands off dancing in general. If you ever find yourself with this aftermath and if you're ever loved dancing, don't let it rule you. Take the break you need to reset and come back to it. You'll find the joy in dancing that you had again.

Performance Art
Whether you realize it or not, dancing is a performance art. A social dance is essentially an informal performance. You're out in the public, you dance with your partner, other people see you dancing. It can't be helped! The biggest difference with being on a performance team is that (1) you do it on a stage (or in the center of a dance floor or on a boat or where ever your dance director decides), (2) you're in the spotlight with your team and (3) you've got to dance "larger than life" so that the audience connects with you too. Its no longer just about you and your partner: now its also about you and the audience. You have to dance bigger, sharper, with lots more energy than your normal social dance. You have to also synchronize with other members on the team. You have to generate the energy to draw in the crowd and then feed of that energy to engage them and hook them in.

Choreography versus Social Dancing
Dancing to choreography is different from social dancing. The connection is different: not all the moves you learn are naturally leadable on the social dance floor. There's also an element of acting, staging and synchronizing to consider. You'll learn more about tricks and dips and things that make the dancing "pop" more: the 'wow' factor. There's also this really cool creative process that happens when you see someone putting steps together with music, orchestrating how different people interact with each other on stage based on the music selected.

I've seen this dichotomy as well: good performance dancers don't necessarily make good social dancers. This is certainly NOT true for the world class performers that teach and bring everyone to their feet when they dance. Performers at that level are fantastic dancers in their own right and if you ever get a chance to dance with them on the social dance floor - go for it!

Social dancing is more about connecting with your partner. This aspect of partner dancing, while important, isn't the only focus of dancing in a performance. You may find that folks on a dance team are not necessarily the same people that go out social dancing. In fact, some people join performance teams less than 1 year into their dancing "career" and only have time for practicing and performing and nothing else.

My advice: don't leave social dancing out. Perfecting the choreography is one thing, but as with any other skill and craft, one must always improve the basis for those skills. For dancing, its the basics and techniques that allow you to dance on your own as an individual and then as a follow or lead in the partner dancing. Social dancing is the best way to practice your connection and ability to connect with anyone.

Practice, Practice, Practice There's a book that says in order to become an expert at something, you have to practice it for at least 10,000 hours. No matter what anyone says about meeting once a week, if you want to get good enough to perform, you HAVE to practice more than once a week and you have to practice with your partner and your team and the music. You have to listen to the music so many times that you can hear it in your head. You have become familiar enough to be able to pick up the choreography at any point in the music. Honestly? You can't practice enough.

Ego There's lots of ego stroking. From the performance itself and even leading up to getting on a performance team. When you get asked to perform, its sort of a big deal, right? Its flattering. You might think, "Really? You think I'm good enough?". Or, if you haven't gotten asked you might think "What's wrong with my dancing?" Its a great affirmation to get asked to join or to be on a dance team.

Performing is an ego affirmation because if you do a good job, there's nothing quite like the recognition one gets from a public performance. Not to mention that group high that comes with accomplishing something you've worked hard on with your dance partner/ dance team. Depending on the community you're in, there's a lot of support for performers so that's always good energy to have. Seattle is one such community.

Its also a great way to get more dances. As superficial as this sounds, as a performer, you will get asked to dance a lot more, its just part of what people see on the surface.

IMPORTANT ASPECTS TO CONSIDER (because, surprisingly enough, no one ever really tells you these things):

1) No Matter What Anyone Tells You: you'll always need more time to practice!
This becomes even more true as you get closer to a performance! Before you know it, its eating up all your life. Just make sure you set your boundaries properly and try to be as explicit as possible with what you can or can't do and in the end, be responsible - if you can't put in the time to be ready to perform, don't expect to perform.

2) The Creative Mind is Constantly Changing [ just remember, things change ALL THE TIME]
I love the creative mind: its rich with all these really cool things. BUT, its always changing to see what works best. There's tweaks, and adjustments and... just expect anything. Know that NOTHING IS SET IN STONE no matter how much you wish it to be. Things happen, you have to adjust. I've been lucky to be surrounded by the right people to help me through these times so I have constant reminders. If you can't deal with this wonderful chaos, then its probably not a good idea to join a performance team.

3) Contracts & Logistics
Get all the facts about joining at team as up front as possible. Talk to the directors, talk to the team members, talk to former team members and do your best to research. These things can definitely put a damper on your experience and if someone's recruiting you, they're not likely to get into gory details and you won't think to ask. Just ask about cost (of joining, of performing), travel, lessons and additional training, etc. AND be really up front about your commitments and what you can do as part of the team.

4) When its stops being fun, its time to take a breath and re-evaluate
This is a big one: if there are fundamental issues and incompatibilities, its not worth it to stay and be miserable after giving it your best shot. There will always be drama whether you like it or not - a group of people always together, preparing, performing. Even if you love to dance, these circumstances cause stress and everyone has different ways of dealing with it. Try to give yourself the time to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons. Its easy to get carried away by the team and what the "right thing to do is". If you treat everyone with respect and make sure to check in with yourself about what you're goals are, then you should be able to know when something isn't worth staying for.

5) Set your boundaries: team stuff can easily take over your life
No joke! I can't say this enough (its like the previous point) Its important to keep things in perspective and not let peer pressure dictate what you can or can't do. Just be clear about up front and be responsible for letting people know about what you can or can't commit to as far enough in advance as you can. I would say that you should expect the same from your team but that's not always easy to get. Just make sure you understand what your team is like when it comes to time commitments: the closer priorities are between team members and the director, the better the experience.

6) Don't forget to say Thank You! BE part of the fun.
Successful teams have leaders and team members who pitch in regularly and equally. They celebrate together and work together on things that aren't as successful. As soon as there is perceived inequity in anything, bad stuff happens. Say thanks to the people that deserve it and try to pitch in when you can and don't take anything for granted.

LAST WORDS....I'm still on a performance team. I'm enjoying the people I'm with and still learning a lot (sometimes so much, my head feels like its going to explode!) and still challenged by the experience. Its been challenging to keep things in perspective, but I'm doing that too. So far, so good! Do I absolutely love performing? The jury is still out: my love for connecting with people on the social dance floor still far outweighs the joys of performing.

To Date or Not To Date a Dancer

2011-02-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

That is the question.

Whether its better to date a fellow dancer or not is a topic that comes up every so often within social dancing circles.

I realize broaching the topic of relationships can be like taking a dive off the deep end so before I do that, let me explicitly say that I am not any kind of expert on relationships. I do not judge any opposing views to mine as "wrong". Everyone will have their own answer to this question, I simply offer up my thoughts on the matter.

So What Do I Think?

Dating to me, is a means to finding my "partner in crime" for the long haul. There are 168 hours in a week. I sleep, on average, about 5 hours a day and have a full time job. Assuming I have a normal 40 hour work week give or take, that leaves 93 hours (out of the 168 hours in a week) to do other things. Of that time, I spend easily 20% dancing and then another 10% on dance related social activities. Needless to say, dancing is a big part of my life (though its not the only thing in my life).

Personally, I'd love it if my Prince Charming is a dancer! The benefits are obvious (but I'll write them down anyway):

We both love it! We share a common passion and we can understand each others passion for the dance, no need to have conflicts over "why are you spending so much time..."
Dancing with someone you're attracted to is simply scrumptious.
Romance will never die: all we have to do is pick the right song and dance to it.
We'll have the same social circles, so integrating into each other's lives will be a bit easier.
I'll have a dance partner for life: oh! what fun.

Does that mean I'll say no if he's not a dancer? Nope, not at all.

I'm crazy about dancing but that's not the only thing that I do. I'm open to dating someone who's not a dancer but he should be able to understand how much dancing means to me and that every so often, it would be lovely to share a dance together.

As dance crazy as I am, dancing isn't life (its a reflection of life) but life is much better and fuller and happier with dancing in it. Life is comprised of my loves: my passions, my family, my friends, my activities and my Prince Charming (when he comes along).

THE HEART OF THE MATTER:

At the heart of it all, the answer to the question is "It depends on the people involved." There is no formula that you can plug into that will give you the right answer to the question because there are so many other factors involved when it come to a relationship. That being said, there are certainly indicators that can help determine whether or not one should date a fellow dancer. I've grouped them into red, yellow and green flags. Red flags are like STOP signs: indications that should basically tell you to steer away from dating a fellow dancer. Yellow flags are signs that make you go "Hmmm!" and finally "green flags" are fuel for the "YES!" answer to the question.

RED FLAG:

Jealous, much? This works both ways. If either you or the other person in question is the jealous (or possessive) type, well, dating another dancer is just asking for drama. People can get CLOSE when they're dancing and it just doesn't make sense to stir that pot if its already boiling.

NOTE: There are some cultures that do not condone social dancing once you're attached. I suggest you find out about cultural biases sooner rather than later!

Dance High Does NOT Equal Relationship Success The dance high is deceptive. It has such a strong pull that it becomes almost like blinders. As a social dancer, its the occupational hazard that's part of what make dancing so much fun. Its something that happens in the moment of the dance: there and gone again, sometimes lasting longer than just the dance. Its just really hard to ignore so, beware: dance highs fade and the high can totally cloud you're judgment. You'll see everything in your favorite color and then when the high fades, and people's true color shows, you'll be left wondering what the heck happened and who changes all the colors? If you still haven't been able to distinguish the dance high from normal interaction, then you're probably inviting all sorts of drama by dating another dancer.

He/She is as Great Dancer so they must be ...? Just that, a great dancer. Don't attach any more significance to being a great lead or follow unless you have evidence off the dance floor. Simply because a follow is amazing, doesn't necessarily translate to her personality. A lead may be a gentleman on the dance floor but a total "get me out of this crowd" persona off the dance floor. A follow could be passionate and expressive as a dancer but a totally reserved. I'm not saying that one's dancing doesn't reflect one's personality. I'm just suggesting that dancing is not the ONLY thing you should be basing personality on. So, if you made a conclusion about someone simply based on their dancing, just remember to add "only when they're dancing" until you do see that it is part of their personality off the dance floor too.

YELLOW FLAG:

Dancers at Different Levels: watch the person grow and blossom! Its great to grow with someone. It totally sucks getting "left behind". As long as each party is loving and supportive, the fact that both are dancers can certainly help to strengthen the relationship.

Dancing is one big Flirt Fest: Flirting is natural consequence of dancing. There may be attractions beyond that dance connection BUT on the dance floor, that's very hard to distinguish. So, if the flirting off the dance floor is just as good as the flirting off the dance floor, then take it as a good sign that there's a healthy attraction and go from there.

The Talk of the Town: Part of the challenge with dating someone popular in a social circle is that you too will be popular by default. Which means there's scrutiny whether you want it or not. Just be aware of that and figure out what works for you. If you like privacy, then you have to realize when you're dating Mr. or Ms Popularity, that's all going to go out the window. Just be prepared!

Let's Keep this Quiet, ok? If you like privacy, then you have to establish that from the get go. If you want to hide things, just be careful because that will put a strain on the relationship eventually. I believe when you care about someone enough, you shouldn't hide it if you can help it. You can be discreet, and in most cases that wise in the beginning. To hide a relationship with someone you care about sets a precedent that you can't be open about someone who supposedly means a lot to you: its a contradiction and when it goes on for too long, leads to all sorts of drama and stress.

Dancing is my life! The degree to which dancing rules each person in the relationship is also important. If dancing is #1 and will always be #1, then you, the significant other, will have to deal with that (or vice versa). I've seen relationships where one is a dancer and the other isn't and there's a wonderful balance. Its all a matter of knowing where you stand and where the other dancer stands and matching up expectations.

GREEN FLAG:

They Get It: Another dancer will understand what the obsession is with dancing. They'll understand why you do it, why its so much fun and what drives you to dance. So much of the success of a relationship is based on how well both people communicate and understand each other. This is just one manifestation of that and one that, when shared, can only help.

You have the Same Dance Goals If your views on dancing match AND its not the one thing that rules you, then that's a good thing. Its one less thing to worry about that could cause potential conflict.You both can collaborate too which is also a ton of fun.

Dreamy Dancing is always a prelude to ... if I have to fill in the blanks here, then you've clearly NOT experienced that electric connection so go read about it in my other blog article.

CONCLUSION:
I believe the answer to this question really boils down to a trade off:

Are you willing to risk that the POTENTIAL DRAMA from a failed relationship with a fellow dancer will far OUTWEIGH the POTENTIAL BLISS of a relationship that works?

I know that I don't control how someone else feels and reacts, I can only control what I do and how I act. I know that when it comes to drama generated by other people, I may get sucked into it for a time, but, I trust that I can extricate myself intact from that drama when necessary. So, for me, the potential bliss far outweighs any potential drama.

Tips for a Great Congress Experience

2011-02-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

I've had some fantastic congress experiences in the last year so I thought I'd share some tips in case you're considering going to one or have already gone and didn't have as good a time as you hoped. If you're already a pro at the at congress experience, feel free to share your tips by commenting to this post. If you've never gone to one before - DO IT!

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
I'm writing this specifically for folks (like me) who like to know what plans are ahead of time and make decisions accordingly. In the world of congresses, there is a LOT in flux all the time so plan for change - it is a constant.

WHAT IS A CONGRESS?

A long weekend of workshops and dancing for anyone at any level interested in dance. There are events all over the world for all sorts of dances. Just check out this site Worl Salsa Festivals to get an idea of just how many there are. [NOTE: This site isn't the only resource to use, just search through Google or any other search engine of choice to find out.] I've attended salsa and bachata congresses so my experiences reference those dance types specifically. A congress is an event that bring together dance fans, dancers, instructors, musicians and performers from all over the world. You have the opportunity to take workshops, see performances and dance with folks from other cities / states / countries.

Its like dance camp - for adults!

GENERAL FORMAT

The event lasts over a long weekend and is typically held in a hotel near the airport of the host city OR in a hotel with the capacity for large functions. Festivities usually start on Thursday evening and end by Sunday. Occasionally, there will be Monday activities targeted to folks that decide to hang around a little longer before heading home. Thursday starts with a pre-party at a local club or at the hotel. Workshops are held Friday, Saturday and Sunday followed by performances and then social dancing with DJ (and/or live band). The peak of quality of performances and attendance is typically on Saturday as many people tend to leave sometime on Sunday.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? Workshops, Performances, Social Dancing, the Experience or All of the Above?

Workshops

If you go for the workshops, be warned that schedules generally don't get published until closer to the event itself. So, if you're going just for the workshops, you may have to decide things with not all the information available. Bear in mind that schedules are pretty fluid: they can change during the event as well. Check the performer and instructor lists to give you some idea about who's going to be there that might be teaching. Workshops are typically held during the day through early evening (10am to 6pm) on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The levels of the workshops can vary. If you're looking to experience a variety of instructors, this is certainly the right venue for that. If you're looking for very specific techniques and training, this is likely not the right venue unless you schedule privates with the instructors that will be there (an additional expense that you will have to coordinate with the event coordinators and/or instructors themselves).

Performances

There will be a mix of "headliners" and local teams performing through out the weekend. The program schedule for who's dancing when is also one that doesn't get finalized till the event gets closer. The performer line-up will be updated periodically so you can see who will be performing. Typically Saturday performances have all the big names and will be the longest one. If you're going for performances, then you should shoot for Fri, Sat and Sunday night stays. Performances are typically from 9:30 to 11:00, before social dancing begins.

Social Dancing

Social dancing happens every night till wee am hours (3am, 4am, sometimes 5am). After performances wrap up, there is usually a small break so that the venue can be setup for social dancing (chairs are put away, etc.) so dancing sometimes doesn't start till midnight depending on the performance schedule. At some congresses, there will be dancing before the performances begin but that's usually attended by a smaller group. Depending on what you're after for social dancing, this has been my experience about the 'flavor' of each night.

Friday nights are like going to a "new place" for the first time. There will be lots of people and I think in general, some initial trepidation to ask newer people to dance. This is where if you go with a nice group, you'll be able to still dance and then from there, new dances can take off. My experience has been that with the group I go with, I can dance comfortably with people I already know, we can get warmed up, strut our stuff (yes, there's a little of this element to show that you can dance, you're in a brand new venue with people that don't know you) and then continue with the rest of the night.

Saturday is the "big" night - everyone and anyone will be in attendance. If you're like me at all, I feel a bit lost when there's so many people. These large well attended nights can sometimes feel like a combat zone to me. I feel like I need to "work" to get a dance and that's when I feel less comfortable. There's a feeling of people watching to see if you're any good and of course, lines of people waiting to dance with the superstars. If you're someone that thrives on the large crowd and energy Saturday is definitely the best night for you.

For me, Sunday is the best night. Its not as crowded because some folks have left to go home and everyone that's there for performances or event organizing is way more relaxed. They can let their hair down and just kick back and enjoy the night. Also, you've now spent 2 or 3 days at the event and have met more people and danced with more people at workshops and other social dances so you're not "new" anymore. There is no more "saving energy" since its the last night to party it up! I find it more relaxing and definitely a lot more fun.

Experience

Most of the time, the congress workshops and activities are packed into 3 days, there's really no time to explore the surroundings. Sometimes, the surroundings are basically the airport that you arrived in. So, if you're thinking about the overall experience, do a little research about where the congress if being held. There are all sorts of different places from a sunny beach, to a cruise ship or an all inclusive resort.

Tip #1: Go with the right group of people

I think this can make or break your congress experience unless you are truly one of those extroverts who just thrives being in a new place with new faces. For me, it can be bit overwhelming and the company of familiar friends is very welcome. Not only can you share the experience with people you care about, you can also dance with your friends and "strut your stuff" to get your dance mojo on before drifting out into the "wild" to meet with the rest of the people around you. Being with friends won't stop you from enjoying the experience of meeting new people or doing something different . Dancing is such a social thing, its just that much more fun for me to share a congress experience with friends who are just as crazy about dancing as me.

Tip #2: Get Some Sleep Beforehand and After
Seriously, there's very little time to sleep if you want to do everything that's available so get sleep before hand! If you can afford it, give yourself time to recover when you get back. There are breaks during the activities for eating and napping so use them wisely. Sometimes, between performances and dancing, you may be able to take a catnap. Dancing usually goes till the wee am hours, so you have an hour or more (depending on the venue) after the performance to catch a quick reboot before heading back out the dance you socks off.

Tip #3: Ask Someone Who's been to that Event Before
This isn't always possible but because schedules and event information change so much prior to the big shebang AND you have these great ticket deals way in advance of all the juicy details. It helps to find out who's been to the event before and what to expect. You can also contact the event organizer directly with specific questions.

Tip #4: Go with the Flow

Change is a constant so don't be wedded to anything and be flexible and open to new things. You can plan a little bit but the best experience will probably be a combination of doing what you wanted and keeping an open mind. Don't be afraid to try anything once and don't be shy! I've been blessed with some of my more memorable dances and interactions with people as a result of things "not going as planned".

Tip #5: Have a GREAT TIME!

This goes without saying and doesn't need a whole lot of explaining but its important enough so, here it is!

Leave your worries behind and soak up the experience: eat, sleep (if you can) and dance (lots) !

Dance Diversity

2011-01-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

Someone once asked me to characterize what I love about the different dances that I've learned and enjoy.I couldn't answer it on the spot but thought it would make a great post so here it is.

Discovering dance has opened up worlds for me. I am always learning something new: about me, about movement, about the people that love the dance and why they love it, about the origins of dance, about the places where the dance is alive, about the music and its structure. Dancing is one of the easiest and most gratifying activities to get into: it has so many riches and rewards. There's a little bit of something for everyone.

SO - what's the deal with so many dances? I know, for most people, its hard enough to learn ONE new activity that's quite complex: new movements, new music, new connections with new people. Me, I just love the variety. I love being able to find the common elements, the threads that connect the different steps and movements. I love being able to respond to whatever music is playing with the right moves. I love that no matter what song is played, I can dance to it.

Dance is universal. Its cool see how different dances relate to one another. There is something primal about moving your body to music and its even more exciting when I can do that in sync with someone else without saying a word. There are dances that challenge me technically, dances that just make me smile and bop my head, dances where I melt into my partner's close embrace and yet others that, once the music starts, just seem to run right through me so that my feet and body just react without thinking.

Here are the top 10 dances that I really enjoy, in no particular order:

SALSA: This is the dance that has currently holds me captive (3 years so far and still going strong). I started learning the LA or On1 style of salsa. I love the dance because its sensual and fun. There's a call and response aspect to it that's much like the flirtation between a guy and a girl as they basically try to say "look at me" to each other ... and sometimes to the people watching. I think there's such joy in the music that you can't help but dance to it. Its energetic and fun: when you see people dancing, you just want to join in.

MAMBO: I discovered mambo about a year and a half into dancing salsa. There was this "On2" thing which no one could really explain well to me and as I took different musicality workshops until I learned that this particular on2 style came from New York. A large part of why I'm learning this dance is the teacher that helped me discover how much there is to dancing it. It challenged me in a way that I hadn't been challenged before because it taught me new techniques. I learned more about the structure of the music, about the evolution of the dances and met some amazing people along the way. Its enhanced my dancing in so many ways - I continue to learn something new every time I dance it. When everything works, the dance is smooth: explosive and then chill with effortless transfers of energy.

CASINO: Salsa from Cuba. For me this dance was like the "swing" version of salsa. There's this revolving connection between the follow and the lead. I learned it when I discovered Rueda de Casino which is a dance with different couples in a circle and a caller directing the circle on what to do. Instead of just dancing with one person, you're dancing with everyone in the circle. There's a stronger sense of community in the dancing because everyone is interacting with everyone else in the circle. Talk about a party! There's an energy unmatched by any other dancing really because of the collective group. Whether danced in a circle or not, I love the idea of the lead and follow revolving around each other: one is "macho" - grounded and strong while the other is just as commanding - sensual and always flirtatious.

LINDY HOP: Whenever swing music plays, any heaviness in my heart fades away. The music has a bounce that lifts my spirits in a way that no other genre of music does for me. I get to move to the suave voices of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and cool grooves of so many wonderful musicians. This dance connection is one of compression and extension - like a rubber band that just springs back and forth. Lead and follow use each other's energy to create dynamic movement with the freedom to still express one's own personality. It can be insanely fast and energetic with kicks and lifts. It can be groovy and cool; smooth with just that hint of peppiness. The springiness of the dance is what makes it fun and the light-hearted music is just hard to resist.

WEST COAST SWING: Partner dancing to pop music with elements of Lindy and Salsa - what's not to like? This dance to me is a combination of salsa and swing to music that I can sing to that's modern and hip (as in hip hop). What fun! I don't get a chance to dance this a lot but I love the connection in this dance. The connection between lead and follow extends and contracts with such smoothness. Unlike Lindy, its less bouncy, more like dancing on ice.

BALBOA: This is what I like to dance when swing music gets FAST! Its a close embrace dance with the push and pull of swing, with the small crazy feet movement coordinated to a crazy fast song.

BLUES: Oh, the blues! This is basically a dance for the wee am hours where everyone is a bit tuckered out from swing dancing but not willing to end the night. Its cool and hot all at once. Its a close dance that has the most opportunity for personal expression while still having the potential for the strongest connection without as many rules and boundaries as the other dances. It looks deceptively easy but the truth is, the best blues dancers have such awesome connections to their partners and to the music. Now this, is dreamy dancing (though Kizomba and Tango are close... I talk about them later). This dance speaks volumes in the smallest movements sometimes. I've had blues dances where I never made more than 2 steps forward or back with my partner and others where I've walked across the length of the dance floor. If you let it, this is the dance where the music speaks to lead and follow in different ways and both can have a beautiful conversation about it on the dance floor.

BACHATA: This dance stole my heart when I went on vacation with a group of friends in the Dominican. I was crazy into volleyball then and we had befriended the activity directors of the resort we stayed at. It turned out that the head of the group was a former volleyball player (he was good!) and the rest of the folks were a dance troupe called Chocolate. They taught us how to dance bachata and that's what started it all. I'm happy its grown so much in popularity! This music is the latin equivalent of swing music to me (even though the content is almost always about tragic love of some kind). I smile when I hear it and it draws me to dance no matter how tired I am. As I've danced it, I've been able to bring in elements from salsa and swing. I love that playfulness of 2 people being able to just do footwork while still being connected: its wonderful! You can dance close, you can dance apart, you can dance like tango ... ay, que rico!

TANGO: This dance has an elegance that is unparalleled. To me, it looks amazing and the connection captures what I sometime feel is the epitome of the interaction between a lady and her leading man. This dance captures the elegance of walking. It takes this mundane activity and brings it to new heights. Its dramatic, its subtle, its stylish. In the arms of a good lead, I feel like I'm walking on clouds. The lead and follow walk as one and to truly follow this dance, I have to just listen and focus on my partner. There's a stillness in the movement and a connection with my lead that is unmatched (in my view) by any other dance.

KIZOMBA: This dance captured me because its got the elements of so many of the dances I've already talked about AND the music feels like the pulse of a heartbeat. Its a younger dance compared to all the others I've mentioned so it brings together elements of tango, bachata and blues. Danced in a close embrace, like a tango, it has less of tango's formal elegance. What this dance does have is that it captures the softness of the connection between a lead and follow. As I'm falling into my lead's embrace, I can feel the music pulse like a heart beat and when I'm in sync with my lead, its feels secure and comfortable in that embrace. I feel like I can just let myself go, moving in concert within this snuggly, comfortingly warm embrace and as the song progresses, it becomes more intimate: a dance to swoon about for sure. When I'm done dancing with someone who knows how to lead this dance, I always need a few seconds to acclimate myself back to 'reality'... mmm-hmm!

BELLY DANCING: This is not a partner dance but its on this list because learning to dance it has helped me to come into my own as a dancer. Belly dancing is HARD. Its teaching me to isolate body movements in ways that I never thought I could. As a consequence, its allowed me to more freely express myself as a woman and a dancer. I do not have the svelt, sleek body of a ballerina, nor do I have the voluptuous curves of say Jessica Rabbit. It was hard for me to figure out what felt good, much less looked good when I danced these supposedly sensual dances. I felt really awkward doing a shimmy or any type of movement that was considered "sexy" or sensual because I thought I looked ridiculous. Learning to belly dance has basically taught me that every woman's body can move beautifully in its own way. I'm still a novice at it but its great fun. The power of a shimmy, shoulder roll or a body roll when dancing is never to be underestimated and I have belly dancing to thank for that.

Closing Remarks...
There are many other dances that I've learned over the years (like cumbia, merengue, cha-cha, waltz, fox trot, two step... ) but the ones I've listed above are ones that I've invested a significant amount of time in or have made a significant impact in my life somehow and are the ones that I enjoy the most.

I'm lucky to be in Seattle - a city where all these communities of dance thrive and are so open and encouraging. The only small drawback is that these communities don't frequently intersect and so, I don't have enough days to do all the dancing I would want to.

I have a dream though, that I'll try to work on to see how far it goes: dancing heaven for me would be a place where I could dance all these dances with all my favorite dancers (leads and follow alike):

"Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing.

It's the rhythm of your life.

It's the expression in time and movement,

in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."

- Jaques D'ambroise

Letting Go

2010-11-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

As a follow in partner dancing, I am faced with an interesting challenge: finding a balance between controlling my own movement and letting go to respond to my lead.

When dancing is at its best for me, I'm not thinking about what's next. I'm not counting or worrying about my technique or over-anticipating what the next move might be. I'm not even consciously focused on catching every lead. When I'm following at my best, I'm in a zone: my mind is open: actively taking everything in. My body though under control, is relaxed. There's no 'clutter' in my head. I'm alert but not tense. I am just dancing. There is simplicity in these moments: I hear the music, I see and feel and react to my partner’s movements to dance effortlessly with the song that’s guiding us both.

While learning to dance, I have learned that letting go allows me to be fully present in the moment. When I’m dancing I'm having so much fun. It’s reinforced for me, that when I let go, I have fun. In learning to be a better dancer and follow, I learned a lot about letting go.

What happens when I am fully present is that there is nothing to stress me out and I can truly engage and enjoy my dancing. It’s probably the closest thing to a perfect zen moment for me: the harmony of movement and music is my moment of joyful meditation. I’m lucky enough to have many such moments when I go out dancing.

To let go allows me the pleasure of having all my senses focused on the present moment. The past is done, with lessons captured and learned while the future is something to look forward to.

Here’s what I learned about letting go:

1) Breathe
Breathing is essential but often taken for granted: it’s automatic. Letting go for me is often like a reset button. I find that focusing on breathing goes a long way to helping me reset. When I get tense, I start to stress: I think about my breathe and focus on taking in all that oxygen, filling my lungs, then exhaling slowly, pulling down my shoulders, letting some tension go. It helps me to relax which helps me to reset.

2) Have a Happy Thought Handy
Smiling puts you at ease so I always have a happy thought handy. Some time ago, when things weren’t going quite so well in my life, I realized that my journal was filled with all this really sad, morose and melodramatic (really? I wrote that?!) stuff. I decided to devote my energies to remembering and immortalizing happy moments. So, I have a bunch of them always handy to whip out when things get a little rough. These memories are things that can automatically put a smile on my face. They remind me of what’s important which always puts me in the present moment and helps me to let go.

3) Be Responsible for Yourself
Every dance has a basic set of rules and structure that you need to be responsible for. Know the music, know the basic step and know what the communication/connection with your partner entails. It’s just like learning a new language or subject; you need to understand that basic vocabulary to make the communication/connection work. Life is like that too – you can’t take on responsibility for things beyond your control. Letting go is all about accepting what’s within your realm of control and being responsible for it.

On Dancing Basics: Every dance will have its own set of rules and structures to follow but for me, they all have these things in common: Balance and Posture. If you work on understanding your body well enough that you can maintain your balance and posture when moving, this can only help you be a better dancer.

4) Be Yourself: Trust Yourself
No one is better at being you than you so why try to be like someone else? It’s great to have role models and to aspire to be as good as someone else BUT, you still have to be true to yourself. If you can't trust yourself then you won't be able to let go enough to take a lead from someone else. If you don't trust yourself you’ll be second guessing yourself every step of the way and you’ll never really understand who you are as a dancer and a person. The coolest part about letting go is you get to just be you. You're out there to have fun and enjoy the dancing and whatever aspects of life are out there to be relished.

5) Leave Mr. Critic and Ms Am-I-Good-Enough at the door
It’s hard enough to engage in learning something that involves physical coordination. Now add to that the music and someone else who's lead you have to respond to. That's a lot all at once. I say, leave these two characters at the door. When Mr. Critic is telling you "better do it right" and Ms. Am-I-Good-Enough is whispering "don't mess it up!" it’s hard to focus on the now. If they're being stubborn about it, try focusing on breathing and smiling. Have a happy memory handy and better yet, find that guy or gal that you know that you’ll have a good dance with to reset: it’ll help you find that fun in what you’re doing which makes these two characters totally mute.

6) It’s just a dance and there's always another
I don't spend time dwelling on bad dance because there is always another and I have so many good ones to feed my energy for the night. Every dance is different because of the music, because of who you're dancing with and where you are. Every night I’ve gone out dancing, there have always been those dances that just make me smile because they were just so good. Don’t let some poopy head ruin your dancing joy – its really not worth it.

7) When all Else Fails: Back to the Beginning
When in doubt go back to the basics. If you trust that you are responsible for yourself and you find things are somewhat out of control, and then just stick to the basics. When you’re following and not quite sure that you are, clear out the styling, the fancy footwork and focus on the basic so that you can then focus on the lead. When you’re stressing out about dancing, remember why you do it: it’s supposed to be fun right?

8) LISTEN
There's listening and then there's LISTENING. I’m not just talking about what you hear: LISTENING involves what you see and what you feel. It’s really more about engaging your senses - all of them. Being fully present allows you to get to that zen moment with as little friction as possible. If you're too caught up in the wrong thing, it will be easy for you to lose sight of your lead and miss a cue. If you're thinking about the mistake you just made or whether or not what you did was correct, then you are not paying attention to what's coming next. If you’re too worried about styling the arm, you’ll likely miss the next move.

9) Have fun and enjoy the ride
Here’s the bonus that you get with letting go when you dance: the pure joy of the experience. It’s uncluttered and simply lovely. Who doesn’t want that all the time?

10) Trust in the Best Possible Outcome

There is power in positive thinking, you put your energies in a better place and it can only beget more of the same. I'm getting a little meta-physical here but I've never gone out to dance with a negative thought in mind. I may be tired or nervous or sleep-walking, but I'm looking forward to dancing because of how much fun it is. Have I had bad dances? Ofcourse! But rather than give power to that bad dance to cause me to fear dancing or shy away from it, I'll shrug it off and possibly learn how to avoid it in the future.

Parting Thought

I’ve used this quote before but I love it so I’ll put it here again as a parting thought:

"While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joy.”

Dancing Penalty

2010-10-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

My musings often take time to organize and form into coherent thoughts in my head before I can write about them but this one in particular has had a chance to sit and stir for a while AND given some recent stirrings in my dance community about injuries on the dance floor (see an older relevant post about Casualties of Salsa), I thought this should be amusing enough to share.

In social dancing, there are a few offenses that diminish the joy of dancing for people. Some are minor, some are most foul. I really don't think any should have to be "put up with" and wondered how this could be discouraged without coming across like a total bitch or ego maniac. Then it came in a burst of inspiration - what about a penalty box for dancing?!

DANCING PENALTY SYSTEM:
Any sport that involves scoring (volleyball, soccer, basketball to name a few) have penalty systems. Yellow cards or Red cards are awarded to teams that commit minor or major offenses resulting in a penalty which provides the guilty team with a disadvantage. The system I'm suggesting draws from my knowledge of penalty systems but modified for dancing. There is no referee other than the your dance partner or neighbors and I'm assuming that everyone is out dancing for the fun of it.

The other part about penalties is that they are visible and there's a "ceremony" around it. With this system, the "card" is a metaphor for something more visible like a t-shirt or arm band that says something like "dance with me at your own risk".

I'm sure my lists are far from complete so please feel free to share and add as you see fit!

YELLOW CARD: Minor Infractions
The yellow card is awarded to dancers who commit minor infractions. 2 minor infractions are the equivalent of a red card (see the next section). A yellow card is essentially a warning message to dancers and allows them a 2nd chance to correct themselves

Minor infractions consist of:
1) Bad Body Odor
2) Stepping into someone else's line when they are clearly dancing in it.
3) Dancing and not paying attention to your partner (aka showboating)
4) Asking for a dance, listening to the music and then apologizing for not knowing how to dance to the song. By then whoever you've asked has likely lost the chance to dance with someone else.
5) [For Leads] Exaggerated shaking of the arms and lots of excess motion that confuses the heck out of a follow in terms of what's coming next.
6) Taking BIG steps: bigger then you are led into and bigger than what your partner can handle
7) Grabbing someone's hand and just walking out to the dance floor without a "Hi!" or "Can I dance with you?" when its someone you don't know.
8) Not saying thank you (is some form) after the dance
9) Not dancing with your partner: this one get a little complicated but its basically implying that not everyone dances at the same level and you should dance (leads especially) to your partner's level. Follows, if you're with a beginner lead, don't do too much fancy footwork and styling because it'll throw them off.
10) Dancing off beat
11) Dropping your partner but with grace AND helping them up right away to avoid further embarrassment.
12) Leading your partner into someone else's path or line
13) Following where you're not supposed to go

RED CARD: Major Infractions
The red card is awarded instantly for any major infraction OR after the 2nd yellow card is issued. This results in the dancer having to sit out of dancing for at least 10 songs or 30 minutes. Ideally he / she can sit in the penalty box: an extremely visible location off the dance floor that is closed off so that folks who are dancing can easily see who's in the penalty box. Once their time is up, they are free to come back on the floor but any subsequent infraction will result in a Technical Foul.

Major Infractions consist of:
1) Bad Body Odor to the point where the neighboring couples around you are also impacted by your smell.
2) Unconsented groping of any kind
3) Non-stop spinning in the first three 8 counts of a song: exception to this is if you know you're partner can handle it already. Its a red card when you do it to someone you don't know and haven't given them time to warm up to.
4) Self-Dipping to the point of not supporting your own weight (if you get dropped that's your fault) If your partner doesn't assist you, they get a red card too.
5) Injury to your dance partner or neighboring dancer resulting in a that dancer having to stop dancing for a few seconds. If they can't dance at all - that's a Technical!
6) The "grip of death" which can result in injury to your partner.
7) Unsolicited teaching on the social dance floor
8) Not apologizing for major collisions on the dance floor: a major collision is one that results in the dancer stopping altogether because they've been knocked off balance or are in pain or in shock/disoriented.
9) Complex tricks on a follow who is clearly a beginner.
10) Stepping onto a crowded dance floor drink in hand and expecting the dancers to get out of your way.
11) Dropping your partner causing a serious bump or bruise or stop in their dancing. If you don't apologize or try to help, that's a Technical.
12) Taking up too much space on a crowded social dance floor.
13) Hogging your dance partner for multiple dances and not even giving them the opportunity to say yes to dancing again by just dancing with them and not letting them go.
14) Using too much force in the lead (likely resulting in injury to your dance partner)
15) Stopping to talk in the middle of a crowded social dance floor: if you want to talk, step off to the side, don't stop in the middle of a space occupied by so many people in motion!
16) Asking someone to teach you how to dance on the social dance floor, especially if you don't know them.

TECHNICAL FOUL: You're OUT!
This is an offense that is basically not tolerated in social dance circles and results in the offender being kicked out of the dance hall/location. If one has already received a 2nd red card, then that is also grounds for a Technical.
1) Telling someone that they suck at dancing in a social dancing situation.
2) Executing a complex dip with a partner that is clearly NOT ready for it
3) Aerials on a crowded dance floor (really?): BOTH partners are out in this case, one of you should know better.
4) When you can't even stand up straight because you're too drunk
5) Dropping your partner causing major injury
6) Telling someone that they shouldn't be dancing
7) Playing bump-em cars with everyone around you multiple times in the same song.
8) Crossing over your partner's personal space after they've indicated where that boundary is
9) Making someone cry on the dance floor
10) Rude, raucous and disruptive behavior

The Dance Crush

2010-09-30T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ah! So sweet, exciting, exhilarating, that scintillating feeling: dancing with your dance crush!

Social Partner Dancing is one big "flirt fest": its a celebration of movement and music with someone of the opposite sex (or role) and oh-la-la! how much fun it is with the added thrill of a crush.

And just who is the Dance Crush?
He's the guy who makes your face light up when he walks in the room... or the gal that makes your heat beat just a little faster when you see her. The dance crush is a dancer you've made a "mwah!" dance connection with on the dance floor. On top of that, he or she has caught your eye because there's something extra that you like about them: something about a smile, a swagger, a sway, a certain je ne sais quoi that you can't quite put your finger on.

When you see your dance crush different things happen: your mind goes blank, your inner giddy school girl or spazzy geeky boy emerges. Forces of attraction conspire to make you orbit nearby. Sometimes you'll stick our your chest and want to preen like a peacock to show off your 'skillz'. Sometimes you giggle at every little thing and get all googley eyed. Sometimes you just spaz out from nerves. Sometimes you get weak in the knees (and boy! am I glad I'm a follow because at least, he's holding me up when that happens). Sometimes that slap happy smile (or grin) is just plastered on your face.

Its a thrill to be near your dance crush (oh, my beating heart!) and yearning when you're not (sigh!). Admire from afar if you wish but wait! There's this thing that you both do - dancing. What a perfect excuse to have them close. You're happy when they're near and then not so much when they're far. A crush can be a doorway to something more if its mutual or temporary, a thrill to enjoy.

Crushes come and go and I've been lucky enough to befriend some of my former crushes and we continue to have great dances. I know because of the close proximity of dancing, that can create bonds and feelings of attraction (oxytocins) but these crushes are just a little bit different with a quality that's got a wee bit more on top of that dance connection. Here are some snippets or moments of "crushing" on someone:

I notice him as he dances with someone I know: someone new I haven't seen before. He looks good and he's smiling and having a great time. A few songs later, he walks up to me and offers a hand as he asks me to dance and then when we start, he sings with the band and oh my - what a voice! oooh! (swoon) I'm done for - the connection is very sweet and there's a serenade to accompany it.... heaven!

He's got looks, and moves: we have a good connection but he looks so serious, focused. I catch his eye and smile and he relaxes and smiles back. Oh my! What a smile! I'm done for, a new dance crush. I start to style and he smiles even more. Before you know it, we've danced the next 3 songs.

I'm walking outside, about to leave and he stops me on the side walk and says "Are you leaving already?" I stop and talk and realize the bands not done. I decide to return and he walks me in "Save me a dance, I'll come find you." I find my friends (they were late) and start to dance. In a few minutes, he finds me "There you are, let's dance!" He's smooth and attentive, he feels the music so well, I close my eyes as he leads me to a soulful jazzy tune. The song ends and he says "That was lovely, thanks for saving me the dance." and inside, I swoon.

"I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze...knocks me right off of my feet"
~from the song Weak by JoJo

A tribute to all my dance crushes: current, former and yet to come.

No matter how you cut it, the dance crush is a slice of sweetness whenever they're near; you get a high when you see them and even more so when you're dancing with them.

The room seems brighter, the mood lighter

Problems? worries? what are those?

A big smile: can't help it, shining, beaming

or sly like a secret - I hope no one notices

My best friend comes over, I barely say "hi !"

I only have eyes for my dance crush.

Large, wide eyed

I hope I'm not drooling

or looking a fool

for openly staring and stealing looks

Trying to be calm, be cool, be coy...

Easy does it, don't let it loose

but Oh-my-god! Did you see that? A smile, for me!

So fine, so divine

Can I get a dance? Will he ask me? Will she say yes?

So delicious,

Supercaligrafilisticexpealidotious!

I'm swept off my feet

I dance like I'm the best there is

I pray no mistakes please

Whoosh! a Rush!

so sweet, I smile - another dance perchance?

the music stops...he leaves, she leaves

I sigh

Till the next time

AND if you're not quite sure you have a dance crush, here are 10 signs that you do!

Shall We Dance?

2010-09-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

Asking someone to dance can be a challenging prospect. After all, putting yourself out there, open to rejection, is never an easy thing to do.

I'm writing to share my thoughts on who should be doing the asking and how to respond. One of the best ways to improve your dancing is to get out of the classroom and onto the social dance floor. One of the biggest hurdles to social dancing (especially for a beginner or someone new) is the daunting thought of asking someone for a dance. I offer some thoughts, tips and entertainment to those of you interested in the topic.

[A small digression]"Shall We Dance?"
For me, this phrase is inextricably tied my childhood memory of a song in the movie The King and I (1956) with Yul Brynner as the King and Deborah Kerr as Ana. The King had just seen a polka and Ana explains the dance with a song. He is supposed to be learning western ways and he asks her to teach him about the dance. [ Check it out through this youtube link. ] The scene demonstrates the joy of learning a new close dance and a little bit about the romance in dancing.. sigh! I had a big crush on Yul Brynner ...
[ok, back to the topic at hand]

WHO SHOULD BE ASKING?
I've often been asked why follows don't ask leads to dance more. In this modern day of feminism, it seems to be expected or taken for granted that its perfectly fine for follows to ask a lead to dance.

Here's an indisputable fact: there are 2 roles in Social Partner dancing - a LEAD and a FOLLOW.

A LEAD initiates the movements, provides direction during the dance, sets the tone for the dance, gives their follow's the cues on what to do next and make sure that the follows are taken care of on the dance floor. A FOLLOW responds to the directions of the lead, enhances wherever possible, oftentimes inspiring the LEAD and completes the movement of the dance. LEAD, then FOLLOW.

So, who should be asking? LEADs

"C'mon! At this day and age, women should also feel free to ask the guy to dance!"

Yes, that's true. Certainly when there are good friends around, a simple "hi!" is synonymous with "let's dance!". BUT, if you just think about the 2 roles: LEADS initiate. Its really that simple.

I remember something an instructor said in a workshop (the instructor is a lead): "Leads, MAN UP! When you see ladies waiting on the side, don't wait for them to ask you to dance, step up, ask them to dance and lead them to the dance floor!"

Easier said than done right?

LEADS
There's a lot to do: the pressure, the stress of having to think of the moves, take care of the follow, etc.

BUT - here's the bottom line: it's your perogative! You can choose to ask anyone you wish! Sure, they might say no, but you do the asking and can determine you're dance card for the night.

General Guidelines:

Be nice, smile and introduce yourself. [check out simple rules for social dancing ]
If you're not sure, watch 1st before asking (that applies to the music too! Listen before you ask.)
Emulate confidence: even if you're not quite sure what you're doing, confidence can be the difference between a great dance and an ordinary one. So what if you only know 4 sequences? Dance them with relish and smile!
When your out of town, try not to be a snob against your fellow "townies": I've travelled to other congresses with folks from my own city and I sometimes hear "I'm not dancing with anyone from [insert home city here]" because they're so excited to dance with new people. I'd just like to point out that starting the night out with a fantastic dance with someone you know can help you both! You can both "strut" you stuff and show off your follow in a room full of strangers and they'll all want to dance with you (and your follow). [Yup - this one applies to follow's too.]
Don't make a lame excuse about a follow being so busy you couldn't ask them to dance. Here's a universal truth: if one wants something bad enough, they'll make it happen.
Sometimes, you just get a lemon: keep remembering, its only a few minutes, let it roll off your back and find a good follow/friend to dance with after that to get you back on track.
Sometime, you just get a lemon with a live band: ok, this takes longer... so wait for for the song to go for a few minutes before you ask a total stranger to dance with live bands. They've been known to play 15 minute songs and that can be an eternity sometimes... just let it roll off your back.
Don't be a dance hog - unless of course, she's ready and willing. Dancing multiple songs one after the other can be misconstrued as rude. I think its polite to dance multiple dances with someone, especially if you had a great dance to begin with, but, don't monopolize the follow's time. You can always ask them to dance again later.

FOLLOWS
As a follow, I don't do a lot of asking because I strongly believe for the dance to be successful, it relies a lot on the LEADS initiative right from the get go. There are exceptions of course, with good friends and people I'm familiar with, I greet them with a warm hello and they'll ask me to dance if they're so inclined. If not, no sweat. If I really want a dance with a friend, I'll ask if they don't.

Most leads tell me that it should be easy for a follow to ask a lead to dance: what guy would say no to a girl? Believe me, leads have turned follows down before. Skip to the "Never Assume" section below to make sure you don't take it to heart.

Follows, if you do ask the leads, I suggest doing it sparsely. I think that if you establish yourself as one that asks, then you don't get asked to dance. If its working for you though, by all means continue (go girl!) - see my universal truth below.

At the risk of giving away some feminine wiles, here are some ways to "invite" the guys to ask:

As you see a lead dancing to them music on his own, catch his eye and start jamming along with him. Anyone that into dancing will see you dancing and its highly likely that you'll end up dancing together
A warm smile and hello does wonders, especially if you reach out with both hands to great them.
Never look like a wall flower: I know this is hard when you're in a new place by yourself. Smile, dance to the music, walk around and find the "advanced corner" and enjoy the show. When you look like you're enjoying the music, you'll get asked to dance.
When you catch someone's eye that you want to dance with, just give them a big smile and slightly incline your head towards the dance floor - that's usually a good enough hint.

RESPONDING
My universal rule: do what your heart tells you, without disrespecting those around you - especially with something as fun as dancing.

Accompaniment to my universal rule: don't take anything personally, its just a dance.

My personal policy is that I will dance with everyone at least once unless I've been warned ahead of time that the person is too drunk to hold himself up or is clearly not there for the dancing. I feel strongly that everyone has to start somewhere and I don't want to discourage people from dancing if I can help it.

There's always this "stigma" when you turn someone down. In the end, its just a dance and not some vital judgement on the character of a person. Here are something to consider when you do ask someone and they say "No."

Never Assume
There are always 2 sides to every story (and sometimes more as it gets retold by others). If you get rejected when asking someone to dance, don't dwell on it too much or read too much into it! There are too many reasons why someone would say no in that moment and life is much better if you let it roll of your back and move on.

Here's what I suggest: Don't take the rejection personally!

Don't come up with some story about why they said no. For all you know, the lady is pregnant and very tired and here you thought she hated your dancing.
Don't feel bad if you see the person dancing with someone else: they could be partners, boyfriends, best friends. Its not about you in that case, its between them.
Don't let it ruin your dance night.
If its someone you'd really like to dance with then ask again later but don't be a "stalker" I'd say after being rejected 3 times - move on!
When they say "next dance" assume they mean in it and come to find them. If they're not there, move on, if they are, well, you know what to do.

On the subject of saying "No"
I'm not advocating that one has to say "yes" every time one is asked for a dance. Follows/Leads if you're not up for it than just be polite and respectful: a simple "No Thank you" should suffice. Don't promise the next dance if you don't want to. Don't try to make an excuse.

Do I like getting rejected? No, but the truth is, I have no control over what other people do and I do have control over what I do. So, I'm suggesting that you develop a thicker skin and not dwell on the rejection.

When all is said and done: do not to let some poopy head ruin the joy of dancing for you! Stay true to yourself, dancing is so much fun (here's why I love it) - enjoy it.

Retreat

2010-09-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

Retreat: removing oneself from day to day life to focus on something else, usually spiritual or self-discovery.

I'm on the tail end of my latest vacation - a Salsa and Yoga Retreat in Oaxaca, Mexico (you can check it out the link to the right -> ) If you're even wondering if its worth it to try - STOP. It IS.

In the last 9 days, I've had the pleasure of meeting and getting to now some wonderful people that I hope to stay in touch with and see again. I've been bitten by mosquitoes and other small critters (ay!). I've eaten some amazing food and drank hot chocolate evey night. I've danced with some amazing dancers, worked on my own dancing and helped others with theirs I've returned to Oaxaca to see it lush and green and teeming with beautiful flowers amidst the colorful decorations of Mexican bi-centennial independence.

Its my last day here in Mexico and I have one more adventure left - a temezcal spa treatment to "cleanse" me as I get ready to return to "reality".

My flickr photo blog will soon be flooded with the many pictures I've taken but before that happens, I thought I'd at least share some highlights from my trip.

I realized the bug spray has an expiration ... basically, one needs to spray every 4 hours or so before the bugs work up the courage to come back and bite you again.

Dancing is so joyful - I knew this already. I was able to just dive into it everyday, share it with old and new friends alike and watch everyone blossom as they too immersed in the dance.

There are so many stories to hear and share with people - even ones that I consider close friends. Time is always well spent when you start to share more and more of yourself, with people you trust and enjoy.

Oaxaca is a land of so many wonderful treasures: from the food, to the chocolate (yes, a class of its own), to the people, to the colorful windows and doorways, to the various flora and fauna that are thriving, now that the rains have come.

Lying in a hammock under the shade of trees, reading is a wonderful thing...I wish I could put a hammock in my 1 bedroom apartment back in Seattle.

Casa Colonial

Eating out after Salsa dancing is universal! I had my 1st taste of Mexican pizza at 4am on the streets of Oaxaca.

Mexican Chocolate: with milk, with coffee, just smelling it - warms my soul

I've had the pleasure to meet and befriend some wonderful women who I hope to see again soon in Seattle, in San Francisco and who-knows-where-else :D

Corn covered in mayonnaise, cheese, cayenne pepper and lime juice is AMAZING.

Dancing in the crowded floor at La Candela was incredibly casualty free.

I am still surprised by how infectious my joy in dancing can be: if everyone danced, this world we live in would be so wonderfully different.

Dancing is ageless; you can come to it at any time in your life and still enjoy it as much as if you danced all your life.

I wish I could continue, doing yoga for an hour, dancing 2-3 hours of salsa (or some other dance) everyday... despite the humidity and the bugs.

I'm lucky though, when I get back home, I'll have the comfort of my bed, no more bugs to contend with, will still have dancing to look forward to (oh yes!) and my family to laugh and hug again. I'll even bring back chocolate from Oaxaca so I can enjoy that for a little bit longer.

Almost everyone that came to the retreat has left... its quite and somewhat lonely but I'm happy and content.

The 1st trip to Oaxaca transformed my dancing and helped me take it "up a notch". I met one of my best friends on that trip. This 2nd time around is no different.

I'm sad to leave this wonderful place but I'm excited for the new friends I've made (we'll see each other again).

Salsa Retreat Sept. 2010 and Tumbao Instructors

Change

2010-08-04T18:18:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite venues for salsa dancing got a new home this week. Boy, did that stir the pot!

Having been through many major changes in my life, I am of the mind that change, while difficult, is a good thing in the long run. I attribute that to the suprising adaptability of the human spirit or the belief that things happen for a reason to ensure progress for the better or some combination of the two.

If there is one thing that change does do without fail is that it triggers re-examination of likes, dislikes, what's important, what's not and what one desires. It challenges you especially when its unexpected or unplanned and it can bring out the worst or the best in people that are affected. It also brings out fear which has a funny way of changing your judgement: something that was not that good (AND that you've complained about) but familiar, becomes that much better by comparison.

Reactions are varied: some embrace it wholeheartedly (going with the flow), some are repelled by it (resisting it when they can) and others, just like the turtle racing the hare, take things slowly but surely and adapt to it.

So, what's the change that triggered this writing then?

THE COMFORTABLE FAMILIAR THING:
Every Monday night, there's a salsa practica at a place called Halo. Its located in Capitol Hill in Seattle (WA). Its housed in a building with a yoga studio. The most prominent display on the block is a a costume store. The space has a wooden floor for dancing and wall space to promote art from local artists. There are rolling mirrors and wall mirrors, fans in set corners to help cool things down when needed and speakers situated around the room.

Monday night Salsa at Halo, to me felt like a local neighborhood pub (kind of like Cheers) for salsa dancers. Its a place that invited all levels of experience. The beginner dancer can come and enjoy the dance with less stress and pressure than going to a dance club. The experienced dancer enjoys the informal atmosphere. Its a great way to start the week - the venue opens by 7:30pm and ends by 11:00pm so its not that late for a week night. A variety of salsa styles come to dance: on1, mambo, casino and rueda de casino. In my humble opinion, it is the most welcoming place for any salsa beginner to get their feet wet with social dancing. The ambiance was homey, comfortable, welcoming and most of all familiar.

This past week, Halo Practica's moved to East Hall, located in the another building a few blocks away that houses the main ballroom, where salsa is taught and danced in on other nights of the week.

THE CHANGE:
East Hall is now the new location for Monday night Salsa Practica.
East Hall is slightly smaller, more rectangular in shape [a difference of about 100 square feet]
There are no poles in the space to dance around (or with)
There are high ceilings in the new space
There is no yoga studio next door that puts a constraint on sound volume in the beginning of the night.
There is air-conditioning (though it wasn't operating on the 1st night)
The lighting is much brighter (there are some lighting changes to come)
The DJ booth is an actual booth and not just a table with equipment
There are nice benched on one side with shelves to store shoes on another. On one side there are windows mounted on the wall. By comparison, at Halo, there was an eclectic mix of sofa/chaises/folding chairs/side tables and lamps. (I believe there are more furniture additions to come into East Hall.)
The sound was a bit muffled because of the high ceilings (there are some changes on the way to fix that: curtains/fabric to hang from the ceilings) while at Halo, it was too quiet to hear because it had to be set to a lower volume so as not to disturb the yoga studio.
There were no "spots" or "corners" established yet: every dance hall has that "advanced corner" or that "beginner corner" or some other group's corner... because this place was new and very hot, the only "corners" were the "cooling corners" where the fans were located.

THE REACTIONS:
Opening night was PACKED! it got off to a slow start but in the end, there were lots of people, more than usual and lots of newbies and regulars made for a fantastically HOT (in all ways) night of dancing.

From my perspective, its wasn't the actual physical place that was important, it was the community that I fell into (still there) that I enjoyed. Now, I haven't been around as long as some other people in the community have been, so perhaps my attachment to the "old pub" just wasn't established yet. I kind of feel like the place got a make-over which is all good.

What follows are quotes from people about the new space and some descriptions peppered with my commentary [bracketed in italics] just to show you how varied the response was. I am not judging anything by writing them here, merely stating what I heard and my reactions where applicable.

"Its free so I came and if the dancing is going to be as good as it is tonight, I'm coming back for sure."

"Its too bright in here"

"The space is a LOT smaller" [Actually no, Halo was squarish and East Hall is a rectangle and besides, Halo had these beams that got in the way.]

"I miss those beams: I used them to dance" [???!!! apparently dancers used the beams as support or a prop to dancing or as a boundary so no one else and "cut into the slot" when is crowded!]

"The sound is bad" [But wasn't it just as bad, if not worse at Halo? I mean we couldn't turn up the volume till past 9!]

In the old space, there was a geography to learn about which groups of dancers hovered in which areas. In this new space nothing was claimed but the speculations on who would hang out where have already begun.

"I just liked Halo... I miss it already"

"This isn't bad, as long as they fix the AC"

"Its crowded tonight." [um, yes, Halo got crowded too... besides, tonight is free remember?]

"Do you think they will go back to Halo if nobody likes it?"

"We have to find a new place to go eat afterward" [This part is true, the group got somewhat splintered though my little group ended up finding a fantastic NY Style Pizza joint - yummy!]

MY OWN TAKE:
My own reaction was positive overall. I had a fantastic night of dancing with folks that I regularly see as well as some folks I hadn't seen in a while (apparently the free night brought them out). There were some interesting interactions and I loved the new space because of the high ceilings and the fact that there were no poles to deal with. The heat was a bit much, but the old space was just as bad last summer, at least from what I remember. I got one of the best compliments about my dancing from a total stranger and some of the sweetest ones from people that I already know and dance with a lot.

PARTING THOUGHTS:
Change is inevitable. I think its a necessary stimulus that can produce some of life's best work. Its never easy though, especially when the change involves something you are comfortable with or really love.

There was a time in my life when change scared me. I thought it far easier to resist and stay where I was. The truth was that staying in place was tiring and I found that when I let go, accepted the changes and looked for the positive opportunities that were there, lo and behold, there they were. I mean I still get afraid but I know that I'll be ok so the fear doesn't take over as much as it used to.

In the end, I trust myself and the people I interact with in a meaningful way. I believe that the universe at large generates flows that lead you to what's best for you, if you're open to seeing them. As things change, I become stronger, more able to face the next change and usually, blessed with more to be grateful for that I didn't have or notice before.

Time will tell what the changes moving to East Hall will bring... I have a feeling though, it will work out for the best in the end. The spirit of the place is still there in the people that come to dance every Monday night.

PS Shout out to the folks at the Century Ballroom: Hallie, Deron, Alison and everyone else there who have made dancing so accessible, fun, warm and a BLAST! We are so lucky to have you guys around :)

I Dance Because

2010-07-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

Dancing always brings me joy (with a few exceptions) and I become a broken record if you hear me talk about my experiences. Last night I had an incredible night of dancing because it involved so many dances (belly dancing, tango, bachata, salsa, mambo) with some rare surprises. It inspired me to write this entry as a tribute to dancing. There's no particular rhyme or reason to the order, I just wanted to share.

I dance because ...

its fun
its active
its such a high
its beautiful
it social
it brings me joy
it makes me smile
it enriches my life
it provides me with adventures to share and write about
it takes me out of myself: to follow a lead and listen to music and experience the purity of that connection
it helps me to just BE
it makes the trivial troubles of the day disappear
it makes my serious troubles easier to deal with
it give me so much positive energy
I can be renewed and energized
my mind and body are one with the music and the lead that I'm dancing with to make magic!
it cures my sinuses and helps me breathe
when I dance I can't be mad for very long
I can take flight: float, glide, spin, sway, shimmy, skip and play with someone else, in harmony to music
I can be bring out anything that's in me:
I can be sassy
I can be sexy
I can be flirty
I can be goofy
I can be smooth
I can improvise and make something with someone else to a song that's playing in the background
I can interact with people just as passionate about dancing as I am
I can see good friends
I can meet new friends
I can have fun with total strangers
I sometimes encounter praise from unexpected sources
I get compliments from my peers and people I respect
dancing is a metaphor for life and many a hard lesson can be learned through dance with less dire consequences
I have stories that I can share about things that can happen out on the dance floor
I have electric connections that make my hair stand on end
I can be in the arms of some "hunky guy"
I love the hugs
I know that there's so much to learn: different dances, different styles, the music, the history
even when I have so-so moments, they are over in a few minutes, easily replaced by something better
I can, with someone else, create movement so in tune with music, its just too cool for words
amazing connections are such a pleasant surprise when dancing total strangers
amazing connections can potentially blossom into something more
I can close my eyes and still make magic
I can help someone else pick up their day
I can show someone else how much fun they can have
I can feel like a rock star
I learn something new about myself
I learn something new I didn't think my body could do
I learn about how to deal with people
I learn to communicate without words
I am free to express myself, be myself
I can just be me without judgment: let go, feel, react, respond, create new energy
there's just nothing quite like the high it can give when everything is just right
I believe that if everyone danced, the negative energy in the world would have nowhere to stick to.
I love it
its just a part of who I am.

Gratitude Break 07-26-2010

2010-07-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. ~Brian Tracy

In my life, I have a lot to be grateful for and I make it a practice to at least once a day, think of something to say "thanks!" for. Every now and again, a public acknowledgment of what those things are is my way of giving greater thanks to the universe for all the unexpected and wonderful things that happen.

This past few weeks have been particularly stressful for various reasons. There was nothing major or life threatening. I just noticed that I was getting upset about things that I would normally have a higher tolerance for. My patience was as thin as tissue: random, unrelated events were inconvenient and irritating. A veritable "pain" in {insert the appropriate body part here}. These events interrupted the normally flow of life that I have. Its like feeling turbulence on an otherwise smooth ride and that turbulence generating a nagging worry that something worse could happen. I found myself stressing out more than necessary and working hard to make sure it didn't.

A few things happened in succession over the last few days and just like "That!" I'm back on my smooth ride again. The fact that this realization happened on a Monday, the start of a new week, the beginning of a waning full moon.... coincidence?

Anyway, the point of this post is to share what I have to be grateful for so here goes:

Confessions
In the wee am hours of the weekend, an old friend who is happily married with kids found me online and we chatted for a bit. He recently went through knee surgery which was keeping him up (otherwise, we wouldn't intersect much at night, given that we're on opposite coasts). I commiserated on the knee having been through the same ordeal. We got to reminiscing and as he tells me how much he enjoys reading about my daily adventures, he reveals that when we first met, he had thought about asking me out. I laughed (virtually) and confessed that when I first met him, I had a mini-crush but I thought he was unavailable. He then told me that in the time when we first met, he had come to decision that he needed to be with someone Jewish and shortly after making that resolve, met his now wife. I joked about it saying that someone Chinese doesn't exactly qualify as Jewish and he said that I definitely have some "Jewish" in me. For some reason, this whole conversation just made me smile. I guess no matter how old the admiration or what the current circumstances are, when someone you like reveals that they like you too - that always feels good.

Jet Skiing - A First
I went jet skiing for the first time and had so much fun that despite the loss of my favorite pair of sunglasses (it jumped off my face mid-jump and I couldn't let go to catch it because I was hanging on for dear life!) I was unphased. In the past that one incident alone would've put a damper on everything but what happened was the opposite and it was really quite refreshing. Instead of dwelling on it, I promptly forgot about it, and had a blast watching my niece and her cousin (6 and 5 years old respectively) laugh and enjoy their turns on the jet ski!

A Totally Unexpected Outcome
Recently, I discovered that I bought a fake product from a bad seller. I took the time to try to fix it with some help (no go!), work with the manufacturer (who told me it was a fake), contact the seller (who, was clearly no longer a seller in good standing) and check policies about sellers (the guarantee had expired). I realized that based on all that, I wasn't going to be able to get anything back as compensation for a broken fake. I was making my last call to give feedback on the seller and follow-up when the representative I spoke to gave me the best resolution possible: a one time exception resulting in me getting a brand new replacement, from the real manufacturer with a net of no extra cost. BONUS!!!

Another First
A student and enthusiast of a dance called Kizomba, I was helping my teacher out at a workshop. It was a small class and we got to work one on one with everyone there. I got to dance and help some folks figure things out for themselves. All in all, a great time. At the end of the workshop, I received some money from my teacher for helping out. I realized that this is my first "official" dance teaching gig since I was paid to help teach. WOW!

Always There
I was drinking my ice cold vanilla latte on this wonderful sunny Monday as I was heading back to my office. I was feeling pretty good about being given a discount even thought it expired yesterday when I realized what a wonderful weekend I had just had, listing in my head, all the things that made up the weekend. A large part of it was the time I spent with my sister and extended family and it dawned on me right then that I will never be afraid of being alone as I grow older because I've been blessed with additions to my family and an extended family that will always be there for me (in addition to the wonderful friends that I have).

The Tumbleweed Effect
You may be surprised to see me write this as I am normally quite grounded in science and technology and not likely to be seen as "holistic" at first glance. I am very much a believer of what I've referred to as the ultimate karmic reality: "what comes around goes around".

So - if you fill your life with thing that you are happy to do and be with and be grateful for, then the universe conspires to keep you there, rewarding you with more of the same, often times in ways that you will not anticipate.

The universe as a whole, leans towards happier balance so that despite some of the bad things that can happen, there is always something that will offset it to put it right again. Some people only see the negative and thus choose to live in that space, blind to the positive things that do happen.

Why? Given a choice, be grateful for what's good: live in the good space and see what unfolds.

Step By Step

2010-07-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Social dancing, while fun, can also be a source of stress for the beginner dancer. For me, dancing is such a joy that when I started to social dance, I didn't have any problems progressing from my 1st set of classes into having it be such an integral part of my life.

No matter what happens with me and dancing in the future, I will always be an advocate for it. Dancing in any form has much to offer. If you have any inkling at all about the potential that dance can have in your life or are even curious about the pure enjoyment and joy it can bring, I'd like to help push you along.

So what's stopping you?

"I can't dance because...."

I'm a klutz
I'm too uncoordinated
I have no rhythm
I don't want to make a complete ___ of myself
It looks hard and I don't have time to invest in it
I don't want to

Here's the simple answer to everything except "I don't want to.": Dancing can be as basic as walking to a beat. So, if you can walk, you can dance.

OK, fair enough, you may not buy that but if you're still reading, I'm assuming that you have some interest in it already and have taken 1st steps. You may be contemplating taking it up again or are just plain curious. Here's some advice or things to consider as you start. My hope is that it helps you discover how fulfilling and wonderful social dancing can be: to grow and connect with yourself, movement, music and the world around you. If not, at the very least, if should be mildly entertaining ;)

BREATHE and Remember "Why am I doing this?"
What starts out as the reason to try something new can vary from person to person but to sustain it, the reason has be something worthwhile.

For me it was curiosity and then by golly, I had so much fun, I was hooked.

You've probably started because of one or more of these (or variations of these) reasons:

its always been on your list of things to try and now, the planets are aligned or you have time or its just next door
you saw people dancing and said - hey! that looks like fun, I wanna do that too
a friend (or friends) urged you to join in and you're finally giving in or open to it and say "why not"
you're new in town and want to meet people while doing something active
you're interested in someone and you know that they dance so you're thinking if you learn to dance, that would be one way to get to know them
you're seeing someone who loves it and want to be able to share a dance with them without looking like a total spaz... not to mention how much he/she will appreciate it (MAJOR Bonus Points!)
YOU want to look THAT GOOD [you've seen some performance, you tube video, random dancing through a glass window, at a club, on the beach, etc.]
you've broken up with someone that dances and want to show them up "see what you're missing? Yes, I've gotten to be really good at this."
you love the music and would like to groove to it
you're ready for something new and different that's active an involves other people and isn't too expensive

So, whatever got you to start, you have to eventually find something worthwhile to continue it. If you find yourself stressing over this new activity take a moment and breathe to remember why you're doing it in the first place. If the relieves your stress great! If not, then read on and see if the other tips help you relieve that stress.

Patience, Grasshopper.
Often, the biggest reasons someone takes themselves out of the path to social dancing "nirvana" (or any new learning nirvana) is themselves: you are your own worst enemy. It boils down to you being your own harshest critic which is totally stressful and not much fun. How can you learn something new (keyword - new and therefore unfamiliar) when you're constantly judging yourself? In the beginning, you gotta turn that critic off! Duct tape that critical mouth shut and focus on staying open to learning. Remember the joy in discovery? That's what you want to focus on. Keep it in perspective, especially for the 1st 6 months or so. Its not going to happen overnight.

When you find yourself being overly critical of yourself - STOP.
When you find yourself getting impatient for results - STOP.
If you feel silly - LAUGH and SMILE
If you make mistakes - its yours, own it, correct it for the next time
If its not what you thought - that's alright, now you know better.

All in good time grasshopper!

[In case you're wondering "Patience Grasshopper" comes from an old TV Series back in the 70's starring David Carridine called Kung Fu. The protagonist is a shaolin monk whose master would always give this advice to help the monk as a boy, cope with everything that he had to learn.]

It Starts One Step at a Time
This is metaphorical and literal at the same time.

People often bite off more than they can chew when they are eager to do something. I'm suggesting you go smaller than that, and take a NORMAL pace. This is so true for anything that involves movement and body coordination. TAKE SMALL STEPS. You're learning new movement patterns to what is likely new music so don't get ahead of yourself. When you take a step, stay balanced with you're weight underneath you. Big steps will get you off balance. Its all about keeping your feet under your body . One of the biggest mistakes a beginning dancer can make is to take HUGE steps in the beginning. Not needed. Think about getting from A to B in the calmest way. Stick with your natural stride and stay balanced.

Metaphorically speaking its a well used cliche: you need to be patient with yourself and take things one step at a time Set yourself up to succeed and establish a reasonable expectation when you're first learning to dance. You can feel progress with each step, and even if you have to adjust your stride, at least you're still making progress. As you get more experience and figure out the best way to learn and your body just has the movement down or the music is starting to get under your skin, you'll make bigger strides and the satisfaction you feel will just grow from there.

Find the Right Teacher
Not everyone learns the same way so if you're stress is associated with the person that's teaching, learn from someone else! All it takes is the right person to learn from and BAM! you're in it for some time. Not everyone that teaches is a good teacher. If your not happy with who you're learning from, don't let that stop you from what could be one of the most fantastic things you'll ever do. Spend a little time to research on other options, go out and talk to people in the scene. If you see someone who you love to watch dancing, ask them for their advice (politely, not in a stalker way). I find that if you begin with "I love the way you dance!" and then follow-up with asking them for who they would recommend as teachers, that's usually a good start.

Place no blame on you or your teacher: you can't be mad about something you didn't know about before you started doing something. Did I confuse you yet? If you're problem is that you're not learning from the right person - it's not your fault, or theirs for that matter. Things just didn't fit. If you hold a grudge, what good will that do you? If you put yourself down, even worse! Take a breathe, remember why you're dong this and try to find someone else to learn from.

Practice Makes Perfect
Dancing is a complex learning: its not just about steps, its about music, counts, rhythms, step patterns and working with someone else who's going through the same thing you're going through: learning something new. The only way to get really good at it is to do it a LOT: do the steps, listen to the music, count to the music, count when you're stepping, visualize when you can't do it, and please, go out dancing! A class is a nice safe environment but nothing teaches more than actual experience. It takes time to establish yourself in something new and that applies as well to being recognized and eventually making friends with the dancers you see in the places you go out dancing.

If you have the right studio or teacher, there will be places for you to go and practice that's not a club. Go for it! Spend a little time to research and practice what you've learned because it is the only way to get better.

There are other types of events that can help as well: camps, congresses or vacations related to dancing. These are not for everyone but they will definitely help you get immersed in dancing. There are dance events all the world! You can always combine learning to dance with going somewhere you've never been! Double the fun an adventure.

Whatever you do: practice!!!!

Reach Out and Ask Someone
While the world of dance has it's fair share of attitudes good and bad, I think its safe to say that everyone that's been dancing and loves it will NOT be shy about talking about it. Go out and practice and spend some time to watch the more experienced people dancing and then reach out and ask.

Take a Break
Sometimes, you just need to step away. So do that and if there was some hook in you that was lost in all the stress, you'll feel it again and at right moment, it will reel you back in.

My first social dance was swing dancing and while I was getting into it, I met someone and fell deeply in "like". Things did not work out and because I associated the dancing too much with being with him and I just got sad about dancing. So, I stopped and within about 6 months, I got the bug again when I ran into some people dancing outside on a beautiful day. I started dancing again and realized that the joy of dancing is pretty pure and shouldn't be associated with anyone person. So, here I am! Dancing again and forever

Parting Words: On Learning
I'm the type of person that LOVES to learn. I could just spend my whole life in pursuit of learning things but the practicalities of that get in the way. So, while I realize that not everyone is as crazy about learning or takes to it as easily as I do, I still want to make a point that learning in any form is a good thing.

It is a challenge to knowingly place yourself in unfamiliar territory. On top of all that, as adults, we've already learned to measure and judge how we do things: "Is this good enough?" As a learner, you're new to it, so how can you be good at it? When you 1st start, you've got to turn off all your "fears" about that "new" thing and focus on what got you there in the 1st place. Those judgments are not just about grading yourself but also about how long its taking you. Everything has its own pace and timing - you've got to respect your own learning process.

Imagine the unabashed abandon young kids have when they experience something new. They dive headlong into it, asking questions, experimenting doing what they do without a single self-editing thought. It's interesting to them, so they ask, they do, they talk about it: what drives them is the pure fun they have of whatever it is they're interested in learning more about. NO JUDGMENTS. Take my niece, she loves dinosaurs. She's only 6 and is a veritable encyclopedia! If I need to know something about it, I'll ask her and she'll know the answer. I am in awe at how a 6 year old can easily name and give a profile for almost any dinosaur that I come across at a toy store.

As you start to learn something new give it time without sabotaging it.

Here's a quote that just about sums it all up for me and what's true about dance in this quote is just as true about learning:

"While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance."

Dance Face

2010-06-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

This is a tribute to my fellow dancers whose enthusiasm and love of the dance is expressed not only through their movements but also on their faces. These are the looks that I fondly refer to as "Dance Face".

A Quick Note: I focused on the faces that bring me joy and smiles. There are many other faces that evoke things that are not as enjoyable and I didn't write those down. Why dance if you're not having fun?

The “Blue Steel" Dance Face
A somewhat serious dance face: pursed lips, cheeks sucked in, brows a little furrowed and chin down with eyes not quite focused on you (his or her partner). This is a look that tells me my dance partner’s alter ego has appeared and I feel like I’m in a movie moment sharing a wonderful dance (usually) with my leading man.

The "Seriously Sexy" Dance Face
This is the look that says “Oh yeah, I’m getting my sexy on!”. This face invites an interaction that is intense and seductive. The lead only has eyes for his dance partner: he is the dark, brooding leading man, smoldering as he turns to face his leading lady. The lady is a seductress: fierce, strong and untamable as she only has eyes for her lead.

The "Cary Grant" Dance Face
I’m dating myself but if you don’t know who Cary Grant is, he’s one of my favorite leading men of all time. He always played that quintessential gentleman, polite, cool, always pleasant, never phased by anything, using humor to mask anything unpleasant. This look exudes confidence and ease; often accompanied by a relaxed smile and a twinkle in the eye. This interaction is guaranteed to be flirtatious and gracious with a light and breezy air.

The "Serious" Dance Face
For me, dancing is a joyful celebration and unless I’m dancing to “save my life” – it happens sometimes when I’m with a really good lead and the music FAST! – I just smile when I dance. For some people though, their visage is serious, formal and sometimes severe. This doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying themselves, it just means that they’re focused on what they are doing. If you’re dancing with this person what you need to look for is their reaction as soon as the dance ends. If you have a “mwah!” dance with this dancer, odds are that when the dance is done, a huge smile will break out on their face like the sun breaking through clouds.

The "Passionate" Dance Face
A face full of passion where you can sense every note in the music and every beat of the song directly through this person’s face and body. Eyes sometimes shut or half-open, mouth open and body fully engaged in the expression of the dance. When you’re dancing with this person, you’ll feel their passion flow through to you. It can get “mucho caliente!” on the dance floor.

The “Oh-My-God Did I Do That Right?" Dance Face
Questioning, unsure, this look is one that’s usually on a beginner’s face. It’s a face that’s puzzled, worried and concerned: "did I do that right?" If you encounter this face, just smile right back at them to take the edge off and help put them back at ease.

The "Oops!" Dance Face
Whether it’s a misled move or a missed lead, this face is almost an apology that gives away that something didn’t go quite as planned. Handled with grace, it’s usually accompanied by a smile or a shrug. Sometimes, you can see the “teeth smile” plastered on their face. For the serious dancer, you may see that rare sheepish smile break out. For others, the “O” mouth and then smile that turns a "faux pas" into a playful moment.

The "All Smiles" Dance Face
Ah! So infectious! This dancer’s joy is evident all the time and one can’t help but smile when one dances with them. There's no need to guess: this person is thoroughly enjoying the dance because it’s written all over their smiling face.

The "What's my next move?" Dance Face
Eyebrows furrowed into a frown and at times raised high thinking. Their eyes are looking up to the heavens or off to the side as they figure out what’s next. Sometimes, I can see the brain churning as my lead is thinking about the next move he wants to make.

The "Here Goes!” Dance Face
This look oftentimes follows the “What’s my next move?” face. It conveys the energy that a lead musters up to focus on doing some new move that they’ve just figured out or learned. There’s oftentimes a gathering of energy – like a big inhale as if to say “Ok. Let’s do this.!”. When the move is done, there’s a relaxed smile of accomplishment or relief that says “well that didn’t go too badly”. Otherwise, it’s a shrug to shake it off “ok, gotta work on that more.” If everything went as planned – then check out the “Nailed It!” Dance Face for what comes next.

The "Nailed it!" Dance Face
This is the look that both lead and follow get when, like magic, everything flows and just falls into place. It could be that you’ve just executed a complicated move or that you both have hit the right accents in the music, made the right shines that are the perfect compliment to each other without saying a word. I love that secret smile that just comes out because its like you both uncovered something between the 2 of you that’s simply mah-velous!

The "Adoration" Dance Face
This is the face that I see on a lead when his follow pulls off a move that they can fully appreciate. It’s a face that displays the full admiration for their dance partner after she’s done a particularly lovely shimmy or body roll or turn or footwork or anything that “stops” them for a moment. Sometimes, their eyes pop open as if to say “wow” and always a smile and a compliment - "mwah!"

The "Eyes Closed, This is Heavenly" Dance Face
Eyes shut, face serene, with a smile that hints of sweet secrets. This face conveys the ultimate trust that a dancer places in his or her partner. No visual is necessary: just close the eyes, focus on the connection, the music and movement and let go to enjoy a lovely, likely heavenly dance.

Intimacy and Social Dancing

2010-06-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

There's a very fine line dividing a beautiful sensual dance from a crass distasteful one.

This question has come up a lot in my discussions with fellow dancers so I thought I'd share my thoughts on it.

Just how close is too close when dancing? When do you cross over from being tastefully sensual to being overtly crass?

Let's start by breaking down each word: Intimate Social Dancing

INTIMATE: By definition, intimate is an adjective that characterizes a close or warm personal relationship or a friendly, warm atmosphere.

SOCIAL: Implies a community; a group of people interacting together, enjoying friendly companionship and having a good time. There is an sense of openness in that everyone is welcome to participate.

DANCING: Is an activity that one actively engages in: a series of rhythmical steps with body motions in time with music.

Social dancing is an activity that embodies the interaction between 2 people (usually a guy and a girl or a lead and a follow) which involves music and movement: engaging body, mind, spirit, and feeling. It is personal, intimate, communicative, social and public all at the same time. It is also creative, spontaneous, individuals dancing in response to each other with a structure and convention framed around it. Leads initiate and follows respond and enhance what the leads initiate.

In my view, all social dancing has some level of intimacy because of the connection that is established between the lead and follow to the music. That unspoken communication is a form of intimacy on it's own. There are certainly some dances that require closer physical contact than others, and that’s where all the “fun” begins.

I often get asked how I feel about dancing in a close embrace: for example, during a bachata moderna or when I'm dancing the blues. My answer is pretty simple. There are many styles of dance and if close embrace is part of the dance style that’s how it should be danced: that close embrace is part of the appeal and one the reasons I enjoy dancing.

I love learning different forms of dancing – the variety in the steps and interaction with my lead allow me to express myself freely within the context of the music that we dance to. For me, an intimate dance, requiring closer physical contact has a strong appeal. Dances like Tango (I’m still a beginner), Kizomba, Blues and Bachata allow for a closer connection where I can experience the warmth of an embrace with another person: I close my eyes and the rest of the dance unfolds like magic.

Here’s the key to the “magic” of being able to enjoy the dance without crossing the line:

Both parties are there because they enjoy and respect the intimacy of the dance.

Translation: [pardon the directness] you’re not there to pick up some random person and get laid! You’re there for Intimate Social Dancing.

I’m not going to pretend that this type of dancing doesn’t lend itself to a different kind of intimacy off the dance floor: of course it can! I have many friends who’ve expressed that one of the biggest attractions is how enjoyable that close physical proximity is when dancing with someone of the opposite sex (not to mention the “thrill” if said someone is the object of one’s dance crush – oo-la-la!) On the dance floor however, it’s still a social (as in community) activity and one must be respectful of the people one interacts with on the dance floor and during the dance. That’s why there is some structure on how the dance is danced: even a dance as loose as the blues, still has the basic foundation in that lead-follow connection.

Everyone has different definitions for their personal boundaries and space. There are different degrees of close embrace. As a lead, one should understand that and respect what the follow you’re dancing with is willing to allow. That just comes with the territory. If you’re not sure about how someone will react when you first dance with them, just observe them dancing before you ask – “look before you leap” as it were.

Now, there are many occasions where this close contact can have very different results so I’m addressing those occasions in the form of Q&A. These have been collected from various conversations I’ve had with fellow dancers. Not all the answers are my own – many of them are compilations of responses that were shared during those discussions. Hopefully they help you answer your own questions and at the very least provide you with some entertainment along the way.

“I just don’t want to come across as “that creepy” guy when I’m dancing – how do I do that when I’m getting that close to someone I’m dancing with for the 1st time?”

It’s all about approach and intent. People give off a different energy when they are approaching with “shall we dance?” versus “I want to get in your pants!”. If you approach like a gentleman with respect and admiration, that’s always a good start. Just because that dance requires you to get close, doesn’t mean you have to start close right away. Take advantage of the introduction and ease into the close embrace. The lady or follow will tell you when it’s close enough. You should feel her relax into your lead and off you go.

I would also suggest that leads learn about the different styles of close embrace by taking a Tango or Blues class. There are ways to approach your partner so that it’s not an “in your face” or intimidating approach. Little things like open by inviting and then slowly closing the embrace will help.

“What if she/he just doesn’t want to be that close?”

Remember respect? It comes with the territory – everyone has different space boundaries and don’t force yours on who you’re dancing with: it’s just one song, one dance. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to dance with this person again afterward. In the meantime, be polite and handle it with grace and poise.

“What if I physically feel something from my lead that’s telling me he’s a little turned on by the dance?”

Let’s face it – this is an “occupational hazard”. I mean how can you not get turned on when you’re dancing with someone hot, to this wonderful music and the whole time you’re in a close physical embrace? I’m so lucky to be a woman because at least the physical manifestation of being turned on is not as obvious as a man’s. Here is definitely a moment where the line might get crossed.

The underlying assumption must be true: both parties are there to enjoy and respect each other and the dancing. Here’s some suggestions on how to gracefully handle the situation:

For the lead: perhaps adjust the closeness of the embrace until things subside a little so that it’s not so obvious. Your close embrace can be offset enough for you to maintain the close contact. You don’t have to say anything or make it a big deal. If you have the gift for just the right touch of humor for the occasion – a small smile or shrug to lighten the mood then that might help. Just remember “occupational hazard” and focus on the dance.

For the follow: remember “occupational hazard”, if you trust the intent of your lead, then don’t make it an issue. I tend to just ignore it and if my lead makes the appropriate adjustments, the dance continues and nothing more needs to be said. If my lead does say something to apologize, I’ll acknowledge it lightly as well.

NOW, if the lead does not adjust and the follow is uncomfortable, then follows – by all means, apply some “defensive” dancing maneuvers to distance yourself from your lead and remember that the dance doesn’t last forever.

Finally, if it really is uncomfortable for you, then either party should be able to excuse yourself from the dance – politely – and part ways.

“Oops, my hand accidentally brushed against (insert sensitive body part here)! What do I do?”

Same as above. It's an “occupational hazard” even in the not so close social dances. So. handle it with light humor (if you can), poise and grace - don't make it a big deal unless that line is really crossed. If someone is feeling you up and you're not cool with it or the touch/contact is uncomfortable for you, you're well within your rights to step away. You can just tell them you have to excuse yourself and leave.

“Wow! That really was a woozy of a dance… hand me a cigarette – please!”

Let’s face it folks – this is a high like no other really so why not enjoy it? Intimate Social Dancing is one big flirt fest and a celebration of how fun the interaction between the sexes can be.

One last word of advice:
If you feel like there’s something extra special beyond the dance, make sure you wait before acting on it. I think there are times when the “dance high” can be confusing and it can take a while for that to subside. Save yourself some drama.

If you have intentions to get to know a person beyond the dancing, it might be best to approach gently on the side with some small conversation and then setup a different time to pursue something off the social dance floor.

Don't let your dance high carry you away to never never land as far as relationships go. I never assume that someone is interested beyond the dancing unless he makes a definite move to get to know me off the dance floor. I'm excited for those opportunities to get to know someone off the dance floor, especially if there's already a strong dance connection. I mean what girl wouldn't want a leading man in her life that can literally sweep her off her feet?

Birthday Week to Remember

2010-06-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

Another time out to share from my personal life - I've had the best birthday week ever and its the best way to start a new year. So I'd like to pay tribute to the events and people that share it with me.

Facebook deluge of birthday wishes: Overwhelming! I heard from folks all over the world starting from Sunday forward. I started to say thanks to each one and then couldn't keep up.

Starting with a gift for my sister: We have birthdays that are 3 days apart. So I took the kiddos for a weekend so that she and her hubby could have time to themselves. I had a blast - we went to see How to Train Your Dragon and just had a great time together.

The usual things turned out to be FAN-tastic: I think i didn't realize how good my life is - truly - until doing nothing special for my birthday turned out to be quite special after all. I decided not to plan too much and just enjoy the things I do normally with the people I know and it worked out better than I could've hoped for.

A cupcake to kick-off the day: After volleyball the day before my big day, my friend got me a cupcake from Starbucks and it was a perfect way to start things off. I had it for breakfast in the morning.

Ah! The Surprises are always so much fun: On my birthday I had so many surprises, the birthday greetings flooded my inbox. An impromptu birthday dance in mambo dance class. Then at Bachata night, I had cupcakes, brownies, flan, chocolate, german chocolate cake, dark chocolate... it never seemed to stop! One can never have too much cake for a birthday!

The Firsts: I had my 1st ever birthday dance! As much as I love to dance, I spent most of my birthdays playing volleyball somewhere and celebrating in a different way. I got to dance my very 1st birthday bachata dance and it was a BLAST!!! thanks to everyone that made it special! Here's link to my birthday bachata:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=567496535386&ref=mf

I got one of the best compliments ever while dancing with someone at the Bachata Social. I had just finished spinning through a few moves when my lead stopped leading for a second. He shook his head quickly and smiled and said "Oh! My bad, I was just watching you spin." I thought, well there's nothing wrong with that is there? THANKS!

On Thursday I got to dance my 1st Salsa Birthday Dance and BOY was it fun! I didn't even have a chance to be nervous because once the music started, I had one great lead after another come out to lead me and spin me and dip me. I was swept of my feet! I only wish I could have planned it a little better and got a video.

An evening at the Spa: with my sister despite the onset of a migraine was just what the doctor ordered. I got scrubbed and soaked in olive oil/honey/milk/cucumbers and thoroughly massaged. I was so relaxed by the end of it, there was nothing left to do but sleep.

A weekend with family with lots of food and hugs: I went to Portland with my sis and her family and we had such a great time. The kids were awesome and we got to play, eat, walk around, drive around... there are great pics on my flickr stream but this one sort of shows the culmination of our eating adventures where we feasted on meat (after eating a LOT of donuts!)

Dancing at Folklife was soooo much fun - I'm so glad I got to dance the rueda with such a great group of people. The dancing that followed was just as fun and the rest of my Monday night was marvelous - like it always is ;)

Love, Joy, Dance, Hugs, Smiles, Food and Wonderful Friends and Family - there's nothing better.

much thanks, always

Sleep Deprived but Still Dancing

2010-05-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

I thought it worthwhile to mark the events from the past weekend, after all, its a milestone of sorts and despite being sleep deprived, its been such fun.

This past weekend, on Fri 5/14 and Sat 5/15, my salsa dance team BDS Extreme, performed for the 1st time! I danced all weekend long from Friday to Sunday, with different groups of people, different dance styles, across 2 states on about 11 hours of sleep total (counting 2 naps that I took). Needless to say, I had a BLAST!

Here's the link to the video of our performance on Friday at the Belltown Dance Studio
Here's the link to the video of our performance on Saturday at the Mambo Lounge in Portland, OR for Gemini's 6th Anniversary party.

A picture of my dance team in our costumes after the 1st performance:

My stream-of-consciousness recollections of the weekend:

rueda dance practice at the Wallingford Steps - so nice out... BDS Dance Social, wearing swishy red skirt and heels... with make-up!... oh the wonderful comments I got (thanks!)... it was so much fun to dance... Jill and Jill contest... leading a lead... 1st performance and no casualties (woot!)... some amazing dances with new and favorite leads... blues at the bistro, swanky, chill, oh so smooth...mmm-hmmm!...road trip to Portland... getting to know my team mates... "Squirrel!"...the Jupiter hotel - gotta love a hotel that has their own brand of condoms :p ... practicing out on the driveway... dancing before the big performance... waiting for the performances to start...an impromptu bachata backstage while waiting (oh! that was fun)... 2nd performance, better than the 1st ... more fantastic salsa dancing, on1, on2.... hotcakes and hash browns with bacon, sausage and ham (uh-huh... 1/2 a pig I think)... 3 hours of sleep...chill ride back (thanks!) AND in good time... kizomba dancing mmm-hmmm! ...salsa church with "MWAH!" more great dances...rueda practice... ice cream!!!... ran out of steam took a little nap... rooftop party with a lovely sunset as the backdrop, beautiful evening, lots of great food and company... salsa, casino... hugs.... finally, sleep

AND because I believe that expressing gratitude begets even more to be grateful for here goes:

Thank you to Javier , Holly and Jim who choreographed and coached our team.
Thank you to my team mates for pushing through and getting the dance down, even to the point of improving it from Friday to Saturday.
Thank you to my friends who came to see the performance, who gave me their support even though they couldn't make it, who wished me well and said many wonderful things.
Thank you to a total stranger who stopped me to tell me that I did a great job and that it was wonderful to see how much I really enjoyed dancing during the performance.
Thanks to my rides there and back: for driving and some great conversation.
Thanks for some rockin' food at the hotcakes and steak house (i'm still full thinking about it)
Thank you to all the leads I danced with, I had some "mwah!" dances all weekend
Thank you for salsa, blues, bachata, rueda, casino
Thank you for rooftop parties with lots of food, great weather, great company to talk and dance with
Thank you for all the joy, despite lack of sleep, that I was able to be a part of

What Now?

2010-05-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

I hit a point in my dancing progression where I've asked myself "what now?"

There are many stages to learning and some academics may even have their own models for the different stages.What I'm writing here are the stages that I went through and where I currently am almost 3 years into salsa dancing.

This progression may sound familiar - I think that everyone goes through some form of these stages though its possible that the order may be different. Anyway, I'm writing to share and maybe help other folks who might find themselves in the "What Now?" predicament - something that can happen several times in one's dance progressions.

Beginner: Unsure but interested; having fun with the dance but not sure enough to go out dancing beyond the classroom. You're just starting and are enrolled in some sort of beginner class. You've decided to try salsa dancing for one, some or all of these reasons: your friend dragged you out, the newness is fun, the social part is fun, there maybe some attractive people in class you'd like to get to know more (instructor not excluded), its something active to do, you've always wanted to try it because it looks fun/cool.

Advanced Beginner: Its been anywhere from 2-6 months since you've started and you've gone through a few of the beginner series and have a little bit of an arsenal to play with for dancing. You may have even started to take lessons from other instructors (oh yes, there are many out there!) You're getting to know your classmates and are maybe starting to go out social dancing at least once a week.

JUNCTURE: At this point some people fall off for one reason or another: it was fun but you're not willing to spend more time to get better; you met someone and their into something else; its not floating your boat any more; you've had some bad dance experiences and have been turned off; other stuff in your life just is more important.

Intermediate: You've "graduated"! You're about year into dancing and someone said that you're good enough to make the leap to intermediate! You're more confident, know more moves, you're actually out social dancing 2, maybe 3 times a week and are starting to notice what the more advanced dancers are doing. you pick out your favorites as you watch them and think to yourself - "I want to dance like that!"

JUNCTURE: At this point you either become a total addict, or you decide that perhaps its time to back off a little bit and focus on something else. Basically, if you've caught the bug, you're hooked and booked! You'll find yourself dancing almost everyday, taking lessons from 1 or more teachers, attending salsa congresses, talking about dancing and hanging out with dancers all the time.

Advanced Intermediate: About a year and a half close to the 2 year mark you find yourself at another weird spot. You know enough to know that there's a LOT you still have to learn. You're all of a sudden finding that all you ever do in your free time is dance - yes, you are now officially a salsaholic. If you're still stuck in the taking classes mode and haven't gone out dancing then you're not really addicted yet and should really consider social dancing more. You're probably contemplating the next congress or 2 and even starting to branch out and try venues outside your established comfort zones.

JUNCTURE: For me, this was a key juncture. I was starting to wonder how long it would take me to "get better" to the point where I would be happy with my dancing. I was a bit frustrated because I didn't think I could ever look like these professionals who were so polished and precise. I took myself away from the dancing scene I did know and vacationed in Oaxaca and learned from someone new. I met some great people and the instructor I learned from had a style I could relate to (and some advice from an ex) I was re-energized! I hit a new stride and my dance confidence went WAAAAAAY up. [This is KEY by the was, the confidence going up... it really changes your dance, and for the better!] I decided that I didn't have to look like anyone else, I should just be me! I wanted to be the best follow I could be while social dancing and all of a sudden, all my doubts disappeared, I found my own style and got great feedback and started to really enjoy the dance. I'm able to turn off my own self-critic, still be open to learning and incorporate all the other dances that I knew about into salsa.

Advanced: All that dancing got you here :) Its likely to be going on year 3 to 5. You've established a routine of your favorite places to go and are getting more play time with the folks you've been watching and looking up to. You're still taking some lessons and likely going to congresses. You're friends list in facebook has grown because of all your new dancer friends. Its weird (but nice) when this happens but you're likely to now be the one that people want to dance like. You're dance card is always full and when you go to your familiar haunts, there's always someone you know and can say hi to, get a hug, get a dance and off you go.

Its another JUNCTURE: Where do you go from here? You've maxed out on lessons, may have even taken privates with one or more instructors and still get a high from all the dancing. Your non-dance time is quite limited and people outside of dance only ever know you to be dancing. The euphoria is still there but something might be missing or you're starting to wonder what to do next. So what now?

These are the options I compiled for myself and from talking to others in a similar stage:

Life is good: You are happy with your dancing, the people you're meeting, its a great place to be and nothing more needs to be said.
If you haven't already, dance with other teachers; attend congresses where you get exposed to teachers/dancers outside of Seattle
Explore other latin dances: chacha, merengue, bachata, cumbia
Explore other dances: blues, swing, tango
Back to the basics or "Everything old is new again" there are nuances that you may discover by going back the basics or taking basics from some other dance.
Learn the opposite role (if you're a lead, follow and vice versa)
Explore other forms of Salsa: casino, rueda de casino, on2 mambo, sohn, etc.
Understand the music more
Join a performance team
Find a dance Partner to dance with and practice for social dancing
Find a dance Partner to dance with and practice for performance
Help out with or start to contemplate teaching

What did I decide to do? pretty much almost all of the above except for performing with a partner

1) Join a Performance Dance Team and experience choreographed Salsa
2) Took lessons to improve other related dances: mambo (salsa on 2) and understand the structure of the music more.

3) Continue to go out social dancing making sure to vary the dancing when I can: salsa, bachata, casino, rueda, cha-cha, swing/blues
4) Learn new dances: Dabble in a little bit of West Coast Swing, Belly Dancing (its fun and I have a long, long way to go; Kizomba, which is a fusion of some of my favorite dancing AND the music is just lovely: I dabbled in West Coast Swing but am not quite ready to give up more for it.
5) Learn to lead (salsa and bachata)
6) Started to discuss dancing with my fellow dancer friends and in some cases, we coach each other on moves that we do and the styling that we have - its great fun to collaborate and even be able to help someone else find their own stride!

To say that I still enjoy dancing is an understatement, unlike some of the folks who dance as much as I do (or did) who have hit the "burn out" period where they need to step away from the dancing, I haven't gotten there yet and I think I won't because of the variety of dances I'm learning all at once.

Is there ever an end to learning? I don't think so. I maintain that as long as you are willing, there is always something to learn. Take dancing: it is framed by music and movement and created/performed by people. There are so many different kinds of people in the world who provide an unending supply of creative juices on top of a rich history! There will always be someone new to dance with or some new song that is made. The only reason you would stop learning is if you don't want to anymore.

In the end, at every juncture, its really more about answering the question "Is dancing something I still love doing?"

For me, the answer is still unequivocably is YES!

Share your thoughts, let me know what you think and if you have other ideas to share - please do!
Happy Dancing

Gratitude

2010-05-03T17:36:00.000-07:00

Whoosh! There went April and its now May! Almost halfway through the year and I'm almost a year older.

The passage of time and busy lives have a way of just flying by and I used to ask myself "Just what have I done so far?" Well folks, I have an answer for that - in case you find yourself in the very same predicament: take a little bit of time (whatever you can spare) every day and make a list of things to be thankful for. [or, if you're like me you can use facebook and review all your past statuses :p]

Taking the time everyday to just think about the things you have to be grateful for has a way of helping you to remember exactly what you've done so far AND relive some wonderful moments. This contemplation also focuses you on positive thoughts: a much better alternative to those few minutes that you might have spent venting about what some poopy head did at work. I understand that a good vent can be a cleansing experience so I'm not saying to stop venting! Just remember to take a moment to be thankful too.

Sometimes its a long list, sometimes its a short list - whatever it is, its still something to give thanks for!

Just to share - here are the things that I am grateful for (there's more but this is what I came up for now):

my family because despite all our conflicts, I know they will always love me no matter what I do.
my niece True and nephew Max who are sources of unlimited joy in my life - I am really blessed to have them so close and be a part of their lives - they're a BLAST!
re-discovering dance through salsa... who knew that walking into a random studio in Belltown would lead me here? I've still got miles to go and so many branches to explore, its like a never-ending playground and the people I've met so far have also been amazing.
my health - despite 2 knee surgeries, I am still able to play volleyball and dance and enjoy the active life that I have
having the courage to follow-through with a change which brought me here to Seattle and gave me a chance to start some new and fun things.
for whoever invented social dancing and the music that goes with it - what a wonderful way to express something that can be shared through movement that also encapsulates how good the interaction between leading and following can be.
that the things I do can touch people in a positive way and perhaps even inspire them to generate more positive energy in their own lives.
for ice cream - mmmm! Dessert in general :)
that there's always something new to learn: I love being engaged in learning and the feeling of accomplishment it give me when I'm getting better at it. I love it when I can share it with other people that enjoy it as much as I do and even better, introduce it to others who have never thought to try
for friends who know me so well that it doesn't take much for me to talk to them whenever or wherever they are
that I have all sorts of things to be excited about
that there are still lots of places left to explore
for the the wonderful dancing I've had the pleasure to experience and more to come
that while I do the things I love, there are people who take the time to say some of the sweetest things to make my day (THANK YOU!)

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward quotes

Wishes

2010-04-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

Palm trees, warm sun, ocean breezes, hugs from wee ones, laughter and shave ice :D

The Big Island is a wonderful place for wishes of more that I already have and one that I'm waiting for.

Joy and happiness ...always

NOW:
Warmth and love of friends and family
Dancing, uninhibited, connecting to music, touch, movement ...in harmony
Never growing so old that I can't learn

Always laughing out loud at the silliest things - not the least of which is me
Unlimited supply of hugs and kisses
A child at heart: smiling, dreaming, playing, imagining

SOON:
True Love to cross my path,
Walk alongside me
See me and say "There you are"
Dance with me anywhere
Always, home

Sometimes, the Clouds want to Come out and Play

2010-04-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

My sunny optimistic outlook sometimes goes through periods of grey clouds and storms. When I'm happy all the time, I don't get practice dealing with the "not-so-happy" events. I found myself not having any patience for them but still having to deal with the emotions and energy that are there.

Luckily, I DO have a LOT of practice looking at the bright side of things AND so, I thought I'd share some of my "toolkit" on how to make the sun shine despite the clouds over head.

1) Go with the flow: For me, being angry or upset is not a productive state. I've seen many people effectively channel their anger into something quite positive and if you can do that, its the best way to work through it. For myself, those negative times leaves me wanting to just get out of them as quickly as possible and I sometimes forget to let the feelings flow because negativity has a tendency to linger and fester. Don't try to hold back what you feel because that will come back to bite you later. I'm not suggesting you scream at everyone you meet when you're upset. I am suggesting that you find a safe space; by yourself or with good friends who will understand and allow yourself to just be - whatever it is. I like to announce that I need some time to just rant/vent and I'm lucky to have friends and family who are more than happy to listen to me when I'm in this state. The other thing is, with my really good friends, they just give me a slap upside the head or a fresh look at things which always helps to calm me down. Its great to find sympathy but don't wallow in it so much that it becomes an extended bitch fest - THAT is just asking for worse things to come out and play.

2) Root Cause: My geekiness emerges here because I'm all about the root cause. I always try to figure out what triggered the "bad" feeling just so I can understand where things come from and deal with it at the beginning. Its hard to do since all you're into at the moment is the emotion. After "letting it out" I then try to evaluate why I was so angry/sad/upset in the first place. Almost all the time, when I can figure out the root, the clouds don't seem so ominous anymore.

3) Do Something that Reaffirms Your Joy: There are better things to do than spend your time in a negative place. Best to do what you love and it will help you to move on from under the clouds. Better yet, get on the path to something better for yourself and that will certainly dispel those clouds. Learn what you can (if there's anything to learn) and MOVE ON! Life's too rich to let a cloudy day bring you down for very long. Sing in the rain, dance and splash around, celebrate something and pretty soon, you'll feel that positive energy taking over. My personal joys are playing with my niece and nephew, dancing, ice cream with a friend, cooking and sharing food, doing something good for someone else and being with people who help me to laugh at myself.

4) Engage with Something New: I find that if my brain is occupied with learning something new or starting a project or refining a skill, there's no room for negativity. Creation has a magic on its own that I find is strong enough to trump anything negative. I keep a list of things I want to do and projects that I would like to start so when I'm particularly stuck in a negative place, I'll look at that list to find something to look forward to.

5) Something to Smile about: Ah, yes, the smile lifts everything. If you "write down" moments that brought you joy you can always look at them again to remember those moments. Whatever the trigger: words, pictures, music, the smell of roses, that view of the bay, there are memories in you that just make you smile so bring them out and enjoy them again.

It boils down to this: surround yourself with the things, people and places that bring you joy and when the clouds come out to play, you'll be armed with everything you need to see it through.

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heart-felt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling”
~Samuel Taylor

My niece True and nephew Max are sources of unexpected joy - I thought I'd share a moment of them clowning around that just makes me smile:

From Tee4Life

Celebrating Good Times: Weekend in Vancouver

2010-03-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

Celebrating good times always generates more joy in life. I went on a weekend trip to Vancouver this past weekend for a Salsa Festival and had a wonderful time. The positive energy from the weekend is still with me days after the event.

I write this entry as a tribute to that wonderful weekend: to the event itself, the venue and the people who made it all possible. This is my way of showing gratitude for good times and hopefully share some smiles along the way.

I'm presenting a montage of moments in no particular order...

French toast with butter, syrup and jam is a great way to start a road trip.

On the dance floor while dancing a bachata:
Him: "Are you from Vancouver?"
Me: "No"
Him: "Are you from Toronto?"
Me: "No"
Him: "Are you from Heaven?"
Me: "ah... no, I'm from Seattle."

Best cha-cha of the weekend was with someone from Seattle and I think I only did a true "basic" step in the whole dance and the rest was just playful improv and a wonderful connection with the music! Now that's dancing!!! (thank you!)

Favorite move from Kizomba class: Quick, quick, body roll and bump AND the same body roll and bump after a Salida ... oo-la-la!

1st time dance experience with a beginner: This lead seemed to think that he had to step on every count INCLUDING the half counts in between so his feet were moving double time. As a result of his nimble steps, we were drifted like a life preserver on semi-busy waters. I had to occasionally steer him away from some collisions but I don't think he even noticed. Surprisingly, he led the turns and cross body on the right timing so it wasn't a bad dance but it was certainly a new experience.

7-wat merengue with fellow Seattle-lites: I wish I had thought to ask someone to video tape the thing - it was quite impressive.

Casualty moment: I got whack on the chest by another follow's forearm as she was styling. It was kind of like a mild karate chop and then off she went leaving me quite surprised. Oh well - no harm no foul.

Favorite Hip Hop routine from Groovy G's - these boys were TIGHT! I got a big kick out of the fact that they received one of the loudest ovations at the end of the night.

OMG moment: Eli and Yen's routine - YOWZA!!!!

OMG moment: Shaka Brown doing his solo number in nothing by tights and jazz shoes ... (moment of silence to appreciate and remember)... I'm sure I'm not alone in my admiration for his physique, musicality and dancing skills. Oh my what a view!

ALMOST OMG moment: In a bachata where my lead and I do a turn finishing face to face, as he leans in to bring me into a close embrace, our lips barely touch as we then move side to side marking time. I'm not sure if he noticed it or not but I decided to just go with the flow and chalk it up to a nice little twist on a "mwah!" dance.

"How did he do that?!" moment: One of the B-boy groups that danced had a head spinner who was AH-mazing! He spun on his head wiht bent knees and then, keeping the same speed, straightened his legs and continued spinning: on his head, no hands for quite a few more revolutions. OMG!!!

I LOVE that all dance was celebrated, not just Salsa. There were performers who did hip hop, modern dance, ballet, folk dance, tango, hustle and jazz. It was a wonderful thing to do and added a lot of great flavor to the evening.

Despite the fact that being at a congress means meeting people from other places, it was always a pleasure to see a friendly face from Seattle. My best dances for the weekend were with some of my favorite Seattle leads. Mwah! I am so lucky I get to dance with these guys all the time!

While dancing the day I returned to Seattle with one of my favorite leads, I incorporated some new moves inspired by the salsa festival and the look of appreciation on his face was such a high. He said "More, More!" while his eyes popped open wide with a smile on his face. Later on he came back to tell me that the dance made quite an impression on him and was one of the more memorable dances of the night - whohooo!

Ciao for now.

"There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them."
~Vicki Baum

Connections: The Ultimate High (Part 4 of 4)

2010-02-25T19:15:00.000-08:00

(Part 4 of 4 on Connections. Here's Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3)

Once in a while, a connection comes along that's in a class of its own. Its that undefined, unpredictable spark of chemistry which sometimes occurs between 2 people and when it happens while dancing, the experience is quite electric.

I'm not sure if this connection will feel exactly the way I describe for everyone - I imagine there are differences but the general gist will still be the same.

The Electric Connection
If ever there were "movie moments" in real life, this would be one of them. You can't predict or anticipate it. All of a sudden, there is it! At the beginning, the dance feels like its going to be a "mwah!" connection and then, suddenly, a spark! There's a subtle but very distinct swirl in the energy and I can remember thinking, "what just happened?" at the end of the song.

Yes, this is that inexplicable age old "magic" between a guy and girl and the experience is quite unique when it happens during a dance. The stage is already set complete with leading lady and man. Music is already playing and both are already in close proximity with each other because of the dance. Time stands still and there a new energy that exists which hints of the soft fluttering wings of butterflies. If one could see energy at that moment,it would be like fire flies fluttering about.

The dance itself becomes more of the backdrop and when its over, what comes next is a huge adventure of its own.

This connection has only happened a few times in my life so far and when its happened it has certainly made life quite interesting. In one case just for that brief moment and in another with longer lasting effects.

Here's my conclusion: when it does happen soak it up and enjoy it. I mean its quite euphoric after all. Yes, this spark can mean the beginning of a fulfilling partnership off the dance floor but I would suggest postponing major decisions until after the energy settles back to normal levels AND you get to know each other beyond just dancing.

Dancing's Connection to Me
There is nothing quite like partner dancing that can express the perfect harmony of music and movement inspired by 2 people. The feelings generated when dancing with such wonderful connections are so amazing. The after effects stick around long after the dance itself has ended. You feel good, your partner feels good and it just keeps propagating.

There is one last connection I'd like to point out and that is the connection to self.

There's a lot I've learned through dance and it continues to teach me still. The big thing I didn't expect was how dancing teaches me to just be me and celebrate that.

I remember about a year into learning to dance salsa, I was contemplating what to do with it. I was taking lessons and going out once, maybe twice a week to social dance. I wondered if I would ever be good enough because I wasn't pleased with my styling: I didn't feel like I was any closer to being as swanky or sexy or svelte as some of those other dancers on the floor who seemed to own the dance.

Someone dear to my heart, also a dancer with whom I've always had a "mwah!" connection with, gave me some advice that turned everything around and helped me continue. Basically what he said translates to this: find your own voice in the dance.

It took me a few more months before I realized that I was trying too hard to dance like other people. I needed to trust in my own sense of self and movement and connection to the music. Before long, I started to bring forward other things from my dance background that I loved:elements of ballet, tango, jazz, swing and most recently belly dancing. Dancing turned into this wonderful interaction where I could express myself through movement, interact with other people, enjoy music, get hugs, compliments and help other people feel good all at once.

Following also taught me to clear my head of any preset expectations or try to 2nd guess the lead. Because of this, there is no room to think about all these "what ifs", I could simply be in the moment with no judgement: the feelings, touch and movement were the true indicators of whether or not the dance was successful.

A non-dancing friend asked me why I love it so much. I said that when I dance, I get to flirt with the boys, get compliments from them, I get my exercise, lots of hugs and I feel great! Not only that, I can help someone else feel good too. I've met some amazing people and continue to grow and learn while having a great time.

What's not to like?

When people tell me how much they enjoyed watching me and my lead dance because we were so good and having so much fun - that just rocks. I dance for the joy it brings: to be able to connect to others who aren't dancing with me to share that joy is always so gratifying.

When you have a good connection, its easy to have a great time dancing. That what I always strive to give and what I love to get back.

"Life is a dance. Sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow. The clearer the communication, the better the dance. The music may change so you just have to learn how to adapt and be flexible. Sometimes it's fast and really “up”, sometimes it's slow and sensual. But when you get really present and in the moment, it's just soooooo easy." ~Pamela Marshall

Connections: Dreamy Dancing (Part 3 of 4)

2010-02-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

[Part 3 of 4 about Connections. Here is Part 1 and Part 2.]

The joy of partner dancing cannot be contained in words. The best expression of it is in the dance itself or the music that sets the stage for it. I do my best to share the wonderful connections that I make through partner dancing because it is a large part of why my life is as joy-filled as it is. Its my small way of giving thanks and in the process, perhaps convincing others to give it a go and get in on the fun.

Someone else said it best:
“While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance.”

quote by Hans Bos

The really cool thing about Hans is that he is neither a dancer or a writer himself. He made this observation while watching people dance.

Wow!

When it comes to social dancing its all about the harmony of music and movement: there is lead-follow interaction that has some structure and then, there's that timeless natural flow that comes from the simple pleasure of a guy and a girl doing a dance to a song.

The Solid Connection
This is where "home base" should be for partner dancing. Whether you're a beginner or an advanced dancer. Both leads and follows share responsibility in making dance connections solid ones.

For any of you learning a new partner dance, make sure you learn about what it takes to establish a solid connection. If you've got good instructors, you already have some exposure to what it takes to do so. If you haven't been exposed to that many dance instructors yet, here are some basic highlights from a blues dancing weekend that I've found to be helpful for any social dance.

As I said in part 1 of this series, good connections begin with an introduction which allows you to settle in with your partner: Feel the music, figure out what to do, say a nice hello and off we go.

There are some other things besides knowing the basic step of the dance that help to establish a solid connection:

Be Yourself
Its hard to get a good connection if you're not yourself. This goes beyond dancing a little bit. If you "force" something, it shows. Take deep breath, remember how much fun this is and shake away your shields and any negative energy. A lot of what I'm suggesting happens differently for each person so do try to stay within your comfort zone. You may find (as I did) that your comfort zone will open up to allow for more and more positive things but don't force it. It'll come. The only exception to "forcing" is the "fake it like you own it" that helps you with the confidence thing (see Part 2 on the Uncertain Connection).

Smile
A dance with solid connection should have a quite a few of these between lead and follow. Some people dance with what I call "dance face". Dance face takes different forms but the most common is the far away look, not quite at your partner but off to the side, serious, concentrated and sometimes pursed lips, kind of like the Blue Steel look that Derek Zoolander perfects in the movie Zoolander. That's cool, personally, some of these dance faces have brought smiles to my face and then when my leads notice my smile, they smile back and the connection we have is instantly enhanced. Natural smiles are infectious: its universal how a smile puts everyone at ease.

Eye Contact
I don't mean a stare down here - I mean normal eye contact; like when you're having a nice conversation with someone. As a follow, sometimes I'm a little coy with the lead to see what happens. Why not right? Its part of the dance and if he's cute oh-la-la!

Or, I imagine this very polite and pleasant conversation, like you're talking about the wonderful weather we're having:

Lead: "Would you please walk down this way? I think you'll like the view"
Follow: "I will and thanks for clearing the way."
Lead: "Now, why don't I turn you around and show you off? Then we can settle into a nice comfy cuddle."
Follow: "Of course!" BIG SMILE "Thanks for letting me do my stuff and while I'm at it, I'll get my arm out of the way to make it more comfortable for both of us"

Give and Take
As with any good connection, there's the perfect balance of give and take: lead and follow. The lead provides the direction and the follows execute to match each other to the music that's playing. Just like physics (or close to it): for every action, there is an equal reaction.

Just the right mix of Fun, Flirty Playfulness
Timeless is the interaction between the opposite sex: its meant to be light-hearted, flirty and fun! There's an element of play that has a different energy between a lead and a follow than there is when you're dancing by yourself. I say have fun with it! you don't have to go overboard and cross over any lines. A solid connection will have some element of flirtation and fun or whatever mood is set by the music.

The Sometimes-On-Again-Sometimes-Off-Again Connection
These connections are the ones that leave me perplexed. There's a lack of consistency: sometimes the dances are great, other times, not so much. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, leads don't ask you to dance and then suddenly, they do again.

Call it the phase of the moon or something in the water but even the best of us can have an off dance. Whether its me or the lead, as long as there was a good connection at some point, that all that I try to focus on. We are all evolving as we dance, styles can change as we learn from new teachers and try new techniques. Sometimes, this too can affect a connection. In the end, we all find our natural voice and at that point, things settle into the solid connection.

There are leads with whom I've danced with while I was still learning who have my eternal gratitude. I know those early dances were sometimes awkward and disconnected and yet, sometimes after taking a "break", they continued to dance with me. Now that I have grown as a dancer and follow, I can take pleasure in paying them back when we continue to dance with no more "off again" connections.

And the ones that do not to ask for a dance? They should dance with who they enjoy dancing with. I would hope to dance with them again because we connected at one point but if not - its all good. There are dances aplenty for us all to enjoy.

The "Mwah!" Connection
Ah, the heavenly dance! For me, this dance is effortless, ethereal and supercalifragilistic! My lead makes me feel like I'm dancing on clouds. We've entered another level of unspoken communication where everything falls into place - just so - in perfect unison with each other and the music. Its the solid connection taken to the next level.

There's a purity in the unspoken connection that's unique to partner dancing and for this connection, its like being in the zone. I'm laughing and smiling and just having the best time ever. I'm not 2nd guessing or anticipating anything, just flowing through the movements that I'm lead through with the music and adding to the dance by punctuating things with my "voice" which often times overlaps perfectly with that of my lead. My lead is also in that flow with me and he's taking what I'm putting into the dance to add to his lead.

I am so lucky that I've connected with quite a few dancers in this way. We don't always pull off the moves we want but it doesn't matter - its all part of the dance. One of my favorite leads expressed it best, he said whatever connection we have to the music, we have the same one. We hear the same things and have complimentary movements to dance together in such a way that it looks like we've danced the song a ton of times together. A series of perfectly timed movements without a word spoken, to the right measure in the music: its truly a beautiful thing.

Its the whipped cream on top of the ice cream sundae of connections. The solid connections are enough to keep me coming back but these connections are the ones that really make everything that much sweeter.

If you dance with someone long enough, you get to this level because you know each other so well. If you're lucky (and I have been soooo lucky!) I've met (and still dance with) leads where the connection has always been that good since the 1st dance we shared. The quality of our moves and the level of difficulty have gotten better over time - we're even able to ad lib and come up with totally new stuff together and the connection: "mwah!" always.

Can there be anything better? Life is pretty good when dances are full of solid and "mwah!" connections.

Stay tuned for the final and fourth installment.

In the meantime, to the leads who have made my dancing experience so rich: you guys are the bomb diggity - thank you so much!

Connections: The Bad and the Ugly (Part 2 of 4)

2010-02-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

[Part 2 of 4 about Connections. Here is Part 1.]

In my perfect world, there would be no such thing as a bad connection with another human being. I've been relatively lucky as far as my share of undesirable experiences go and strive not to let the ones I have experienced affect me in a way that takes the joy out of life. Doing this on the social dance floor is so much easier because the interaction is always framed inside a 3-4 minute song. [If you need a new thought on how to not let the bad things bring you down: check out this blog post].

First things first: In writing about "The Bad and The Ugly", I want to make it clear that I am describing how things feel from one follower's perspective (that would be me!) on the dance floor. I am NOT claiming to speak for all follows, nor do I know the true character of the leads who might be guilty of these connections. A dance may tell me something about a man's character but its certainly is NOT the sum total of who he is as a person. These observations I share are not judgments. For me, dancing is a state of mind and I do my best to suspend the analytical/thinking part of my brain so I can fully focus on the present: the music, my lead and the movement of the dance.

The Undesirable Connection
There are times when i wish that one could award technical fouls or red cards on the social dance floor for these "offenses". The result would be a time out off the dance floor so that they are informed of their offense and they don't deprive someone else of a joyful dance.

Herky Jerky
Ah, they mean well but boy! do I feel like a rag doll in the hands of this lead. Bravo for the enthusiasm of expression! I would like to remind them though, that while they may enjoy swinging their arms whole-heartedly to the music (and it may even help them to stay on beat) there's a lot of strength generated by that motion and while you are holding my hands, my arms become an extension of yours and the hard, wild movement is not so much fun sometimes. I can't totally relax for fear of an arm being pulled or hyper-extended so I match the tension which can be tiring. Its also hard to distinguish that normal swing for a pre-lead to another move. I'd like to remind these leads that a firm and gentle hold goes a long, long way. Relax a bit, the swaying will naturally happen when your body moves to the music. If you're wondering as a lead, whether you're guilty of this or not: if your arms are circling way outside the frame between you and your partner and you watch them carefully as they are gritting their teeth or thinking "when is he going to stop?" then I would suggest "less is more".

Gropey Creepy
This is the guy who likes to take advantage of the fact that social dancing gives him leave to get close to a girl by just asking her for a dance. He likes to pull the girl in an extremely tight embrace even though the song is going over 180 rpms (its fast). Sometime, he may even reach out and touch (or grope) some body parts that should be admired, not mauled. The irony here is that despite the abundance of physical connection, the dance itself is so uncomfortable, as a follow, all I can think about is how NOT to make any more of a connection. In this instance I try to practice what I can about defensive dancing: my left arm is no longer draped over the shoulder but positioned more as a lever between this lead's chest and my own, I do my best to minimize any natural hip movement for fear of instigating more unwanted attention. I remind myself - its only a 3-4 minute song and at the end of it, I will do my best (and quickest) exit, politely decline any future dances and move on!

Body Odor
Sense of smell is very powerful and even if someone is a great lead (or follow for that matter), body odor can ruin a perfectly wonderful dance. It simply overrides everything else. Personal hygiene is extremely important and its every dancer's responsibility to know what impact you're having on the person you're dancing with. This is one offense that is so easy to avoid! Please, do take the time to check out how things smell before you subject someone else to it. There's a reason why there's are whole industries that provide people with products like deodorant, cologne, perfumes and mints to mask those odors that are a by-products of the food that you eat or the natural way your body tries to modulate its own body temperature (perspiration). If you're lucky, you can ask a good friend to be your "test" and if you're someone's good friend, you should help them out by letting them know. If you're my friend - then please, pull me aside and let me know!

Can't Find the Beat
Of all the offenses, this one is hardest for me to cope with. I am still not quite sure that there's a good way to "fix it" without being a total a_ _ to my lead and back-leading. The beat is the pulse of the music and dancing off beat just feels wrong! Its like being pulled in 2 directions at once. The music says one thing and my lead says another: I want to flow with the music but also need to follow my lead and they are at odds with each other. Its like being in the middle of an argument between my mom and dad who want me to do 2 entirely different things: a paralyzing conundrum. I find myself stuck in place between 2 opposing forces and still having to move! I shudder at the thought. My dear leads who have a hard time finding the beat - please listen to the music as much as you can! Practice finding and moving to the beat: tap it out, bob your head, tap your fingers. You don't have to find the 1 to start all the time - just find the beat 1st. After that, when you get used to hearing and feeling the music, you'll be able to find that 1 or 2 or 5 or whatever count you desire.

The Uncertain Connection
This next category of connections is on its own because I think its has an easy fix and the connection isn't as ugly as the previous ones. Its more like a warning or yellow card versus an all out penalty.

Confidence is attractive. To dance with uncertainty takes positive energy away from the dance and as a follow, its hard to respond well when I'm not sure what I've been asked to do.

The solution here is simple: "Fake it like you own it." A simple dance, led with confidence and fun will trump a series of botched up, uncertain set of moves any day. Everyone makes mistakes and I can tell you that leads who dance with confidence will make a mistake part of their "plan": flash a smile to charm or a sheepish one to apologize and its like we shared a private inside joke instead.

I know that there are some leads out there who might not agree and who feel like they have to be "all that" and more to lead a good dance. All I can say is, if you dance with confidence (remember confidence does NOT equal cockiness), there is a positive energy that you bring which enhances the connection.

Dancing is supposed to be fun - so have fun! You can still smile, take care of the lady your dancing with, distract her with your charm and let her enjoy the dance with you. Uncertainty is another "joy-killer": how can you be happy if you're not sure? When I sense that uncertainty in my lead, I do my best to smile to help to put him at ease.

If you're a beginner lead and are too busy worrying about not knowing enough moves. Check this out: most beginner classes will teach you anywhere from 6 to 8 moves and you can execute the moves in closed and open position: 2 for the price of 1!! So, think about all the possible variations: simply change the order of how you lead the moves and you can easily fill up a whole dance.

This type of connection, while uncomfortable, isn't undesirable because in my experience, confidence builds over time with positive feedback and practice. Its so cool to dance with someone who's actively learning and improving because one day, without even knowing it, things just "click" and I'll be swept off my feet into a dreamy dance connection.

Coming in Part 3: The awesome connections!

Connections - Adventures in Life (Part 1 of 4)

2010-02-19T15:08:00.000-08:00

Some of the best adventures in life result from those wonderful and unexpected connections that you make with other people. I am very lucky and extremely grateful to have made so many wonderful connections in my life so far. My connections in dancing have certainly added to these adventures and have all contributed to helping me grow in becoming a better follow.

So, to give weight to how important this topic is and so I don't write a blog article that turns into a short story, this begins Part 1 of a 4 part series where I'll share my views on dance connections.

As much as there is so much joy in partner dancing, I hate to admit that not all connections are equal. Some are so memorable, I can still remember them years after and some are just memories I don't want to re-live. I do believe that every connection teaches me something about myself and makes me more confident in who I am.

In my perfect world, anything to do with dancing would only be a joyful occasion. Reality often reminds me that this is not always the case. The good news is, there are ways to make more of the good kinds of connections and less of the "undesirable" kind.

Dance is a microcosm for real life and the social interactions and connections on the dance floor are a hotbed of metaphors for those same interactions off the dance floor. So, based on my experiences so far, I'd like to offer some general advice that will lead to more positive connection on the social dance floor.

BIG UMBRELLA GUIDELINE: A nice, simple introduction is always the best way to start.
There aren't words enough to describe how important this. This rule applies whether you're dancing with someone for the 1st time or not. It can make all the difference in making or breaking a connection. I'm just suggesting that every interaction should start with a nice "Hello".

If you already know the person, then that can take different forms:
1) A hug
2) A kiss on the cheek
3) A chest bump

you get the general drift.

So with social dancing - BONUS! There's this song that's playing in the background.... AND it has an introduction too!
Here's what I suggest:

1) Take the 1st few 8 counts to establish the beat/rhythm of the dance. One of the hardest things for me as a follow to do is to dance off beat. Its almost as bad as scratching your nails on a chalk board. When you take the time to establish your rhythm in a comfortable position (Open embrace or closed), you're able to take that few seconds to smile at your partner, listen to the music and set yourself up for the rest of the song.

2) Get a feel for your partner and their dancing style. I don't mean feel her up. I mean start by checking to see if you're connected by moving side to side. Execute a few basic moves(cross body, inside turn, outside turn) and then rev it up if you think she can handle more. I'm pretty sure that if you're opening move is to throw your follow into a quadruple spin,its not the friendliest way to say "hello" unless your dancing with a whirling dervish (no offense intended). Instead of that nice hello, you'd be saying "Let's see if you can handle THAT! Show me what you got!" Not exactly the most friendly of hello's.

3) Get in to a flow and then build up the moves. Most leads that are learning will have a set of moves that they'll want to just run through and that's ok because we all have to practice what we learned. BUT, its a bit jarring to do a move that doesn't quite fit so well with the music. Just because you can do something in time and on beat, doesn't make it "fit". LISTEN TO THE MUSIC - if it means not dancing right away, then take the time. I can't tell you how many lovely jazzy songs have been not quite as lovely because a lead decides to execute these series of quick fast turns and direction changes that just don't fit as well as smooth variations of cross body leads with turns, sweeps and flares that help express the music so much better. Its just as bad to try to dance in a tightly closed embrace to an extremely fast and happy song: not only to you (the lead) run the risk of crossing the line into being a pervert, but you also just kill all the energy of the song and will force your follow into an extremely defensive stance which just ain't nice.

4) Try to match your partner. Yes, for advanced dancers this could mean toning down quite a bit. Ever seen a ballerina dance with a head banging rocker? Its probably quite entertaining for the people watching but I'm willing to bet that as a far as a connection goes, not so much. Its a much better dance experience all around if you can match each other. Key words: Match Each Other which implies that its a 2-way street! Don't force it, don't stress it and whatever you do, don't belabor it! If something doesn't work, don't get upset. Humor is a good alternative to most situations on the dance floor and at the very least, just smile (that's what works for me almost 100% of the time). If you make a mistake and own it, no apologies necessary: sheepish smile, keep on dancing and your golden. If you're dancing with someone new, who's to say you didn't plan it anyway? In rueda (which is a group dance) when a move goes horribly wrong our caller will call "reset!" and execute a basic move to get everyone together again. You can do this too - just come up with your reset move, smile and move on.

The final catch all: I'm diverging a little here to share a personal belief that a mark of a good follow is that they can match any lead. The key word is CAN. Just because one can do something, doesn't mean one chooses to do so or likes it. Social dancing for most people is about the joy of expressing music through movement with another person. Everyone has their own wants about what that is and if someone only chooses to dance with people they know they can connect with, that's their choice. Don't make it into your issue. Personally, I believe that there's more great connections to be experienced out there all the time. By giving everyone a chance - at least give one dance - I can always find them. If it turns out those few minutes are not so good for me, then I can choose to decline the next time that person asks.

These are my general rules to achieving nice connections all the time. There are exceptions obviously and then what do you do when the other person is just not cooperating or operating with the same rules? I try to address that a little bit in the next parts of this series where I talk about specific connections. I've generalized the connections I've experienced into different types/categories which I'll get into in more detail.

Here's a preview of what they are:

The Undesirable Connection: This is the connection that, for whatever reason, leaves you with a bad taste. These are the experiences that reaffirms the things that you don't like in interacting with people and give you the opportunity to handle them with grace (or at least minimum damage).

The Uncertain Connection: Though I think this is unique to a learning situation, its still happens in real life so I want to give it a category of its own. Often this connection will lead to another type as time passes.

The On-Again-Off-Again Connection: I think that description says it all and like the Uncertain Connection, it can evolve into another kind of connection over time.

The Solid Feel Good Connection: These are the connections I strive to have the most of as follower in dance as well as a person navigating through life.

The Mwah! Connection: Heavenly, my "top 10", totally whack! Ideally - all connections should be like this. These are the connections that are so memorable, you'll find yourself talking about them years after they 1st happened and hopefully they are happening still. Life would be a dream if all connections were like this one.

The Electric Out-of-This-World Connection: This connection is old black magic that makes your head spin and leaves you bemused, sometimes bothered and totally bewildered.

Its Not About Perfection, Its About How You Handle Your Mistakes

2010-01-24T20:30:00.000-08:00

As I continue to dance and grow as a dancer, I am struck by how differently people seem to approach their dancing. So many people strive for perfection and yet perfection can be so different, depending on what it is you love about the dance and what your goals are.

I realized that for myself, while achieving perfection is a challenge I can strive for, what's important to me is how well I can handle the unexpected twists and turns on the dance floor.

It would be lovely to live in a world that does not measure how well you do something: where you're not being judged against some standard or high bar. Instead, wouldn't it be more pleasant to focus on how much you've learned and the joy that you share and experience along the way. I believe the mastery of a skill should be celebrated as much as the journey along the way.

I don't deny it. It's great to get 100%. One of my clearest memories during my freshman year at MIT was the fact that I was the 1st one of my freshman friends to get 100% in a calculus quiz. I remember that my fellow freshmen friends looked at me with such respect: I impressed the hell out of them all - me, this chinese girl from the Philippines.

When I'm social dancing, the perfect moment is this indescribable high I get when I have struck an effortless connection with my partner and the music. I'm smiling all the time as my lead plays with our movement so that the expression of it fits hand in glove with the music that's playing. The dancing is effortless, like walking on clouds. And, when the music ends, I'm breathless: not just from the physical dance but from all the fun that I'm having.

I don't always know what's coming in a dance. I still have lots to learn so there are times when I know I missed a cue from my lead or when the his face give away that there was an "oops!" moment. Its a mistake right? Here's the best part - a perfect dance can have those moments but because the connection is so strong, its not really a mistake, it becomes part of the dance. Then, the cherry on the sundae happens when my lead decides to try that missed move again anyway and voila! Magnifique!

I don't always do it well - but I do know that when I can handle my mistakes with humility, grace and humor its wonderful! In fact, I think that perfection might well be re-defined by not just what you achieve but how well you handle your mistakes along the way.

A Chance to Help: Haiti Devastation

2010-01-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday 01-12-2010, a devastating earthquake struck Haiti and millions have been lost and even more affected by the tragedy.

Even though my blog may not have a wide reach, for those of you following and for anyone that happens to land here, check out these compilations of organizations that are setup to help in the aftermath of the quake:

CNN Impact the World
CBS How You Can Help

Dancing in the New Year!

2010-01-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

Normally I just spend a chill evening with family and stayed up to watch fire works. This year, I did something new and decided to go out and dance to celebrate after dinner.

Though I didn't make it to all the parties I would've like to go to (2 out of 5, ain't bad), I had the BEST time EVER!!!!

There's a saying somewhere that predicts the new year will be based on whatever it is you end up doing on New Year's Day.

Well, for the 1st 5 and a half hours, I was dancing, laughing, hugging and having a blast!!! There were lots of good wishes and compliments and smiles. Now I'm posting pictures, massaging my feet and posting a note on my blog. When I wake up I'll be having brunch with my sister and her family and ending the day welcoming a good friend back home.

I'd say that based on the first hours, 2010 is going to be a FANTASTIC year :D

Thanks to everyone that was a part of it: that organized, danced, hugged and smiled with me.

Thanks to my family and friends who made 2009 so memorable.

Love!
Joy!
Dance!

Here's to 2010.

2009: A Blast!

2009-12-30T13:59:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, its not quite over yet but in 1 more day, I'll be saying "So long" to 2009 and "Hello!" to 2010. I look back at the year and despite some heartache and a few bumps, all in all, its been one fun-tastic year!

January 2009

I kicked off the year with an unforgettable Salsa/Yoga retreat in Oaxaca, Mexico that turned out to be simply mah-velous! It helped me take my salsa dancing to another level AND I got to meet some amazing people with the added bonus of finding another good friend in Seattle. I took a record 500 pictures and 63 videos which have been synthesized on my flickr photostream Oaxaca Collection

February 2009

My nephew Max and I had the 1st of many salsa dances and he declared, “I want to be a salsa dancer when I grow up!” – Oh yes, that’s definitely going to happen!! I got to experience the production of Lion King with my niece True (who loved it!) and gifted myself a Kindle 2. I also start my blog: www.tee4life.blogspot.com as a
means of exploring, expressing and sharing my outlook on life.

March 2009

For the 1st time in almost 10 years, I have a mini-MIT reunion in San Jose. It was great to get acquainted with my god-daughter, catch up and old friends and their families! I’m happy to be the excuse for getting everyone together. Apparently, I’m the only one still playing volleyball. Inspired by my niece True and her love for dino’s. Here’s a picture of the little guy on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/snapsfromtee/3339538531/in/set-72157603573504832/

April 2009

As spring sprung, and dancing now takes up at least 4 nights a week, I’m loving every second of it! My glass blowing progresses nicely as well. I made a mushroom sculpture as a gift to my sister’s in-laws (here’s the picture). I end the month by travelling
to Maui with my sister and her family and discover the joys
of shaved ice (mmmm!)

May 2009

Its the sunniest summer for me here in Seattle so far! I started with a new team within Amazon: a training team that is chartered with developing courses to train Amazon’s business teams on the systems that they need to order products, work with vendors and manage the products that are sold on the Amazon website. A new version of Star Trek is released and MAN! did that movie rock out - it was awesome! There was a great trip to Victoria for my 1st Volleypalooza. Then another 1^st: participating in a rueda dance demo at the Northwest Folk life festival. Finally, Volleyball Nationals
in Minneapolis where we won in the silver bracket of the Women’s B division.

June 2009

True’s turns 5! I spend a day with my niece to take her shopping for her birthday and it was such a blast! She even drew out a cartoon describing the day! I also took a cake decorating class which led me to baking True’s birthday cake: a purple dinosaur. Then, I had a pleasant surprise being voted the “Best in Show” (aka crowd favorite) for a Student Art Exhibit at the Seattle Glass Blowing Studio. Did I mention I’m still dancing? A lot?

July 2009

The 4^th was a blast: volleyball, salsa, fireworks, hang out with old friends and make new ones. I hike Franklin Falls for the 1^st time with the kiddos and my sis and her hubby on a hike and its beautiful! One of my best friends from teaching days comes to visit me from Boston and we have a great time catching up! Her stay culminates in a Pig Roast where there was much fun to be had. My friends on both coasts are just too awesome for words. I learned about pulled sugar decorations for cakes too. At this point the summer is really heating up and I finally buy myself an AC so I can sleep at night! Dancing continues to be a blast.

August 2009

My sister’s in-laws are here and we take a family vacation to La
Push and the Olympics (famous because it is the place where the Twilight series of books). I have a new appreciation for the forests and beaches of Washington: its like a fairy world! Together with some friends from work, I embark on my first moderate hike to Serene Lake and Bridal Veil Falls – it was gorgeous! My nephew Max
turned 3 and we got to go shopping together too! I made him a Blue Angels cake (apparently the blue icing lasts for a few days). Summer is definitely in full swing and I’m enjoying the long days and dancing outdoors on the beach and in
the park. Life is good.

September 2009

So much to do, so little time and why on earth is everything happening at the same time?! Dancing is undeniably a part of my life and I love every minute of it! I’m still playing volleyball and blowing glass and my blog is morphing into how dancing is just a metaphor for life ;) I’ve been in Seattle for 2 years now.

October 2009

I visit Boston for a week and I’m able to catch up with so many friends. I spend a beautiful fall day at the DeCordova museum. Fall's here and I get to enjoy a tradition I've setup with my niece, nephew and sister: Pumpkin carving !!!!

November 2009

More dancing: had a blast with the Emerald City Blues workshops early in the month and then attended my 1^st Salsa Congress with the best roommates EVER! right here in Seattle. I also decided to join a salsa performance team. We’re still doing a lot of basic stuff and are hoping to have our 1^st performance in June 2010.

December 2009

My sister’s family and I take a trip to Manila for the 1^st time in almost 9 years. 2 weeks of eating, shopping, sitting in traffic ... I got to catch up with high school
friends I haven’t seen in ages and spend quality time with my family. I’m
looking forward to ending the year by dancing the night away and welcoming 2010.

Home for the Holidays

2009-12-19T10:59:00.000-08:00

Its been close to 10 years since I've been back home to Manila (Philippines). Some things seem to have been frozen in time while others have changed so much that I barely recognize them.

The Manila I remember was not so crowded, not so traffic-jammed with more open spaces. For the last 5 days, it seems like I've spent most of my time in traffic inside an air conditioned (thank goodness!) car traveling to the next "eating station" or "shopping station" as I get reacquainted with my old stomping grounds.

My niece True and nephew Max are here in the Philippines for the 1st time and its been wonderful to see them interacting with my mom and dad. Though they see a place that's not exactly like the one that I grew up with, its still way cool to see and hear their reactions.

My family are in good health and despite a few bumps (what family is truly free of bumps really?), I am confident in our love and support of each other.

I've also been blessed to have made friends with some extraordinary people with whom I can share my life with in the space of a few hours, in spite of the long periods of time that have passed: as if years were just the passing of one very busy day. They share with me, a warmth and affection that can only come from having gone through memorable and wonderfully formative years together.

We have all aged and have branched off to make our own paths but these times that we meet are still precious and true. They bring back memories of other friends that may not be present but are with us all the same.

What a gift for being home for the holidays!

"Don't Let Some Poopy Head Ruin Your Day!"

2009-11-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Poopy is derived from the word "poop" which is a child friendly form of the word shit.

"Poopy head" is a term that my niece and nephew use on each other when one of them does something silly or inexplicable. Most of the time, it happens when one of them is being just plain nonsensical. Sometimes its used when one of them is not being nice. Other times its used when one of them is being grouchy and just no fun to be around. And my favorite time is when they just call each other that to get a laugh.

So, my new motto for times when shit happens is: "Don't let some poopy head ruin your day!"

See, when shit happens, its usually accompanied by emotional bursts followed by one of 2 possible outcomes:
ONE: Things could escalate and drama ensues.
TWO: Emotions ride their course and there is no drama because you say

"I'm not going to let some poopy head ruin my day!"

I break it down very simply on purpose.

Oftentimes, when one is hip deep in the "shit" (whatever it might be): emotions run high, your involvement is so entrenched. It's too hard or complicated to pull back and put things in perspective.

As you deal with your emotions, there is a tipping point when the drama begins to escalate. Drama develops quickly when you start to get embroiled in things that are beyond your direct control: you may start to speculate or play what-if scenarios or even try to figure out - why?. Drama explodes when, in the midst of being upset, the final truth is hidden and all you can see is a forest of trees instead of the path to clear pasture.

I submit that it comes down to one question: Do you really want to let some poopy head, ruin your day?!

Heck, NO!

By the way, in some cases, the poopy head is you! In which case, you can just roll with it, don't beat yourself up unnecessarily, find a good friend to give you a hug and move on.

Because things are not always so clear cut, I have some additional DO's and a DON'T that might help in the event that shit does happen:

DO honor your emotions: there's usually no short-cutting things when you feel sad or angry because they come back to bite you. Do what you need to do to accept your feelings before you hit that drama tipping point.
DO ask yourself if there's something you can do to prevent the "shit" from happening again. Sometimes you could have done something to prevent shit from happening. Don't beat yourself up - just be responsible for it.
DO decide if you're going to just leave the poopy head be or address the situation. Sometimes the poopy head in question is someone you care about so you have another decision to make. If you do decide to address it, WAIT till the emotions boil over, it's better that way, trust me.
DO ask yourself (or find a friend who can listen to you vent and then ask you), "how much do I really want to let this bother me?" because after all, you DON'T want to let some poopy head ruin you day.
DON'T start questioning or doubting or putting yourself down about what happened: didn't you know? Shit happens all the time!

And, because there are times when you need a lifeline when shit happens, make sure to have handy:

A best friend that can listen to you without judging or getting you even more fired up.
Whatever memory or thought or thing that will make you smile without fail. Need some ideas? Dance, ice cream, hugs, chocolate ...
Sometimes, it helps to read what others are having a bad day about: www.fmylife.com
Dance! oh, i said that already

These little tidbits have liberated me from many miserable events in my life that I previously had so much trouble avoiding.

At the very least, its funny to say "poopy head". My niece and nephew will say (or hear) "poopy" and laugh.

Laughter is always the best medicine.

That Old Black Magic has Me In Its Spell

2009-11-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

"...round and round I go.. In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic"
Complete lyrics are at the bottom of this post.

Immortalized by 'ol Frankie himself, I just wanted to share the lyrics to this song. It embodies for me what often times happen on the dance floor: a brief, but magical love affair to some sassy tune between a leading lady and her leading man.

I spent the weekend at the Emerald City Blues Festival and learned a lot about the lead-follow connection so perhaps that's why this song in spinning around in my head. Every instructor said the same thing about how to have the best dance (not specific to blues):

Connect with the music (sing with it if you can)
In the beginning, spend some time to get to know your partner 1st
Lead's initiate
Follow's execute and showcase with flourish
Relax and slow down, don't rush the dance: leader's wait for your follow to respond, follows wait for the lead
Leads, showcase your follow and if something isn't working, don't force the move, just try something else.
Follows don't stay in the middle ground, be clear about your movement and finish your moves instead of 2nd guessing what the next one is going to be.

Does this not also apply to that day-to-day dance in life when boy meets girl? Just substitute the words dance and music for life and relationships and its such a perfect fit. Outside the dance floor, not everyone's dancing to the same music at any point in time: a big part of the challenge in making the magic happen.

The framework of a dance is finite: its got a start and finish and if both parties wish it, they can meet up again to dance or thank each other and go their separate ways. This isn't always so clean cut where people and relationships are concerned but if you keep in mind how much fun it can be and how good it can feel - I think these basic rules of dance can be used as the same basic guidelines in life.

After all, we call could use a good dose of that old black magic.

Lyrics: THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC
-by Frank Sinatra

That old black magic has me in its spell, that old black magic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.
The same old tingle that I feel inside, and then that elevator starts its ride
And down and down I go, round and round I go, like a leaf that's caught in the tide.
I should stay away, but what can I do?
I hear your name and I'm aflame
Aflame with such a burning desire that only your kiss can put out the fire.
For you're the lover I have waited for, the mate that fate had me created for.
And every time your lips meet mine, darling, down and down I go, round and round I go
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic called love

Let Go and Experience the Magic

2009-10-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

[I believe that partner dance is one huge metaphor for life and if I ever get around to writing something more than a blog entry, this would be one of the chapters...]

I once read about this advice somewhere: let go and experience the magic.

Partner dancing as a follower has taught this to me time and time again.

Aside from the obvious characteristics that make up a good dancer: balance, musicality, presence, style, rhythm, poster, etc. a good follow has to have one key trait: the ability to let go and truly connect with the music and the lead.

Partner dancing is not about who has control. Its about connecting with the music and then working together to create movement with one person initiating and the other responding.

While the connection to the music is the key to establishing this wonderful interlude, for me, the true magic of the dance happens when I react to the movement initiated by my lead without having to anticipate what’s coming next. The dance becomes a series of moments that flow so seamlessly, where things just fit together almost as if they were just meant to be.

Not every dance is this way, there are certain styles that can be difficult to dance with. There are certain dance leads who use moves that don't quite fit with the melody and rhythm that defines the song. Regardless, when I dance with a lead that can match the music, no matter what his style of dance or level of dance is, as long as we have that connection, I let go and the rest of the world just fades to the background.

I know I have a great dance when intended moves that don't quite turn out as they were first envisioned do not cause a "bump" in the dance. That moment is not marred by apologies. Instead, the magic continues: there is something new that was just "created" , always a shared smile of accomplice and the dance continues, uninterrupted.

The same is true in life: letting go of the outcome contains the ultimate reward. As with dancing, there less stress, less anxiety and less disappointment from non-existent expectations: things are smooth, joyous and fun.

There is a sense of stability in staying true to yourself, a focus on being independent and owning your own happiness. There is a confidence that comes with being so in tune with the present moment that what to do next just unfolds with ease.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to let go, especially when you want something so very, very much or when you're just learning something new. But, just think back to times when it seemed like something “magical” happened. You might be able to trace it back to moments where you haven’t been as “in control” as you thought you should be. The “pleasant surprise” is a surprise because you had no expectations – you just went along your merry way and "hello!" something nice happened.

When I find myself stuck, its usually because things are not the way I want them to be: I'm too wrapped up in why and the how and the "what the heck happened?" To get un-stuck, I dance ;) or, I breathe, focus instead on enjoying what I have in the present and let go.

There are many other people that have shared this same sentiment in words far more eloquent that I could ever come up with so I’ll end with several quotes that I could've used as titles to this blog:

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet

“Less is more.”
-- Unknown

“Don’t force it.”
-- Unknown

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.
-- Lao Tzu

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist

Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties,
-- Gail Sheehy

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell

Thanks!

2009-10-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

I received one of the best compliments ever while dancing on Monday night and it inspired me to write about some memorable compliments that I and other friends have received. This is written as a tribute and a big SHOUT OUT to everyone responsible for these comments: you have given the recipients of your remarks a memory guaranteed to bring out a smile.Thank you so very much!

Here they are listed in no particular order with some license on the wording because I don't have perfect memory. Some were said, some written and it's no surprise that a lot of them have to do with dancing. :D I don't believe any of these are trademarked and I'm sure they're ok to repeat to someone else if you meant it. Feel free to share more by posting through comments below. Enjoy!

"You're such a great follow that it doesn't matter how f_ _ _'d up my lead is, you'll still follow it."
NOTE: This was of course followed up with "That was meant to be a compliment by the way."

"That was the best dance of the night."
NOTE: Later when bidding goodbye at the end fo the night, this person added: "I was having an off night and after our dance things turned around. That was definitely a great dance."

"I think I was a fan even before I danced with her"

"WOW!"

NOTE: This is definitely situational too - it happened at the end of the dance that was too sweet for words and we both said it at the same time when the dance ended.

"Dancing with you reminds me of dancing with my wife."

"You always make me look good."

"I'm really happy that you're in my life."

"Thank you for being you."

"Everytime I have an email from you in my Inbox, my heart smiles."

" Your smile just lights up my day."

" That was just perfect."

"That was HOT!!"
NOTE: Believe it or not, the actual context for this one was during a volleyball game. The left side hitter had just scored a point on a hit he just NAILED and the 1st thing he did when he landed was turn to his setter and say this.

"Its so much fun to watch you dance. You enjoy it so much and dance so gracefully."
NOTE: Delivery was way cool because it was given by some total stranger who was not a dancer and just watching on the sidelines.

Fall Reflections

2009-10-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times I've experienced it, I never tire of the fall: the green leaves turn into golden hues of yellow, orange or red, the air is crisp and the ground cover is now dominated by golden brown leaves that have fallen from the trees as they grow dormant.

I am visiting New England after being away for 2 years. Its been a lovely, restful visit so far; punctuated by delicious, indulgent meals that I hope are balanced out by my walking around. (I have some serious dancing to do to make-up for all the food that I'm eating!!!!)

Its been so much fun walking through my old haunts and seeing what's familiar and new: changes that mark the passage of time and talking to friends that I haven't seen for a while and enjoying our memories and new adventures.

This is a perfect break from my normal routine. I'm celebrating everything that I have and all that I am looking forward to:

Dancing, volleyball, glass blowing, new friendships, old friendships, family, travels.... who knows what else?

Simple Rules for the Social Dance Floor

2009-10-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

I am surprised and saddened by the bad experiences people sometimes have on the social dance floor. I wanted to share some simple rules that I believe would make bad experiences extinct. In my ideal world, there would be NO bad things on a social dance floor.

Here goes!

From Webster's (www.webster.com)
social
Pronunciation: \ˈsō-shəl\
Function: adjective
Marked by or passed in pleasant companionship with one's friends or associates

1) The key word is SOCIAL: It’s not a classroom or a performance stage. It’s a laid back, social gathering that is meant to be pleasant. There's no test, there's no grade. People go out to socialize and have a good time. Keep it FUN, keep it joyful, keep it relaxed. I know there are many factors that could add stress to a social gathering and things may not always turn out the way you want them to but don’t force it: magic does happen when you let go and just go with the flow. [and I’m not just talking about being a follow :) ]

A small note about PRACTICA: A PRACTICA can be a bit different since the purpose behind them is for practicing moves BUT, it’s still social. So, for you leads who like to perfect a move: we follows love that perfect lead and we also understand that you need to practice but please remember that some people do go to practices to just enjoy dancing in a non-class, non-clubby atmosphere. Keep the practicing to short spurts - check in about whether the practice time is too much. Sometimes, you just need to dance and relax instead of beating a move to death.

2) Remember to look at your partner and SMILE: A smile is a wonderful thing. For so little effort, it can immediately put your partner at ease. Its infectious. The returns on this one small gesture on your part is priceless. Honestly, I think it’s the one thing that is entirely within your control where the return on investment is HUGE! Just think about bringing out the smile on that dance crush you’re currently into … sigh :D [Speaking of which, I need to make a plug on salsa crushes here.]

3) Do unto others as you would have done to yourself: I know this is totally cliché but it’s a universal truth and really, a very simple rule. If you don't like it when you experience it, odds are someone else won't like it either. Some of us may not have been brought up in the same social circles of etiquette but if you keep in mind the things that you like and don’t like, and make sure that you don’t do the things you don’t like to other people, I think it’s safe to say that you won’t step on anyone’s toes.

For those of you that need some concrete examples of what NOT to do:
Don't grope
Don't nag
Don't teach
Don't handle your dance partner like a rag doll
Don't ignore the person who's right in front of you

4) Remember: Its only a few minutes – just grin and bear it.: There will be times when you’re in the “lemon” situation. Where you’ve either said yes to a dance or asked someone to dance who is hopelessly off beat or just plain uncomfortable to dance with (for whatever reason). It’s only a few minutes of your life. Yes, they could be rude. Yes, they could be creepy. Yes, they could be totally “ewwwww”. For those few minutes (and hopefully it’s not a song played by a live band that’s lasting 10 minutes or longer) in your life, just plaster that fake smile and grin and bear it. You don’t have to accept (or ask for) a dance the next time you see them AND (more importantly) don’t let the experience ruin the rest of your night! Brush it off like water off a duck and move on.

I know this last rule can be hard. After all, you can't control someone else's actions. Here's the question to ask yourself: "Why let a ______ (you can insert whatever negative adjective you want here) person ruin your day?" Absolutely make sure you have your support system nearby so that you can vent to your hearts content and immediately replace those last few minutes with something much more worthwhile.

When all is said and done, I believe that dancing is meant to be a joyful expression and one that should not take place in an environment that causes someone else to feel bad. These simple rules just help to reinforce that.

Fall Reflection: One Door Closes, Another One Opens

2009-10-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I love the fall! It's just as vibrant as the summer. The warmth of the yellows, oranges and reds of the changing foliage light up the landscape. The cool, crisp cold air now accompanies the sunny days. The colors of the sunset somehow seem a bit more vibrant despite dropping temperatures and shorter days. Despite the fact that I have to put away my sandals, tank tops and shorts; its a good time. The fall is a time for reflection, another change, a new year is coming while the old one winds down.

Sometimes that reflection makes me melancholy because I remember some things that I love that are no longer meant to be.

But, as the saying goes: when one door closes, another one opens. The universe (or higher being or whatever it is you believe in) never ceases to amaze me by providing new experiences for me to revel in, so I don't get stuck wanting something that is no longer within my reach.

Last night was one such experience.

In my salsa journeys, while exploring music, different styles and different instructors I became aware of sub-cultures [I'll write more about that another time]. I've met so many great people but discovered that these people didn't all get along! Salseros consist of casineros, the la style dancers, the on1's, on2's...I'm sure I'm still missing a few.

I started dancing rueda - which is basically casino style but in a circle, where there's a caller that calls out steps which the circle performs. I love it because its partner dancing with a group and you get to dance with everyone in the circle. There's something satisfying about the coordinated movement as well as the lip-smacking goodness of traveling and going in and out of this circle in unison.

This led me into one of the sub-cultures: the casineros who dance the cuban style salsa. They have such zest for the music and dance - you can hear them singing and exclaiming their enjoyment as they dance. Its infectious :)

I love dancing both casino and LA style and often lament on the fact that I can't have both in one place and that the people I like who dance one and the other don't really mix. Not only that, there seemed to be a dominance of the LA style in the "mainstream" and a lack of awareness for the cuban style. I would really like to see one venue with a little bit of something for both and an equal way for one side to learn more about the other.

Last night was a baby step in getting to that.

Last night at the Century I was able to dance with some of my favorite casino leads, salsa leads (on1 and on2) and it ROCKED! AND - there was a performance of Casino and an impromptu performance of Rueda (that I was able to join in on)

Until I figure out a better way to embed the video from facebook - here it is!

A wonderful congruence of dancing styles (casino, LA, on1, on2, cha-cha, merengue, bachata) and an experience I hope to repeat - where I can dance every style and type that I enjoy, with my favorite leads and some new ones - all on the same night :)

Romance is Alive and Well

2009-09-30T12:01:00.001-07:00

I hope that the person that shared this with me doesn’t mind me writing about it – I just wanted to celebrate the fact that romance Is not buried in this high tech, on-the-go world that we live in.

I am currently just past the point of the “frenzied enthusiast” as a dancer. I'm slowly moving past the mentality of dance, dance, dance with very little time spent on talking and socializing. Just past the point where it’s no longer all about getting better and maximizing dance time. I am now at the point where it’s also about getting to know the people that share in the fun.

One of the reasons I have embraced dancing is the community that comes with it. In the course of the last 6 months, as my dancing has grown, I have also had the pleasure of meeting with and getting to know a group of wonderfully diverse people who are just as enthusiastic about the dance as I am.

This story comes from a one of my favorite leads. He's a favorite because of the way he mixes steps from other dances into his salsa dancing. I am always a big fan of fusion because when it’s done well, it brings together the best of so many different worlds.

One evening, we were chilling and chatting just before dancing started; getting to know a little bit about what we each do when we’re not out dancing. I found out that he and his wife are retired and while they both dance, she no longer comes out social dancing as often as he does. The cool thing is that they still share the joy of the dance.

When he goes home near or just past midnight after a night of social dancing his wife will ask if he wants to dance. Of course he does! So they dance together till the wee am hours and wake up to the morning light in each others embrace.

What a life!

When I heard this, it warmed my heart (yes, I know - that's such a cheezy expression). But it gave me hope for a future that I certainly want: to everyday have the opportunity to dance some idle time away with my leading man, sweet music playing in the background.

That's the cherry on the icing.

In the meantime, I am thoroughly enjoying the dance I'm in, looking forward to more nights of being swept of my feet, connecting with someone else to music that I enjoy and getting to know all sorts of interesting people along the way.

Casualties of Salsa

2009-09-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

I've never really had a bad night of dancing except for one very HOT, very CROWDED night at one of my favorite venues in Seattle. The Bikram Salsa wouldn't have been bad by itself but it was aggravated by the fact that in the first 5 (or maybe it was 6) songs that I danced, I got kicked, stepped on, butt bumped or elbowed once in each song. In the next dance, I hadn't even gotten halfway through it and I got stepped on twice in same cross body lead. [For those of you who do not dance salsa, this is equivalent to 8 beats of music which would be like getting stepped on twice in less than 8 seconds.]

Something SNAPPED...

I did something that I never thought I would do: I stopped dancing. I apologized to my dance partner and told him that I had to stop. I was just too mad to continue and I needed a breath of fresh (cool) air. I explained that it wasn't him and that I needed to just step out and off the dance floor. He was nice enough to walk out with me, I think I freaked him out a little bit (I mean I was freaked out by myself!) and kind enough to keep me company while I literally and figuratively cooled off.

The more experienced dancers will say, its the lead's responsibility to protect his partner - to keep her from being stepped on or from stepping on (or bumping, nudging, hair whipping, slapping) someone else.

I agree with that for the most part but EVERYONE should take some responsibility on a crowded dance floor.

Last night my left ankle fell victim to a few more heel kicks and stomps when it was already bruised from a man's heel the night before that. A casualty of the crowded salsa dance floor.

SO - here are some tips on not being the cause of casualties on a crowded dance floor and how to watch yourself so you don't become a casualty.

Oh yes, make no mistake: it CAN be done, you can dance unscathed on a crowded dance floor!

DANCE COUPLES TO WATCH FOR:
There are many types of dancers but I highlight these specifically because on a crowded dance floor, these are the ones to really watch out for:

Dancing with the arm swinging, broad stepping, not-quite-sure-what-I'm-doing beginner
Leads - you know who I'm talking about here. This is the girl that hasn't really danced salsa before. Odds are she's here with some girl friends and may have had a drink or 2 (or more!). She's wearing heels that are quite lovely to look at but impossible to dance in and seems to think that taking large steps with her weight planted firmly on her heels is the best way to keep up with you. Oh, and she also thinks that having her hands out will help her dance better (not!).

If you find yourself dancing near this couple, try to position yourself on the lead side of the couple and move away from the follow, keep her in front of you and in your sights. Alternatively, if you're the "knight" kind of lead, you would step with your back facing this follow, so that you take the brunt of arms or legs flaying and earn the eternal gratitude of your own follow.

The Arms-are-all-over-the-place Casinero

Ah, yes! I love casino dancing and my experiences so far have been that they are actually one of the best dancers to be with on the packed dance floor. I think its because they're already moving around so they have a 360 view of the room and are better armed to keep you safe. BUT, there are some leads that just get so crazy into the dance that they forget there are other people around. Not only that, their enthusiasm is so infectious that their partner starts to follow suit. This couple is tough because they'll travel on the dance floor and not stay in one slot so you'll have to keep a constant watch on their movements. I would just steer clear of this couple and let others be your shield. If you find yourself dancing with one as a follow - then you're all set because other couples will be avoiding you.

SPECIFIC THINGS TO WATCH FOR (INDIVIDUALS):
Another tactic is to observe before you make your way out to the sea of dance. These are some things to watch for:

The BIG Back Step - need I say more? This one is likely to trip you up so if you're dancing anywhere near, just make sure you're not too far away from your partner in case they get tripped up by that BIG back step.

The BIG Cross Body - less is more but some people just want to "swing out" their partner on the cross-body. You can see it coming, make sure to stay out of the "line of fire" !

The Traveling Spinner - anytime a spin is initiated by a neighboring couple, pay attention!

The Clueless Bystander - these are the folks that are there mainly to watch but they also don't know that stepping out on the dance floor, drink in hand, just wandering around is just NOT a good idea.

Finally, when in doubt, here's WHAT YOU CAN DO
1) STICK TO THE BASICS, there's something to be said for having a nice clean dance without all the fancy moves. Just chill to the music and enjoy the connection with your partner.
2) Closed position is your friend. Don't mistake this for the closed "I want you next to my body" embrace. I'm not encouraging that you invade your partner's space unless that's really what both of you want. In closed position, its easier to maneuver and abort a lead that's about to cause a casualty or be the victim of one.
3) Small steps: less is definitely more when its a crowded dance floor. Remember to keep your feet under your body.
4) Keep your arms and legs close to you whether you're turning, doing shines, etc.
5) Look before you extend: if you like to style your arms or sweep your legs, take a quick look before you go for it.
6) Weight forward! If you're wearing heels - there's very little reason that all your body weight should be on your heel - see 3 above.

And above all, be gracious. Apologize if you need to and don't forget that there are other people out there with you trying to have a great time dancing.

Bursting

2009-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've started and stopped writing a post everyday for the last week now. I think its time to publish something. I've held back mainly because its been all about dancing. In the last 3-4 weeks I've been attending workshops and out social dancing. I thought that it would be boring to just post about dance all the time.

Then I realized that its not just about the dancing. My head is bursting from all sorts of things that I've been so lucky to be a part of. So, here it is, the recap.

GRATITUDE
I've hit a new level of understanding about myself.

I used to worry so much about missing out on something or about offending people by saying "no thanks". I even worried about no longer being included if I said "no" too many times! It took up too much energy and it detracted from the enjoyment of the things that I do.

Now, I've realized that its good to be faced with so much opportunity - one simply can't go wrong with making a choice. I'm just so grateful for everything that I'm a part of.

I've been working on letting go of remnants from the past that prevent me from moving forward. I've incorporated a little meditation in my practice and in part of that process, I give thanks to the universe at large for these things that bring me joy. Its only been a few weeks and already I can see that spending the time to think about and articulate what brings joy and harmony into my life has only allowed more of that to come through. By acknowledging that part of my life so explicitly, it can overshadow the negativity that can so easily bring me down.

What's more important to me? Worrying about the past or about things that I cannot control or reveling in the present opportunities I have to continue to grow and be joyful?

I choose joy.

WHOOSH!
I use this word to describe those times when I get a rush, a thrill, that puts me on such a high that when I remember the moment, always brings a smile on my face.

I have been lucky enough to experience such moments on the dance floor.

On one of my nights out, in that "one more dance" moment, I accepted an invitation to dance.

It began very politely with the "introduction" - I could already tell he was experienced enough to "test the waters" before diving into the dance. As the song began its rise, he began to expand his lead, to play with the music and add in more moves. We were well matched: we hit all the right beats and matched the increasing tempo of the music. There were turns and shines and little accents that were just "mwah!" so right with the song.

When the music ended with our final embrace, we both said "wow!" simultaneously.

Whoosh!

LEADING LADY
"You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

I was watching The Holiday (Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Jack Black) and this line struck such a chord with me - it was almost as if someone was talking to me directly and it made me realize that I have been acting like the best friend.

Time to step up and be the leading lady :)

I've always thought of myself as the wing person or the best friend. I know I'm intelligent and capable and extremely trustworthy but I have never truly seen myself as "that girl". Its never fails to surprise me when I am complimented and acknowledged. A 29-year old flirtation asked me why it was so surprising to believe and I realized that the reason I'm so surprised is because I never thought of myself as the leading lady.

Everyone is the leading lady (or man) in their own life and when that point truly hits home, that's when all the magic starts to happen. Though there will be drama: ups and downs, the key to this thought is the power around being the lead.

SATURATION POINT
I never thought I'd be saying this but I've hit a saturation point.

There is such a thing as too much dancing! 3 weeks of dancing involving 6-7 consecutive days with workshops spaced in between will do it. My record for number of days dancing in a row is now up to 8.

My head is filled with new dance patterns, music rhythms, instruments to listen for and a whole new world of dance instruction and performance. Its been exciting and fun and it has stretched me both mentally and physically in a way that I have not yet experienced before.

I would say its refreshing except that I was exhausted from lack of sleep :)

When the dust finally settled, I was able to just dance for the fun of it last night and it centered me again.

AH! That just felt good.

I got to the venue late and from the 1st dance onward, didn't get a break. I got to dance with almost all my favs (alas, some had to leave early) and with some new faces and got paid the nicest compliments - all while doing something that I love! What more can I ask for?

:)

Reset. Ready for more!

Rhythms, Passion and Celebrations

2009-09-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

Its one of those weekends again when I wish I could be 6 places at once. In the last week, the weekend events just started to pile up! Good problem but still, hard to pick which ones to "give up". Someone really needs to invent that transporter. "Beam me up!"

Ah, but so far, I cannot complain. Its a win win win no matter what event I pick.

Let's see if I can sum it up:
brunch in bed
romantic comedy
casino
ponche
refresh
delectable
passion
dramatic flare
celebration
"mwah!" on the dance floor
replenish
recharge

All that in one day! Not bad, not bad at all :)

On a Nice Sunny Day

2009-09-10T14:11:00.001-07:00

Its been an interesting week. I've had anger issues that I'm trying to purge from my system and at the same time, some pretty darn good moments to revel in.

Over the long weekend, the cold of fall made its presence known to mark the coming of the next season. Today - its an Indian summer! The sky is clear and I can see Mt. Rainier from the window I sit next to on the 18th floor of The Columbia Center. I'm lucky enough to have next door, a concrete plaza with benches and a water sculpture where I can sit and soak in the warmth and vitamin D. The sounds of running water splashing on concrete almost mask the hustle and bustle of the vehicles and pedestrians on the downtown street just a few meters away. Its my urban get-away during the work week.

I've been able to appreciate, that for all the trouble I'm having trying to rid myself of the negativity I feel about a small part of my life, I am having way more fun that ever.

Last night I went out dancing and just as I was ready to leave, fell into the "ok, one more dance" cycle and got to share some wicked awesome dances!!! WHOOSH! Oh, what a feeling indeed. Despite my tired feet, I was energized and the high still echoes through today.

I also ran into a former colleague who needed to vent. As we sat outside, basking in the warmth of the sun, I like to think that I gave her that channel to disperse her negative energy; look forward to all the other positive things she has going for her and take steps to improve the not-so-happy situation that she finds herself in.

Good vibes all around!

Too Much of a Good Thing

2009-09-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

is a good thing!

How many people can say that they danced the weekend away?

Well ok, I guess people who are just as crazy about dancing as I am :)

BUT - seriously - I can't say enough about an activity that is:
1) Good for your spirit
2) Good for your health
3) Allows you to interact with people
4) Helps you grow in confidence and style
5) Provides a natural high (you know, endorphins, in the moment flirtations)

I just finished a class called Role Reversal: I, as a follow learned to lead and other leads learned to follow. The class was a small and intimate gathering of 10 people. It was a BLAST! Not only do I have a better appreciation for what it means to lead in a dance, but I actually started having fun with it.

Watch out people!

Not really :P

I still prefer being a follow. Its much more enjoyable to let go, enhance and react than to actually instigate in a dance. I get more time to listen to the music and every so often, suggest, through my movement something that ends up initiating things anyway :)

Ain't that a metaphor for what happens in life?

Its taken a year but I'm finally starting to get to know people too so going to dances isn't just about dancing anymore. Its also about catching up with familiar faces. Its easy to forget about getting to know someone when you're having so much fun on the dance floor and so, when I have those moments to talk, its something to appreciate as well.

I'm taking a break to nap and veg on this rainy Labor Day and am looking forward to ending the day with some more dancing.

:D

Starting the Week Right

2009-09-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

Monday's are usually days to dread.

I love Mondays! I get to end the day dancing :D

Today was a bonus Monday. I woke up to a mystical, magical morning of fog rolling in from the bay. The blanket of mist made its way up the hill and covered the roads in front of my building. It was like waking up to clouds.

When I made it to work, I got to see the same blanket over the cityscape instead. It was fascinating to watch the fog make its way across the tops of building to the highway.

I had a productive day, checked off my list at work and managed to squeeze in time to socialize as well. Good times!

Dancing on Monday nights, practica at Halo. I am now at the point in my dancing where I know more people and am not just dancing anymore. Getting to know my fellow follows and the leads I dance with is just as fun as the dancing that I love so much.

I have taken to heart what I learned about the joy in dancing and letting the music tell me what to do. I can now dance with my lead and as I follow, allow the music to guide me and make the dance a fun and flirty interaction. Bonus points when the energy between us matches the energy of the music and its contagious. Ah! Those dances are the best - doesn't matter if there were missed leads or moves - that energy is euphoric for me.

I am always humbled by the compliments I get. It is enough for me to know that the people I dance with have enjoyed dancing with me. When I get comments from fellow dancers that see me dance, it always takes me by surprise and I am thankful. I feel like I still have a lot to learn but at least the joy that I experience is manifested in my movement - one can never go wrong when you love what you do and it brings you joy.

This is what I get to do every Monday night - lucky me!

When No Plans Lead to the Best Days

2009-08-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

I plan things out for a living. I make sure tasks are well defined, assigned, given due dates and then work hard to push to make commitments. I do that with my free time too because I like doing so many different things, I have to make sure they all fit together.

I read a book once that recommended "relinquish control and let the magic happen". This is somewhat against my nature but I do have moments where I can "go with the flow".

Every now and again, I leave days open: days when I have no plan. I LOVE it when those days just play out wonderfully!

Despite a forecast of rain, it turned out to be a beautiful day. I spent time just being by myself, getting a new do with highlights, enjoying my family, dancing on the beach, getting to know some people better, dancing with city lights in the background and eating yummy pizza with fun company.

All in all - quite an enjoyable day.

Gauranteed to Bring A Smile

2009-08-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am blessed indeed to have 2 things that I can always count on to put a smile on my face.

Here's my best boy, my nephew Max, wrapped up in a python (yes, I did that) with a big smile on his face, still holding on to his cars that we got for his birthday.

My niece True is getting longer and longer every time I see her! Pretty soon, she'll be taller than me and I won't be able to toss her around like I do now.

Lots of hugs, smiles and silliness... :D

Truly - I am blessed.

And I Should Care Why?

2009-08-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

Within the past year, I've settled very nicely into my life in Seattle and have really been blessed with a wealth of new friends, being closer to my family and lots of new things to do.

At the same time, I've had the "pleasure" of going through a couple of relationships that have left me less than my joyful self: one was heartbreaking, the other just hurtful.

In both cases, I was told by the respective sources, that it wasn't because of me.

Sound familiar?

While there is some comfort in not being "guilty" of any wrong-doing, being innocent does not really "save you any licks" in the process of recovering from such things. In the end, in order to move on and get back to my happy place, I came to the conclusion that neither of them cared enough to work through things with me and it is what it is. I had to work through my own feelings so that I would respond to them in an equal manner. Remember my "Tee"bit? In relationships, actions (from others) must be met with equal reaction".

I am at a point with both of these people where I've categorized them into the "acquaintance" bucket. The one where I don't spend a lot of energy on and in dance events where we intersect, may still enjoy dancing with them.

Strangely enough, without my prompting for it or even desiring it, both these people volunteered information about what they were going to be doing over the weekend (in one case) and on some random evening.

And I should care why?!

Life is funny like that - when you least care about something, "stuff" happens. I'm chalking it up to the "spice" in life.

Random "Tee"Bits

2009-08-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

Today I felt like getting things down and out of my head to share. Possibly the weekend of sensory overload had something to do with it. I feel like there's all this "stuff" in my head and to help me process it and make way for more "stuff", writing it down did the trick. There's no inherent importance in the order except that the 1st one is the most recent of my discoveries.

"Life is Dance" - I used to think volleyball was the key to understanding how the world works. It did for a while but to me, not everything in my life is about competing and winning. Now I believe that dance is a more complete analogy. There are all sorts of music tracks that one can choose to hear and follow. You follow one or more that you resonate with or are curious about and meet people that dig the same beat. Changes can happen and you start to hear some things that you like and somethings that you don't. Sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow and you meet all sorts of people along the way, some stay with you as friends while others just weave in and out and maybe back again. There's the dance reflecting the chase and flirtation between men and women that is so embedded in afro-cuban dance. There's also your own base beat that you're in tune with and when you find someone else who's base beat harmonizes with yours and is open to the dance just like you are; making music together, enjoying life's rhythms together and leading and following in sync with you, then you know you've come home. [I know, I know, its a tall order but its definitely possible.]

"Resistance IS futile" - if something starts to get hard and difficult and its no longer fun, that's a RED flag for drama and hard times. The choice is to run away or deal with it. Either way, there should a voice going "Danger Wil Robinson!!!" [and yes, I just dated myself with that quote.] The objective when met with resistance is to remove it or remove oneself from its presence.

"Attachments that are formed too quickly can just as easily detach" - just means that you gotta put time into something for it to be worthwhile and last. While I love it when things happen so quickly and easily, I have learned that it is not always the best foundation for something long term. Every now and again, the exception is true and I've been blessed with many of those moments but in general, don't get attached too quickly - it can hurt like the dickens when things fall apart.

"Always remember to be thankful for what gives you joy" - pretty straight forward. We don't say thank you enough and it makes people feel wonderful to know they're appreciated. If you believe in a higher power - then be thankful for the good that you receive.

"Where other people are involved, you can never really tell why things happen and even when they tell you, you can never really tell." - I am a trusting soul and give people the benefit of the doubt but the truth is, even though I can be honest about how I feel and what I say, not everyone is or can be. If you weren't there, you'll never really know the truth of what happened so unless you can be in someone's brain, its all about what they choose to tell you and how you choose to receive it.

"Make sure you give yourself space to just be you." - because I love being with people, doing and learning things, I tend to let myself get carried away by the momentum of events and other people so much that sometimes, I lose track of what's important to me. I always leave some time when there is NOTHING going on so that I can just be me.

"What goes around comes around... sometimes it just takes a while and sometimes, you just don't see it." - My personal belief is that while I may not have the satisfaction of seeing someone live through the same negativity they cause others to experience, I have faith that they do experience the same negativity in other ways. Works the same way with the good stuff except that the good stuff, you definitely see.

"Always have a source of hugs readily available." - I'm lucky enough to have my niece and nephew as my hug source but everyone needs an abundance of such things.

"Always have something readily available that is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face - like ice cream" - yes, yes, what can I say, I love ice cream and cake partly because of the taste but also because a smile always comes to my face when I have some (or think of having some).

"Don't take things for granted but don't let them get to you either." - treat things with respect but also know when to let go.

"Whenever a door closes, there is always another one open, you just have to step out of your comfort zone to go check it out." - Totally and utterly true - my faith in this has yet to be broken.

"In relationships, every action must have an equivalent reaction for things to continue happily forward." - I guess this one is my tribute to "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." I find this to be true whether you're talking about friendships or romance. Despite the fact that I am constantly "breaking" this rule, things work best if one only acts equal to the other's actions. [Remember the whole lead/follow analogy? you've got to follow the lead with the right amount of energy, otherwise its not quite right.] Naturally if things get bad, one must stay true to one's values and all that but all things being equal and good, relationships are not "comfortable" when one party over-reaches.

And finally, a quote that I've posted before:
" Life's a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go"

~lyrics from Life's A Dance Lyrics Artist: John Michael Montgomery

05-20-2009 Bright, Sunny Outlook

2009-05-20T17:19:00.001-07:00

So its day 3 in my new job and I am really excited at the projects that are coming my way. I'm starting slow and that's just perfect.

In the 20+ years I've been working, I've finally learned that there will be ebs and flows to work load and that I shouldn't feel guilty when its ebbing because there will be a flow to counter balance it all soon enough.

What's up for me today? Its such a nice day, I plan to walk home (though its a bit later than I thought). Then prepare a quick dinner, head out for my salsa class and then meet up with Naomi and Paul for Star Trek on IMAX!!!!!

THAT is an AWESOME movie.

Me for LIfe

2009-05-03T11:24:00.001-07:00

I think I finally found my voice... at least for a blog anyway ;P

Since I've moved to Seattle and started posting updates on Facebook, I get comments from friends and family about how I am living such a full life with fun activities. I thought about their comments and usually shrug them away as no big deal - I mean, I like to fill my days with creative, interesting and active things to do. Its easy!

My friends who have families congratulate me and comment on how jealous they are because I am doing things that either they can't do, have always wanted to do or haven't gotten around to doing. My single friends comment on the variety of things that I do and marvel that I still manage to get everything done that I want to.

I am enjoying my life. I take it for granted at times but I have friends and family that frequently help me to see how wonderful things are. Moving to Seattle has spurred a new "renaissance" for me and I am having a blast - so why not write about it?

Lfe is not perfect by any means. I've had a few setbacks but nothing that will slow me down. If anything, setbacks are just another opportunity to learn and improve and move beyond. Sure - I have my "moments" when support from friends and family are a must. I am very blessed to have all of this and more in my life.

Anyway - why not share? After all - I get such a kick about sharing my joys and even better being a part of or helping someone else find theirs.

Sometimes, you can really feel the force of change

2009-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

There's been lots going on for me in the last few weeks and its made me realize that there are times when the forces of change just have a way of lining up clearly so that you can see your way forward.

I love it!

What's changed? I have a new job starting 5/18. My current position is not in jeopardy but its been morphing in a direction that doesn't jazz me up as much. I happened upon this new job posting through an internal job postings blast and within a couple of weeks, found a new opportunity.

The process was so painless - it was fantastic. My new boss and I hit it off right away during the informational interview and within a week of initiating an internal transfer request - I had a new offer just in time for me to go on my vacation with my sister and her kids to Maui.

I've also been psyched at the continued improvement I have with dancing - it continues to provide me with a lot of joy and I continue to get lots of compliments from old and new dancers alike.

Spring is finally here and the days are getting longer - I love this time of year.

Just Imagine!

2009-03-06T11:28:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, its good to just let your mind run free without second guessing yourself.

When I was a teacher, there was an exercise that I learned about art that I think applies to anything that we do. It was an exercise that set you up to draw on paper without judgment.

Think about that for a second.
What could you come up with if your mind were free of its "judgment meter": that instinct/habit in your brain that constantly gauges if what you're doing is right or wrong? Wouldn't it be nice if, every now and again, one could shut down that meter and see what the possibilities are? What would happen to ideas that got "canned" because something in your brain just said - "impossible" or "impractical" or "that just won't work"?

Its like a brainstorming session where ideas are presented/discussed for clarity but not judged.

I think that we all need to indulge in this type of activity every so often so that we don't get stale or stuck.

ACTIVITY SUMMARY:
Supplies:
Paper
Tape
Pen

INSTRUCTIONS:
1) Tape Paper to table or drawing surface: you don't want the paper to be moving during the drawing exercise.
2) Look for an object to draw - anything. Take a few minutes to orient yourself so that you can draw comfortably on the paper.
3) Position your pen on the paper to draw the subject that you selected and start drawing.
4) WITHOUT lifting the PEN and WITHOUT looking down on the paper as you draw, start drawing!
5) stop when you're done.
Take a look!

The results are usually an abstract version of the subject that you picked.

What's the point?

Too often when we draw, it is "inhibited" - one keep erasing, correcting oneself, etc. Its better to sometimes 1st lay down on paper what you see without judgment and then take a look at the whole to see what can be improve.

Strengths

2009-02-24T11:10:00.000-08:00

I've recently been reading "Now Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Bingham and am resonating with his basic tenant that one should trust in one's strength as the surest way to achieve the best performance.

There is a test called the Clifton StrengthsFinder and it is meant to be used as a tool to help identify a person's 5 core strengths. By identifying and developing these strengths, one can use these to live a more productive life.

One of the messages that I really clicked with is the one about focusing on strengths, rather than weaknesses. In order to be more productive and to take advantage of your best talents, one must focus on one's strengths.

I think that this message empowers. Focusing on my strengths and getting to know what I am naturally good at and enjoy doing allows me to continue to improve those strengths and use them to better my life.

I am not saying to ignore weaknesses.

Information is power and knowing what it is I am weaker in is also empowering because it allows me to recognize situations where I may not be as productive or "psyched" to be in. Not only that, it allows me to perhaps morph things more to playing to my strengths.

Here are my strengths which I've abbreviated to LARRA: [These are excerpts from the analysis results of the Clifton Strengths Finder]

LEARNER
You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for you. You are energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. The thrill of the first few facts, the early efforts to recite or practice what you have learned, the growing confidence of a skill mastered—this is the process that entices you. Your excitement leads you to engage in adult learning experiences—yoga or piano lessons or graduate classes. It enables you to thrive in dynamic work environments where you are asked to take on short project assignments and are expected to learn a lot about the new subject matter in a short period of time and then move on to the next one. This Learner theme does not necessarily mean that you seek to become the subject matter expert, or that you are striving for the respect that accompanies a professional or academic credential. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

ACHIEVER
Your Achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by “every day” you mean every single day—workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.

RELATOR
Describes your attitude toward your relationships. In simple terms, the Relator theme pulls you toward people you already know. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people—in fact, you may have other themes that cause you to enjoy the thrill of turning strangers into friends—but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk—you might be taken advantage of—but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.

RESTORATIVE
You love to solve problems. Whereas some are dismayed when they encounter yet another breakdown, you can be energized by it. You enjoy the challenge of analyzing the symptoms, identifying what is wrong, and finding the solution. You may prefer practical problems or conceptual ones or personal ones. You may seek out specific kinds of problems that you have met many times before and that you are confident you can fix. Or you may feel the greatest push when faced with complex and unfamiliar problems. Your exact preferences are determined by your other themes and experiences. But what is certain is that you enjoy bringing things back to life. It is a wonderful feeling to identify the undermining factor(s), eradicate them, and restore something to its true glory. Intuitively, you know that without your intervention, this thing—this machine, this technique, this person, this company—might have ceased to function. You fixed it, resuscitated it, rekindled its vitality. Phrasing it the way you might, you saved it.

ACTIVATOR
“When can we start?” This is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Only action can make things happen. Only action leads to performance. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that “there are still some things we don’t know,” but this doesn’t seem to slow you. If the decision has been made to go across town, you know that the fastest way to get there is to go stoplight to stoplight. You are not going to sit around waiting until all the lights have turned green. Besides, in your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, guided by your Activator theme, you believe that action is the best device for learning. You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. This learning informs your next action and your next. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? Well, you believe you can’t. You must put yourself out there. You must take the next step. It is the only way to keep your thinking fresh and informed. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you.

Passion and Desire: What do you want?

2009-02-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

PASSION applies to an emotion that is deeply stirring or ungovernable.

DESIRE stresses the strength of feeling and often implies strong intention or aim.

[From Webster's online dictionary www.webster.com]

I have a tendency to over simplify.

I believe that nearly anything in life can be solved by a simple approach that I've derived from Polya. I broke this thinking down when I was teaching math in high school because I wanted to give my students a methodical approach to problem solving.

Polya's approach has 4 main principles:
1) Understand the Problem
2) Devise a Plan
3) Carry Out the Plan
4) Review / Extend

Here's my approach:
1) What's the question that needs to be answered?
2) What do you know?
3) How are you going to answer the question based on what you know?
4) Do it!
5) Did you answer the question? If not, back to the top.

So the question to answer for those of us seeking for the ideal life is "What do you want?"

What are you passions? Your desires? What drives you?

Origins

2009-02-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

ORIGIN applies to the things or persons from which something is ultimately derived and often to the causes operating before the thing itself comes into being.
[From Webster's online dictionary www.webster.com]

None of what I write here is "new" in the sense that it is my original thought. I'm a big believer in taking what's already out there, processing the information and incorporating what I can. Its no surprise that something "original" can be born by pulling from the existing "stuff" or by putting things together in a different way.

Where did the idea for this blog come from?

As I said, the idea for an actual blog came from my brother in law. Prior to that, I have written my thoughts and ideas down in various forms both electronically and by hand (the old fashioned way!).

As for the origins of the message that I want to share, that origin goes all the way back to the time I realized that I was doing something that, seconds before, I had believed to be an impossibility.

My divorce.

I grew up in the Philippines as Catholic, raised by Chinese parents who were immigrants. My dad was born in mainland China and my mother in Vietnam. The Philippines was a colony of Spain for centuries and Catholicism is not only a religion but embedded in day to day life. "Divorce" was something that happened "somewhere else" - it was the unthinkable. From my parents, I was taught that one works through problems within the family. You deal with the hand that you have and don't "air your dirty laundry" in public. Even though my parents are well traveled and educated, "divorce" for them was not something to acknowledge.

So, up until the moment my counselor asked me "Would you spend the rest of your life with this man?" I had not contemplated divorce. I am a bit embarrassed to admit this but I even had a hard time saying the word! I referred to is as the "D" word.

I remember the session very clearly. That week, after hearing various opinions from friends who had discovered that my then husband and I were having marital problems, I wondered, how long would this process take? He and I were both seeing a counselor independently and also as a couple. I thought to myself, this process could take a very long time. So, I decided to ask my counselor about it.

She and I had been talking for about 3 months by then and my husband and I were also seeing her as a couple for a little over a month. After the normal introductions and "how did things go?", I shared my observation that I could be working on saving my marriage for a long time, "How do I know when to stop?"

She asked me, "Do you see yourself growing old with this man?"

"No"

My answer was instant. There was no hesitation or thought. I answered instinctively to the question.

It is the only moment in my life where I experienced such clarity in answering a question that I knew would have a big impact on my life. This moment is frozen in my memory as the turning point of my life.

The ripples of that moment are still here for me, 9 year later.

I was 34 years old and my life was just starting over again.

Getting Started

2009-02-18T12:22:00.000-08:00

Finally, after years of thinking about starting this blog. I'm starting it! I owe the impetus to my brother-in-law, CY, who basically reminded me that taking action will result in something compared to just thinking about taking the action which just stays in your head.

So, here goes!

This is a humble beginning that I'm hoping will grow into something much bigger. I believe I can offer advice, tools and anecdotes that will contribute to helping anyone find a way to that "wonderful life". So if you're new, bear with me as I refine my voice and message on this blog.

Welcome.